coming home form work today, my mom and i saw this guy in the middle of the highway. people were tending to him, and you can see his yellow motorcycle thrown to the side and a fed-ex truck right in front. police cars, ambulance and everything. we were told to stop our van right in front of the scene, and i could hear the fed-ex driver telling the cop, "he just came outta nowhere!" when they finally let us pass, i took this picture:

i glanced down to look at the man's face. his eyes were bulging and he was blinking, and he only had the most shocked expression i probably may have ever seen. he didn't move. they were putting a brace around his neck, and one look at his face i saw the fear, and i prayed earnestly for God's mercy, and i will leave it at that. i thought that this man was probably wishing he could be anywhere else in the world or in any other situation but that one. i wondered if He knew God, if he had a family, and where he might have worked. everyday people. tragedy can hit anyone at anytime and anywhere.

why am i writing this? because as a member of this society's rat-race, i am guilty of taking my life and my blessings for granted. i am guilty of many times remembering God's goodness only in the face of disaster. guilty of giving into the temptations and reverting to unnecessary behavior when bigger things are going on in the world. i am writing to encourage one and all to keep praying for that stranger in need, that brother or sister who turned the road into devastation. you may yet see them in Heaven. and you can most definitely know that He hears every prayer, and answers and blesses the sincere.

---

Religion and Spirituality
by John Fischer

When you give a gift to someone in need, don't shout about it as the hypocrites do--blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I assure you, they have received all the reward they will ever get. (Matthew 6:2 NLT)

I don't know how many of these sayings are floating around out there, but I may have uncovered something significant. Earlier this week I quoted one of our readers as saying that a religious person sits in church thinking about fishing while a spiritual person goes fishing thinking about God. (Not at all meaning to imply that the spiritual person is fishing in place of going to church, by the way. The point is simply that spiritual people worship God with a heart that permeates everything they do, while religious people may look holy, but not have their heart in it.)

Now someone has sent me this: “A religious person is trying to avoid hell; a spiritual person has already been there.”

Religion is the nemesis of Christianity, and these types of contrasts point that out. Religious people are stuck in a religious points system that keeps track of everything. They are actually pretty confident that hell can be avoided based on their own point tally. By contrast, keeping track is the last thing spiritual people want to do, because their track record condemns them. They believe that they deserve hell and get heaven by God's grace. Spiritual people are constantly pinching themselves because they can't believe their good fortune. The last thing they want to do is tally up points, because that will only confirm what they already know: they don't have enough. Never will.

I think I'll try my own hand at this:

Religion is a system; spirituality is a state of being, made possible by a relationship. Religion is trying to please God; spirituality is enjoying God. Religion is Martha fussing in the kitchen; spirituality is Mary listening at the feet of Jesus. Religion keeps the score; spirituality keeps the faith.

And yes, spiritual people have been to hell and back, because that is how they came to know God in the first place. They all came to the end of their rope in some way, calling out desperately to God and finding Him there, eager to listen and respond. It's the hellish kinds of experiences that have brought them to realize their need.

No one can be found unless they are lost; no one can be saved unless they are drowning. Spiritual people realize this because they have been rescued. By contrast, “Jesus saves” means nothing to the religious because they have nothing in their determination from which they need to be saved. Religious people have too tight a hold on their own lives to ever let go. Spiritual people let go and find that God is always there to catch them.

Consequently, when spiritual people serve, they do it out of full hearts of gratitude. When religious people serve, they do it for points, and as Jesus said, they already have their reward (Matthew 6:2).

You can see how religion has kept a lot of people from Christianity. It's a shame, because there couldn't be anything farther from the truth of what it means to know God.

the cutest thing happened today. my brother ray has made friends with a
stray cat in our neighborhood, but this cat isn't like other stray
cats; it has domestic qualities. so it was out there again today, and
since we feed our turtles cat food, ray put that food on a saucer and
went out to feed the cat. it approached us without fear whatsoever, and
proceeded to eat the food. it didn't mind being caressed and played
with. it didn't want to even leave us. after the food was done, it
layed down on our driveway, stretched, and looked like it wanted to go
to sleep (i guess it felt at home hahha). but my mom had to leave so we
had to get it off the driveway. the poor thing followed us around and
lingered and just didn't want to leave. we asked my mom if we could
keep it, and although my mom was extremely delighted and impressed by
this stray cat, she simply said we couldn't. i mean, i'm not a pet
person at all myself, and i don't know that i would ever want a pet for
the sake of having it, but i guess i just kinda felt like it was led to
us for a reason. who knows, lol. it didn't leave until my mom backed
the van out of the garage and drove off. the cat was so extremely cute
and loveable (yeah, i'm not ashamed to say it!), and it kinda reminded
me of lana's cat tiger (maybe they're long lost cousins!). so cute. here's some pictures:

and yeah, i can't stop reading..

