Wake Me Up When September Ends
Green Day

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

will i make it?

disconnect me
from my past
from my failures
from my mistakes

from my flaws

when does the light shine?
wait, i know the answer to that one

lost appetite
that feeling in your chest
always thinking
too much
the way you feel when you're about to lose it

consumed
extreme frustration
sadness
oh, anger, definitely anger
i like to say it's justified
maybe it's not

as time passes
i can feel myself getting weaker
so i should start to feel
Him getting stronger

right?

what is the problem with rowan?
what's the problem with this world?
i hate it

don't get bitter
don't get bitter
you know what happens with bitterness
you shouldn't mess with that

can i just let myself be..

                                   ..me.

never enough

how dare i mope
or complain?
church reinforced that last sunday

being selfish is easy
being selfless is hard
especially when it really matters

being human
makes things kinda hard

this day too will pass
yes, this day too
of all days

remembering 9/11 in reverence. praying for those devastated by the hurricane. broken for all the pain existing in this world.... my humblest yet most sincere prayers are goin' out. goin' up. how easily we forget how much God has blessed us with. as for me, i only wish i could do more.

(thas' a hott bag)

Michael Finley: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=stein_marc&id=2147720

Nick Van Exel: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=spears_marc&id=2146710

am i excited?!?! .............i cannot freakin' wait (!!) 

i got to get ticketz to a nets vs. spurs game

[[i'm also lookin' forward to NBA 06 and NBA 2k6 for PS2 (or XBOX), worddd]]

Quote of the millenium:

"If only I could divide myself into multiple causes." -TheRedBeanies

              ... . the true heart of a servant ...

                                                                                                                          . ..

on giving:

1 John 3:17 ¹⁷ But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?

Mark 9: 41 ⁴¹ For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.

Proverbs 28:27 ²⁷ He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.

Matthew 6:3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth.

....i've kinda been learning some things about the topic of giving this summer, and these verses from Scripture continually convict me and teach me.

-God loves a cheerful giver, right?-

my Resume:

Revelation 15:3

³ And they sing the song of Moses the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, Great and marvellous are thy works, Lord God Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints.


.:: i love my babies at sha'ar Adonai ::.

Jesus You are so Good

.:: tagteam  ::.

.:: mahal na mahal kita  ::.

..[08] what a way to cap off one year of redemption & newness in Christ [26]..
my goodness we've come a long way (with a long ways yet to go)
thank you   to all of those who have helped us in this journey
in the big ways, in the little ways; directly and indirectly
.  ya'll   know   who   you   are  .
you are not, nor will you ever be, forgotten
   ..   love   you   ..  
again an' again and again an' again: *God is Good*

to ryan and michelle:

i know that i speak for everyone when i say that words cannot express what your love
and kindness means. we can never repay you both (well maybe one day by God's grace)
and i know that ya'll take care of us simply because you want to, but please accept our
deepest thanks and grattitude. coz fasho' this aint gonna be the last

.:: eatz :: watchin' gladiator ::.


.:: sexy rommollestor :: the lovely ladies ::.


.:: pool :: buffet ::.


.:: more lana :: more ro ::.


.:: she loves her boyfriend :: ihop group pic ::.

.:: the atlantic ocean ::.
 

you know, the forecast said rain and thunderstorms all weekend. but you know what my
God said? sunny skies all day baby  (!!). this past year, at least for alana and myself,
God has shown us His goodness through the weather. clouds into clear skies, rain into
sun. it's absolutely amazing and incredibly beautiful. i love my God*

i praise God for His beauty
for the love of family and friends
and for the few, yet beautiful,
moments of escape

..my sincerest prayers go out to the hurricane victims..

i've experienced racism from a spectrum of races, ages, and places.

where: bowers st., jersey city, directed to my family and me
hispanic teens (yelling): "d*amn chinks! go back to china man!"
"f*ckin' noodle eatin' stank *ss chinks."