I kinda hesitated to make this public.. stuff like this has happened to me before, as well as to many people that I know personally.. I've written private entries detailing some experiences, but I'm gonna go out of step here.. some people might think I'm crazy or something, but if even one person could relate and know that they aren't the only ones experiencing this sort of thing, if even one person could be encouraged, and if the Name of God can be lifted up high and be blessed, well, that's all that I really care about....

It started with a dream that turned into a nightmare, and as always, I thought my dream was a reality. I dreamt I was on the Northeast Corridor, or maybe it was a bus, but either way, a man came on board and decided to sit on the handrail of my seat (maybe the train or bus was full). I didn't want to stare, but I did take note from the corner of my eye, a very odd looking man: old, skinny, wrinkly face, with a weird shaped, pointy nose (like a skinnier, scarier, and pointier-featured face than Ben Kingsly, the actor). He had a jacket and a beanie on. So there he sat, his back to me, and I started to get paranoid. What if this guy suddenly turns around and kills me, after which he would proceed to kill everyone else on board. I became extremely paranoid and watchful until I decided to get up and act like I was getting off on the next stop, but was really going to switch train cars (I guess I was on a train at this point of my dream, maybe it changed during the dream's course?). So I went to get up, but I couldn't, and I began to notice that the man wasn't there on my side handrail anymore. I still couldn't get up; where did he go? I started to think and feel that this man was on top of me. I kept facing away from him, desperate to try and get up. As my deperation took hold of me, I realized I wasn't sleeping, but nor was I fully awake. This is hard to explain now, but I will try my best. Each time I tried to get up, I felt held down. Then I started to feel something that seemed to come from this man, or being, who I felt was on top of me. He caused a pain to begin from my right ear that traveled throughout my whole body, paralyzing me as it traveled. Two thoughts came to my mind almost simultaneously: 1) Am I dying? and 2) Lord Jesus. I called out His Name, and I kept saying, "Lord Jesus, Lord Jesus.. save me.. Lord Jesus, Lord Jesus," over and over and over again. This is the third time something like this has happened to me, and I know better now to immediately call on the Name of Jesus when an evil spirit or spirits begin to attack me. In this in-between realm where I was neither sleeping nor awake, I called out to Him in fear at first, but then remembered rather quickly the power that lies in the Name of Jesus. My cries for help quickly became confident, as the paralyzing feelings alternately spread and left me. When the paralyzing feeling would shed off, I would say, "Ha! Bring it on, you can't mess with my Jesus!" That may not have been the best way to see the situation, but I couldn't help the confidence I had in Jesus. But even still, the paralyzing feelings came back, and I was battling to get up; I didn't want to die (as I thought I might be closing in on that possibility)! I fought the pain. I fought the paralyzation. I fought the discomfort and I fought the fear. All in the Name of Jesus. Nearing the end of this battle, I struggled to open my eyes and enter into this real world, the world that is my room here on Sip Ave., Jersey City, NJ, planet Earth. As I tried to open my eyes, it felt like there was glue trying to keep my eyes shut, but I was still able to see through patches of this glue. And what I saw was a bright, white background, but in the forefront of my field of vision was a clearly distinct outline of shadows (I could see through these shadows, so they were not black, but their outlines were grayish black). This shadow, or shadows, was moving quickly back and forth, and it seemed like its "arms" were on me, on my chest or something, frantically trying to hold me down, trying to get a hold of me. I heard screams, but not the screams of men. It was high-pitched moans/screams. Imagine someone with asthma exhaling. These screams/moans were high-pitched and wheeze sounding (like when asthmatics wheeze); demonic sounding. Needless to say, yeah, it was pretty scary. Was this a glimpse of the spiritual realm? Did I just witness an evil spirit trying to take hold of me and destroy me? Did I just witness the power of God, the glory of God in white brightness, surround this demon(s) and cause it to flee as I called on His Name? Do you recall in the movie "The Passion of the Christ" when Jesus was first captured: as He was being led away, they beat Him and once threw Him over this ridge. As he hung there, he saw Judas, the one who betrayed Him. They pulled Jesus back up, and as Judas sat in his guilt and shame, he looked over and was suprised/scared by this scary looking demon that went all up in his face and then quickly went/ran away. Well, when I saw these shadows in pure white backdrop, I continued only to call on Jesus. As I heard the screams that sounded as if defeated, with all of my might and with all that I could muster, by the grace and the power of God, I forced my eyes open, and in my head was pictured a similar demon (like the one that scared Judas) running away. The paralysis faded away slowly, as I tried to gather myself in the midst of not really knowing where I was yet. I tried to assure myself that my mind and my senses were back in the real world, that I was back in my room, and that my God had yet again, saved me. Glory, honor, praise and indescribable thanksgiving to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my Helper, Protecter, and Refuge, the most High God, at whose Name our enemies flee.

I woke up a little bit past 12 midnight (maybe 12:07 am when I was finally able to get up and look at the time on my phone?). I was still kinda shook, though very relieved and thankful. I prayed and thanked God for protecting me and being there for me. It's an amazing thing. But I still called Lana to ask her to pray for me. When the Bible says that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and wickedness in high places, I guess we oftentimes don't realize how heated this battle is. We don't realize the fighting and the battles that go on in the spiritual realm. There is a battle for our souls. We have angels fighting for/with us. We have a God who fights for/with us. The devil and his demons are really an ugly bunch, but oh how good they are at deceiving us. They hate us. They hate Jesus. The battlefield is intense, and their attacks (direct or indirect daily attacks of the mind and on our current situations) are ruthless. Only Jesus can pull us through, praise God for that, and I pray that we all can remember to put Jesus first in our lives, to look always to Him, to depend on Him, to remember the greater, eternal purposes for our lives here on this earth, to remember that we have to fight back by living our lives in obedience and submission to God and His calling, to think about the things that matter: pleasing Him and loving our fellow brothers and sisters. Love, meaning to care for them, encourage them, share their burdens with them, go out of your way for them, loving them truly, pointing them to the One true Way. Christian or not, black or white, male or female, homosexual or straight, Jew or Gentile, bond or free. We have a mission. We gotta keep our heads focused.

there's a table in the cafeteria where i work where people leave old
books, magazines, or whatever for people to read or take at their own
leisure. yesterday, during my break, i noticed this book buried
underneath some other books. the spine had the star of david on it,
underneath that it said "Holy Scriptures," and when i removed the books
on top of it, there was the seven pointed candlestick of the jews. i
thought hmm, jewish liturgy maybe? i opened it up to pleasantly find
that it was a kjv Bible. it looked worn and old, but as soon as i
opened it, it was so obvious that it had been left untouched. the pages
still stuck together and there was a breath of newness. it was a study
Bible, and at the end of it, it had interesting facts, greatest
archeological finds, how to witness, an index, prophecies and
fulfillments, history, etc. etc. it was great (!!). i was so happy to
have found it.

then on my lunch break, i noticed 2 bags of books still untouched. i
thought hey, wont hurt to look. it wasnt long before i was holding a
softcovered book by c.s. lewis entitled "the lion, the witch, and the
wardrobe." it was the first book of the chronicles of narnia series. i
read all seven books in 7th grade, and to have found the first book was
awesome, i woulda been happy with just that. but as i kept looking, i
found more and more volumes of the series. by the bottom of the bag, i
had 6 out of the 7 volumes, and i just could not believe it. one man's
trash is truly another man's treasure. i felt like i hit the jackpot at
a garage sale or something. i looked up the book i was missing and
bought it on amazon.com for 40 cents (!!) but of course shipping and
handling was like 3 bucks. but now i got the whole set, and i look
forward to reading some of it once again.

here is an excerpt about the deeper purposes of c.s. lewis' chronicles of narnia:



C. S. Lewis, a well-known author and apologist, is best known by
people of all ages for his seven volume series entitled The
Chronicles of Narnia. As Lewis wrote about the land of Narnia, an
imaginary world visited by children of this world, he had two
obvious purposes: to entertain the readers and to suggest
analogies of the Christian faith. Although some feel that his
stories are violent, Lewis is successful at using fiction to open
peoples' hearts to accepting Christ as their Savior because he
first entertains the audience with a wonderful story...