where: a staten island skaing rink, directed to my friends and me
a white teenager: "yo look, it's chinatown!
another white teenager: "yo, why u had to bring ure whole country wit' u?

where: vroom st., jersey city, directed to me
one of four black teens: "ite gook, run ya' pockets."

where: a filipino home, directed to me
someone who should have known better: "u can marry any race except black."

where: a mall at bolingbrook, illinois, directed to my cousins, brothers, and me
a hispanic young adult: "ope, there they go, one by one. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6."
his friend: "d*amn, they brought the whole family."

where: college ave. student center, rutgers u., directed to me
white man: "vote for _______."
me: "sorry, i'm not a citizen."
white man (sarcastically): "welp, glad you're here!"

where: laundromat, jersey city, directed to me
one of two 10 yr. old black boys: "con ching chong chang?"
the other (in chinese accent): "kin ah git a owdah of pok fry rice?"

where: a filipino home, a kitchen table adult discussion, indirectly directed at me
a filipino man (in tagalog): "marry a black and i'd feel bad for the child."
another filipino man (in tagalog): "it'd look like a little monkey. kawawa naman."

where: pershing field track, jersey city, directed to me
7 yr. old hispanic boy: "ching-chong-chang-chong."

where: jersey gardens theatre, directed to my friend and brother, said in front of my face
black teenager: "d*amn, we don't need no more of that homosexual sh*t here in america, take that sh*t back to tokyo."

....and these are only some examples.

It amazes me how people can be so ignorant and naive. What gets to me even more is when I realize that many people in this area, including Indians, Muslims, and Jews, have had it even worse. No matter what race, sex, or religion, there are also people who complain about being discriminated against, then turn around and do exactly the same thing to someone else. See, it's different in Jersey. A lot of people come into this country or grow up "with their own kind." Not that it's any fault of their own, but because of that, they grow to outcast people who are different; they begin to develop an air of superiority and pride. Puerto Rican pride, African pride, Filipino pride. People tend to fear what they don't know or understand, as we've heard numerous times. And that fear, coupled with that pride and superiority, subconciously manifests itself in the way people talk, act, and treat the people they associate with. Kids these days have no respect for adults and people in general. They see garbage in the movies and copy it, maybe not because it's cool, but because it has become the norm. The extremely vulgar language, the sexual innuendos, and the blatant profanity. Anyone who has not spent a significant amount of time in a city will not understand, but here we are not suprised. I walked into the video store the other day, and these three hispanic kids were looking at videos, being loud and obnoxious. "Yo, shut the f*ck up n*gga... get the f*ck outta here, you's a p*ssy... suck mah d*ck b*tch hahhahaha f*ckin' b*tch..." These kids could not have been older than 10 yrs. old. They observe their parents and see that they are no different. It furthermore does not help that kids don't want to study and learn at school. As a result they are simply ignorant of history: the suffering and pain of countless lives and peoples due to racism and bigotry. And so these people grow up, wondering why the world is the way it is, all the while making it worse by passing on a shameful legacy and outlook on life that will only get worse with each generation, as we see happening in this day and age. This is what happens when people kick God out of their lives.

Racism has become such a big part of my life; I never thought that I would be the one. It disgusts me beyond belief. A black man once cursed my father out in New York. The man refused to move his truck so that my dad can pass. He cursed my father out and kept saying that my dad couldn't drive. A black boy refused to move from where he was sitting in the curb to let my mother pass. He said to my mom, "What, you can't drive?" Black men have threatened my father and disrespected him numerous times in the past. Black teenagers have harrassed my mother here on Sip Ave., standing in front of her so that she can't pass, cursing at her and intimidating her. Black men have hit on my mother in a rude manner, with total lack of respect. These are the people who give all black people a bad name and a bad rep. These are the people who cause suffering in families where interracial and cross-cultural dating occur. Every race and culture comes with its own package of stereotypes, and many parents start getting it into their childrens' heads to "stick to their own kind." We might be tempted to ask: can we really blame them? We can be furthermore tempted to say "no, we can't." You wonder why companies discriminate against certain skin colors or eye shapes (though they will never admit it). You wonder why home owners refuse to sell homes to certain groups of people. But despite the best intentions, hypocrisy will not make an individual any better than the group(s) being discriminated against.