Although Christian symbolism can be found in The Chronicles,
Lewis recognized the importance of getting "past those watchful
dragons" which are people who are not open to the beliefs of
Christianity because they were told they should believe it
(Hooper ix). But how should Lewis go about getting past those who
are not open to the idea of Christianity? He believed that the
best way to do this was to present it in a fictional world, a
world in which it would be easier to accept. The audience grows
to love Aslan and everything that he symbolizes; they begin to
wish for someone like Aslan in this world. After finding this
love for Aslan, they will ideally transfer that love to Christ
when presented with the Gospel later in life. It is important to
remember that The Chronicles of Narnia are successful because
many readers do not realize the resemblance of Aslan to Jesus
Christ. Even though Christian themes are present, the Chronicles
are not dependent on them (Schakel 132). Peter J. Schakel, a
professor of English at Hope College in Holland, Michigan, states
that a non-Christian reader can approach the book as a fictional
story and "be moved by the exciting adventures and the archetypal
meanings, and not find the Christian elements obtrusive or
offensive" (132). For this reason, "the Narnian stories have been
so successful in getting into the bloodstream of the secular
world" (Hooper 99)...


In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the fifth book of the series,
Aslan tells the children that although they must return to their
own world, they can find him there also (Hooper 123). Aslan says,
"There I have another name. You must learn to know me by that
name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia,
that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better
there" (Hooper 123). Some of Lewis' readers wonder what the
significance of this statement is and begin to search for Aslan
here on earth. Hila, an eleven year old girl from the United
States asked Lewis what Aslan's name is in this world (Dorsett
31-32). His response was this:

As to Aslan's other name, well I want you to guess. Has there
never been anyone in this world who (1.) Arrived at the same time
as Father Christmas. (2.) Said he was the son of the great
Emperor. (3.) gave himself up for someone else's fault to be
jeered at and killed by wicked people. (4.) Came to life again.
(5.) Is sometimes spoken of as a Lamb.... Don't you really know His
name in this world. Think it over and let me know your answer!
(Dorsett 32)

When Lewis' readers find Aslan in the real world, they
will find out that his true name is Jesus Christ. And when this
occurs, Lewis is successful at opening a person's heart to
accepting Christianity...

for the complete article, check this out: http://cslewis.drzeus.net/papers/success.html

i got a couple more cool books: novels (classic ones like the client by
john grisham, medical thrillers, and catch 22), the far side, and a
book about Jesus. it's awesome because these will help supplement my
newfound joy of reading. God is great .

---

Proverbs 3:5-6 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
⁶ In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Psalm 55:22 ²² Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Colossians 3:15 ¹⁵ And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

John 14:27 ²⁷
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world
giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it
be afraid.

Thank you guys, to everyone who has been praying for my MCATS, med. school, and my future. It really does mean the world to me. I write about what's going on in my life, certain aspects of it, because I think it's only fair to those who take time out to lift me up in prayer. And well, these are one of those updates. Last night at R.E.S.E.T., we talked about peace (and Dan, that message really spoke to me). Who would have thought, with all the lessons I've been learning, that I would have to reapply this one so soon? I was relating to so many people last night: "If only I can get through this exam, I'll be okay. If only I could graduate, I'll be fine," but when the thing happens, there isn't peace. There's always a new goal to reach that causes fear and anxiety. True peace only comes from knowing Who God is, and knowing that He has total control of your circumstances.

I got home really early this morning. I felt good. I enjoyed the walk from journal square to my apartment. The breeze was beautiful, and I simply love this kind of weather. I got home. Got some stuff in the mail, and out of whim, just remembered that today was supposed to be the day my MCAT score came out. I really didn't think it would be online, but what the heck, I checked it out. I said a quick prayer, and "click." My heart immediately sank upon looking at the numbers. The scores that held so much weight on whether or not I could get into medical school. So pretty much, although I felt like I did so much better this time around, the fact is, I dropped 1 point in one section and raised 1 point in another section. Bottom line is, I got the same score. The same.. low.. score.

Funny how things are sometimes. Last night, I was talking to a dear brother at R.E.S.E.T., trying to give him some encouragement and motivation. I feel this morning that I need to hear myself speaking again. Yeah, I said so many things, and I could hear God saying, "Okay, Rowan, now you do it. You apply peace in your life when the odds are totally against you. You block out the problems, the distractions, the discouragements, and you focus on what I've given you to do now. Trust Me and have faith in Me to take care of the later, the future." And besides Lord, I know that I deserve this.

Last summer, I learned so much about trusting God. I learned for the first time how to have faith in God despite the pain, despite the hurt, despire depression, and despite my circumstances. I fought it by forcing myself, on a daily basis, to say out loud, "Lord, I trust You." I was attacked by the enemy, but I was stubborn in my faith. I refused to be depressed, I chose not to. "Lord, I trust You.. all this crap.. it's okay.. because Lord, I trust You." I'm sitting here asking myself, is it even worth it to continue? Will the thousands of dollars I spend applying to medical school ultimately go to waste? Seems like it. Should I just.. stop? I don't know. Again, just like always, I just don't know.

I have 2 brothers in nursing school right now. I mean, you can't go wrong with nursing. And what am I doing right now. I work in a laboratory mixing and matching chemicals, a laboratory in upstate New York that makes my commute ridiculous, tiring, and time consuming. But hey, it's the only job I could get with a bio. degree, even though I used to hate chemistry. I'm a chemist. I do count my blessings, but the money I make is a joke compared to the entry level incomes of engineers, business majors, or pharmacy graduates. I have two brothers on their way to becoming nurses, a father who is on his way to becoming a nurse as well. I'm the one who was supposed to become a doctor. Because I told them that's what I wanted, and it sort of went away from me. But I mean med. school. I'm not even close. I burden my mother every day to drive me and pick me up from a dead-end job that isn't even permanent. I'm behind on med. school applications, I'm behind on beginning researching graduate schools, and I'm back saying, I don't know what to do.

For now I'm just left saying..:

                                                                                 ....Lord, I trust You. I really really really, trust You.

..and it truly is quite a beautiful thing.*

Alana's edit:
A text msg from Rowan's cell phone to my instant messenger while he was at church:

+(cell number) (12:01:29 PM): Please p0st up Romans 8:18,24-28 on my entry. 0n the bott0m jus put edit. n p0st up the kjversion verses.thnx baby.these verses just brought me tears 0f j0y.
+(cell number) (12:02:01 PM): God is s0 go0d. s0 amazing
- Ro

Romans 8:18 - "¹⁸ For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Romans 8:24-28 - "²⁴ For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? ²⁵ But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. ²⁶ Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. ²⁷ And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. ²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

I'll be honest, and my utmost thanks goes out only to my Jehoviah Jireh: it feels good to be making money .
First things first, it's a beautiful thing to be able to give back to
God financially. I actually had the audacity to ask: Is it 10% of my
gross income, or 10% of my net income? "Gross income" dumdum (!!). I
mean, it's your choice, but wow, how nitpicky can I possibly get (I'm
sorry I'm so stupid sometimes Lord). It also feels good to be able to
unburden my father from paying my monthly bills (credit card and loan
bills) and to be able to give a little bit extra just for the family
(my family needs all the financial help we can get, and that's honest).
I like the idea of saving up (for things like, oh, I dunno, an
engagement ring!! hahhaha). But all the good stuff aside, savings right
now seem like nothing compared to knowing and finding out what God's
will is for my life and future career (that's really where it's at).
Sigh, the frustrations of just not knowing where you should be, what
you should do, or what you can
do. I always end up talking about this junk (!!), but seriously: Lord,
please help me to continue praising You during this time, looking only
to bless You and others, and to count my blessings along the way. shout of praise....: Hallelujiah!!!

---

Today is Yom Kippur, a most
significant time observed by the Jews. I wanted to add this little
overview to give an idea of what Yom Kippur is all about. There is just
so much to it, so much to the blessed life of a Jew. God's mark is
truly on His people, and we as Christians can learn so much from the
Jewish culture and their reverence for Almighty God. Come to my church
guys!! Seriously: Sha'ar Adonai, 2 West 64th St., NY, NY 10023. Saturday service begins at 11 AM up until about 1 PM. It's
rich, and refreshing, and a true blessing to the spirit and soul. So in
the meantime, something to reflect upon....