Men who hit on women: walang hiya (no shame). No matter what race, many men have this shameful way of viewing women as sex objects. This happens for many reasons, from the way sex and women are portrayed in movies, music (videos), pornography, etc. (I could write a whole 'nother entry on this). When you add the race factor, the issue gets even more heated. Many black men have hit on my girlfriend with a total lack of respect, causing much fear and discomfort in her. Men of other races have hit on her from time to time. Black men have hit on my mother shamelessly and in ways I cannot even write down for the public to see. A Filipino man has done the same to her. It can be really scary for women, and naturally a guard is built up based on a person's own experience. My brothers: Hispanic teenagers have blatantly stolen money from Rommel, grabbing bills out of his hand and running away down the block. Hispanic teens have refused to give Raynel his basketball back. They took his glasses from his face jeering and laughing at him. People in our old neighborhood would write hateful things on the windows of our van. They'd steal any and everything we would keep outside. They'd use our basketball hoop at their pleasure. Our old Bowers street home was robbed 3 times. These people apparently assumed that just because we were asian, we had money (when we first moved into our old home, after not being able to give these two girls any money, one of them had the nerve to say, "Yeah right, come on man, ain't you rich or somethin'?!). One time we came home to our thick front door broken in half, and every room in the 2nd floor rummaged through and messed up. I hated my neighborhood. Confession: I used to be racist. I used to not like Hispanics very much because of the abuse my family and I experienced from them. I used to not like white people very much because when I was a sophomore in high school I was beaten up by a mob of them. That was when I was a lot younger, and I was fortunate enough to break out of that, as God opened my eyes to my own folly. 1 John chapter 4: "²⁰ If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"  Besides, when the love of Christ reigns in your life, you will begin to see the value of people. Too many simply do not understand the value of a soul, how precious each and every one of God's creation is. Forgiveness is underrated; bitterness is overrated. Love is underrated; hatred is overrated. It's hard; I will be the first one to admit. From my perspective (the discriminated as opposed to the discriminator), I am quick to retaliate. I'm quick to reply, quick to grill, and quick to prove that they are no better than I am. It once almost caused my cousins, brothers, and me to come this close from getting into a rumble with some Hispanic guys. Beef was taken from the mall, to a car chase, to getting out of the car in the middle of a highway. But I'm always reminded that I am no better if I stoop to their level. I'm able to brush it off most of the time. Still, on a side note, there's a difference between stooping down and standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you and disrespect you. One must determine those fine lines for themselves. Similarly, there are proper ways to handle situations. I personally believe that I have the responsibility of defending myself and being a man when the situation calls for it, especially when I am with people that I love. It's extremely unfortunate that it has to be so, but you can clearly see how racism has the potential of easily promoting and causing further racism.

So, to get back on track: you can't judge people based on stereotypes and appearance. It's unfair and life cannot be lived like that. If it's 3 a.m. and you are walking through Lincoln Park (where rapes and muggings run rampant), then yeah, of course you gotta use your head; you must be careful and be alert. But in this life, don't miss out on the beauty other people and cultures have to offer. Imagine if everyone was not so quick to judge. How many more qualified people would get jobs, homes, land, and a fair deal? Imagine how many more multicultural neighborhoods, fellowships, and churches you will find? Imagine not feeling uncomfortable around certain groups of people. Imagine a world where people will not yell out racial, sexual, or religious slurs no matter where they are and no matter who they are with. I'm not saying it's bad to have one culture cliques or whatever, because I know that there are levels of comfort and familiarity that people, including me, like. I'm just saying, imagine the positive possibilities.

Don't be so quick to judge. See the best in people. Pray for those who persecute you. Love like Jesus Christ did, and see people through His eyes. Hold no grudges. Uphold respect. Otherwise, you may as well be better off colorblind.