“On
the tenth day of this seventh month is the Day of Atonement; it shall
be a holy gathering for you, and you shall afflict yourselves and
present an offering by fire to the Lord. And you shall do no work on
this day, for it is a day of atonement for you before the Lord your
God.”  (Leviticus 23:27-28).

 

The
only fast day decreed in the Bible, Yom Kippur is a time to enumerate
one's misdeeds and contemplate one's faults. Jews are expected, on this
day, to pray for forgiveness for sins between man and God and to
correct their wrongful actions against other people.

 

The days from Rosh Hashana to Yom Kippur
are called the 10 days of penance, when through good deeds, prayer and
repentance, we can soften a bad fate. The major precepts of Yom Kippur
- lengthy devotional services and a 25-hour fast - are observed even by
much of the otherwise secular population.

 

The
level of public solemnity on Yom Kippur surpasses that of any other
festival, including Rosh Hashanah. The pre-fast meal is eaten in the
early evening and should end one hour before sundown. After a day of
prayer and introspection, the end of the fast is marked with the
blowing of the shofar  at the Neila (closing) prayer service in the synagogue. This is when Heaven’s gate is considered closed, sealing our fate for the new year.

---

Mark Farner (a rock star who found Jesus, formerly of the 70's mega-group: Grand Funk Railroad) lyrics

***

I can’t say temptation never bothers me, but you can’t walk around with a blindfold on

I can’t say my mind has never wandered Lord, but I know where to come
When life is too tough, for me to walk the line alone

I only wanna do what’s right

Even in my dreams when it’s late at night, I only wanna do what You want me to
So I’m puttin’ up a fight, ‘coz I only wanna do what’s right, in Your sight

***

Parents in a mixed-up world, are you crying late at night?
You got a sick feeling down deep inside, somethin’ just ain’t right
You send your children off to school, in a system that ain’t too cool
But there’s really nothin’ they can do, because they’re totally dependent on you

Are you conscious of the food they’re eating?

Do you care about the air they’re breathing?
Are they influenced, by your love?
Or do you open the door, and shove.

Parents in a mixed-up world, are you so tied up you can’t move?
Does the straight jacket of society, have you trapped in the same old groove?
Do your children know the Lord above? Do they know the freedom, of His love?
There’s really nothin’ they can do, because they’re totally dependent on you

God’s gonna ask you why, you lived your life that way
(You’re supposed to be a role model)
They’re the ones who have to cry, when they find out you were wrong
(They just looked up to their role model)
Know the things that you must change somehow
It’s your life you rearrange so they can see
Just how they're supposed to be, just how they're supposed to be

***

Rain rain, won’t you please go away, save all your gray skies for another day
I’ve had my share of all your trials and tears, now I’ve found someone new
To make ‘em all disappear. Suddenly they all disappear

 

Isn’t it amazing, what a prayer can do?
When it all seems hopeless, it’ll pull you through (Isn’t it amazing?)
And isn’t it amazing, how a broken heart grows strong
Every now and then that, special someone comes along

Sunshine, you’re an old friend of mine, haven’t seen you around here for a long, long time
It feels so good to have your face shining down, it’s given me strength
To help me carry on, helpin' me to carry on

***

I can see the vision, ahead of me:
I see the Word that makes the incision, separating the bond from the free
I see men who’ve died for freedom, having no place to rest
And the living left behind them, fighting over what’s left
I see thousands of angels filling the sky, and the faces of those left standing
With tears in their eyes, with tears in their eyes

And those who are left behind, the second thoughts that cross their mind
They danced to the devil’s dance, but now they wish they had another chance
They wish they had another chance, another chance

Nothing left but pain and torment, on the faces of doom
’Coz there’s nothing now that can change the course, of the day that came too soon
Of the day that came too soon

I been catching up with my quiet time, thank my God. Check it: if you ever wanna get a renewed sense of God's.. unparalleled, breathtaking, awe-inspiring, spirit-shaking, unspeakable, unimaginable greatness and magnificence, read the book of Revelation. Yeah, I am a far way from understanding the prophesies, signs, and visions, but one thing that has been permanently etched and impressed upon my heart is the kind of God I serve, and I mean wow. What He reveals to us are the things that matter, i.e. His love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, etc., but there is just so much about Him as pertaining to our human senses that we just have no idea about. I can really only imagine. How great indeed is our God (!!). You cannot mess with Him, and when you realize the kind of back you've got, it gives you a renewed sense of strength and victory over the enemy. However, it's not all peaches and cream. It won't take a person long to find out that the book of Revelation is full of coming judgements and a clear picture of God's wrath. How mad does sin make God? Again, we have no idea. We are too easy on ourselves. Shoot, I know I am, and how easily I forget who God is when sin takes hold of me. Shame on me man. I don't understand all the prophecy talk in this book, but for one thing, I am come face to face with my Father in Heaven. How many times I have said to myself while reading: "Lord, who am I compared to Your glory, that You should meet with me now, never leave me, and love me more than I can ever know. Who am I?" It is this thought that first brought me to tears once I started really getting into this Word. It's hard to stop reading, because I feel like I am getting at least a little bit more of a glimpse of this great God Whom I serve and have dedicated my life to. The suffering we go through as Christians, from persecuation to the sometime discomfort of living a righteous and obedient life: man, He is so gonna honor that, and we better believe it (!). How great is our God. I'm just.... wow.

excerpts: Rev. 1:13-16 ¹³ And in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a golden girdle. ¹⁴ His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; ¹⁵ And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters. ¹⁶ And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength. Rev. 4:2-6 ² And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne. ³ And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald. ⁴ And round about the throne were four and twenty seats: and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold. ⁵ And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God. ⁶ And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal: and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, were four beasts full of eyes before and behind.

Rev. 9:3-11 ³ And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. ⁴ And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. ⁵ And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man. ⁶ And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them. ⁷ And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men. ⁸ And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions. ⁹ And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle. ¹⁰ And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months. ¹¹ And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon.

Rev. 21:23-27, 22:1-4 ²³ And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. ²⁴ And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it. ²⁵ And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there. ²⁶ And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it. ²⁷ And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life. ¹ And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb. ² In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. ³ And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him: ⁴ And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.

What are we living for?

((pictures taken from http://www.revelationillustrated.com/))

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So how's work these days you ask? It's actually pretty chill. I'm getting used to waking up at 5 am every morning. Busy days go by fast, slower days go by not-so-fast, but so far it hasn't been too stressful, and I thank God for that, but that's probably only because I am only starting and still have a lot to learn. I'm not exactly in training, but I am expected to just pick things up as I go along, so it's pretty challenging in that sense. So what is it that we do exactly? Alright here goes, just so that people don't get it twisted and think that I am into making pipettes and graduated cylinders (ahem!! lol, inside joke). I work for a privately owned company called Instrumentation Laboratory (IL). This company seems pretty well-to-do to me, having facilities all over Europe and the U.S. Our facility was actually in Sweden, or so I was told, and then was moved to the United States. At any rate, the company makes "instruments," b.k.a. devices, machines, or equiptments, that are used in hospitals and clinical settings throughout the world. The facility I work in specializes in Critical Care Diagnostics and Hemostasis Products. My particular group, the Coag Form (Coagulation Formulations) Team, specializes in making reagents. So check it, a patient in a hospital far far away might have a bleeding problem or thrombic disorder. The doctor orders certain test to be run in order to confirm a diagnosis. Blood samples will be taken from that patient, sent to the lab, and tests in the lab will be done on machines made by IL. In order to perform tests on the hemostasis machines, the machines require certain reagents that come with kits that are provided by IL for the machines the hospitals purchase. That is where we come in. We make those darn reagents in our laboratory, and it's a challenge because we make them in bulk, meaning, we make a lot of it, and from scratch too. Most of the reagents are made from blood plasma, but there are, I am told, over 80 different reagents, all made in a different, yet similar, way. So yeah, you're probably madd lost right now.

All the guys I work with are older men with families and stuff, but there's these two guys that make the atmosphere a little bit more bearable and enjoyable. The woman who interviewed me, hired me, and is the boss of my boss, is an Asian woman, and she always be lookin' out for me. But all in all, the place I work at is awesome because it's amazingly diverse: black, white, asian, hispanic, indian, you name it. Furthermore, everyone is nice (!); well, almost everyone. I'm getting my uniform next week; nametag says "Ro" hahha. Other than that, we gotta wear hair caps all day and keep goggles around our necks. The stuff we do is interesting, and I've learned to appreciate the importance of a lot of the behind-the-scenes work of medical care, but I really can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. I wanna be working with people somehow, helping them, showing them that there are caring people in this field (the medical field). Plus, it's the human body that fascinates me, not chemistry and reactions (although they certainly are all interrelated in some ways). This is good for now though, and a true blessing from God. My hours are suitable for my mom (who drives me), and when I get home at 4:30ish, I still have a good part of the day left to do things that I need to do (although that almost always consists of doing household chores no one else seems to have time for). Money is all good, but I am living in a family, and a lot of it is going towards that. Lord, please guide me; give me strength, patience, endurance, and wisdom. You've placed passions and joys in me for a reason, but I want Your will, not mine. I really have no idea, but please get it done somehow. I am waiting on You and only You. You are my hope, and my true source of peace, happiness, and joy unmatched. I love you so much*

Thank you all for your continued prayers.

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R.E.S.E.T. ya'll (!!). We are workin' out and praying for the formation of a mens' and womens' accountability group (apart from Friday night meetings). I am crazy excited. I don't know how often I will be able to come, but my heart is there, and I pray to God that He can still use me somehow in this amazing and awesome ministry that He has created in R.E.S.E.T., to God be the glory. Based on the last meeting, and from talking to a lot of people, and furthermore knowing my own needs, I believe this is long overdue. The first official R.E.S.E.T. meeting of the semester is tentatively set for Sept. 30. This Friday (tomorrow), we are supporting F.I.C. and a couple other groups, who have an event incorporating Christian and non-Christian ministries, in an effort to show that we can all still integrate in love. That is so whut is up, and then on Saturday, we are gonna try to head out to B.A.S.I.C. (check the website for details). God is good. Like I heard on the radio, He don't need us to be doing His work. He don't need us to be ministering to other people. This is our priviledge, and it ought to be our honor and joy. That's why we gotta make it count, and do our best for Him. "Not to us, but to Your Name, be the glory," amen*

As dysfunctional as we are at times, the truth is....


.:: the crab house in edgewater, nj, right on the river ::.


.:: the inside, absolutely beautiful ::.
((we were the last ones to leave so there is no one inside))


.:: outdoor eating, with a breathtaking view of new york city ::.


.:: my bangin' mango smoothie; this is how life ought to be ::.


.:: the views from outside ::.


.:: blowing out my cake ::.


.:: thank you mom, dad, ryan, raynel, and rommel ::.
for making my insignificant 22nd birthday pretty special
and bringing me some unexpected, but much needed, joy

....i really do love my family.

still
the heartache that exists in this family
absolutely kills me
Lord...

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Alana Graham:

thank you for putting up with my flaws
my stupidity, and my weaknesses
i've put you through so much
and i know in my heart of hearts
that i do not deserve a woman like you

thank you
for not getting tired of saying "i forgive you."
thank you
for the way you love me
it's honestly what i like best about you

You are an angel.

i wanna fly with you.. i do.

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a huge THANK YOU to every single person who had been praying for me during my job search.

I accepted a job offer last Thursday from Instrumentation Laboratories in Orangeburg, NY (upstate) as a Formulations Chemist/Technician for the Hemostasis Product Laboratory.

My hours are from 7am-3pm (M-F), so please pray for my adjustment. I start on Monday, and I am kinda scared and nervous, but as many of you have reminded me, my God goes before me.

Again, thank you, and please continue to pray for my future plans and career. Thinking about my future oftentimes scares me. I want to continue my education at a medical school, health professions school, or graduate school, but I don't know if I can get in, and I need God to show me what to do, give me the strength to do it, and give me the faith and trust to endure. Waiting on God is not always an easy thing to do during a transitional state, but it's a part of life that can mold us if we let it.

On another note, the offer still stands: If there is something in your life that needs prayer, please don't hesitate to leave me a message (through xanga, email, AIM, or phone). You (my friends) have done so much for me, and it would be my joy and honor to intercede for you.

So.. getting a job was absolutely none of my doing. With my shortcomings, downfalls, and foolishness, it was only by the grace of God. This past week especially emphasized that to me. Yeah, times have been tough, but God is always good. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Glory be to GOD*