illinois is so chill*

The Innovators DVD is finally done!!

I truly wish I could give it away for free. I wouldn't have minded working two weeks straight on it, losing some much needed sleep and going crazy for hours on end because I'm such a perfectionist, not to mention the gruelling costs of hardware/software and also burning and wasting countless DVDs only to find further mistakes. I wouldn't have minded it all because it was fun, and I'm very satisfied with the final product. But when I factor in these things: money spent on blank DVDs, money spent on black cases, money spent on colored ink, time spent to cut out and print labels, time spent to print and cut out box art, and 2 hours to burn a single DVD, I regret to say that it wouldn't be worth the time and effort to give away copies for free (sorry!). Let it be known though, that I did this for all you rag crew, s.e.t.u.p., reset, and r.e.s.e.t. guys and girls (you know who you are). I did it so that you can have something to show for all the hard work, time and effort you all put into putting together shows and performances during your years at Rutgers. I put my all into the details of this project, and even more, to making it look presentable, so that you will be able to show your friends and families the DVD with a little bit of earned pride. If I may say so myself, it almost looks professionally done. Just like the back of the DVD case says: "This DVD was created to recognize and immortalize the wonderful accomplishments of some of Rutgers University's finest dancers and performers between the years 2001 and 2005." That being said:

$5 for just the DVD and black case, with no label or box (case) art
$10 for the DVD and all the other goodies (label and case/box art)
..and any other extra donations you might seem fit.

P.S. If there's ONE thing I am disappointed at, it is this: the power cord for my old camera is nowhere to be found. Just when I needed it the most, I can't find it. I really wanted to put some of the S.E.T.U.P. auditions in the "Extra Features" section, including Eli's. So that was a bummer. But nevertheless, this DVD still has a pretty good amount of extra features for you all to enjoy.

So if your interested, reserve your copy today! (I sound like such an advertisement!! lol)
you can leave me a comment, text or call me (if you have my number), AIM me, or email me at rowancv@yahoo.com.

-edit-

"The Purpose Driven Life" for only $7!!! Christmas Special:
http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/productr1.aspx?SID=1&Product_ID=272&Category_ID=81&
i think i will get a couple copies to give away.. take advantage of this, because i believe everyone on ure shopping list deserves a chance to read this book

-end edit-

The Chronicles of Narnia Box Set (adult) (Narnia) (Paperback)


CS Lewis Signature Classics (Boxed Set) (COLLECTED LETTERS OF C S LEWIS) (Paperback)

Box Set Description:
Includes six titles: Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, A Grief Observed, The Problem of Pain, Miracles, and The Great Divorce.

DVDs to buy:
- The Freshest Kids
- 11:14
- http://shopping.drdino.com/view_item.php?id=447DVD
-
.....to be continued.

i wrote this poem earlier this week, and once again, i pull it out and search for the strength to live out these God-given words, the strength to not be a hypocrite, the strength to pass these ongoing tests.

R.E.S.E.T. was on-point last night.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO READ THIS WHOLE ENTRY (mainly the 3rd section)

Psalms 100

i've been doing a whole lot of holiday shopping, and i am appreciating
more and more the convenience of online shopping. actually, i like it
better now than retail shopping, simply because you get the best prices
without ever leaving your house. comfort, convenience, and smart. i
thank God with all my heart for my job, and for providing for me
financially. it is seriously a truth that He will bless the tithe. i
dont know what it is, but im so excited, SO excited i can't wait (!) to
give out Christmas gifts to those that i love. and yeah, it's simply
because i love them so much, and i truly believe that they deserve to
be happy this Christmas, and i'll be darned if God gave me blessings
and resources and did not share them! for the record, giving is truly
so much greater than receiving. but don't get caught up in it,
sometimes i think im spending too much time shopping.

   "But between them and the foot of the sky there was so
something so white on the green grass that even with their eagles' eyes
they could hardly look at it. They came on and saw that it was a Lamb.

   'Come and have breakfast,' said the Lamb in its sweet milky voice.

   Then they noticed for the first time that there was a fire
lit on the grass and fish roasting on it. They sat down and ate the
fish, hungry now for the first time for many days. And it was the most
delicious food they had ever tasted.

   'Please, Lamb,' said Lucy, 'is this the way to Aslan's country?'

   'Not for you,' said the Lamb. 'For you the door into Aslan's country is from your own world.'

   'What!' said Edmund. 'Is there a way into Aslan's country from our world too?'

   'There is a way into my country from all the worlds,' said
the Lamb; but as he spoke his snowy white flushed into tawny gold and
his size changed and he was Aslan himself, towering above them adn
scattering light from his mane.

   'Oh, Aslan,' said Lucy. 'Will you tell us how to get into your country from our world?'

   'I shall be telling you all the time,' said Aslan. 'But I
will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies
across a river. But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge
Builder. And now come; I will open the door in the sky and send you to
your own land.'

   'Please, Aslan,' said Lucy. 'Before we go, will you tell
us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do
make it soon.'

   'Dearest,' said Aslan very gently, 'you and your brother will never come back to Narnia.'

   'Oh, Aslan!' said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

   'You are too old, children,' said Aslan, 'and you must begin to come close to your own world now.'

   'Is isn't Narnia, you know,' sobbed Lucy. 'It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?'

   'But you shall meet me, dear one,' said Aslan.

   'Are-are you there too, Sir?' said Edmund.

   'I am,' said Aslan. 'But ther I have another name. You
must learn to knwo me by that name. This was the very reason why you
were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may
know me better there.'"

-The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Book 5)

after reading the books, they will ask the questions that the book begs you to ask. and upone asking, the
adult or friend will readily tell them, well c.s. lewis is talking
about Jesus Christ! this fictionaly book was written to give you an idea as
to Who Jesus is and what He is life, although He is more amazing than
you or i can ever know or fathm. do you want to know Jesus? and BAM!!
it hits 'em like tears of joy.

how real does c.s. lewis make Aslan? how great can the reader
sympathize with and relate Aslan to Jesus? check this out now; Aslan
takes the Edmund's punsihment for treason, but does not tell anyone.
the only thing that the children know, is that Edmund no longer belongs
to the White Witch. in the middle of the night, Aslan quietly leaves
the camp:

   "'Oh, children, children, why are you following me?'

   'We couldn't sleep,' said Lucy- and then felt sure that
she need say no more and that Aslan knew all they had been thinking.

   'Please, may we come with you- wherever you're going?' said Susan.

   'Well-' said Aslan and seemed to be thinking. Then he
said, 'I shall be glad for company to-night. Yes, you may come, if you
will promise to stop when I tell you, and after that leave me to go
alone.'

   'Oh, thank you, thank you. And we will,' said the two girls.

   Forward they went again and one of the girls walked on
each side of the Lion. But how slowly he walked! And his great, royal
head drooped so that his nose nearly touched the grass. Presently he
stumbled and gave a low moan.

   'Aslan! Dear Aslan!' said Lucy, 'what is wrong? Can't you tell us?'

   'Are you ill, dear Aslan?' asked Susan.

   'No,' said Aslan. 'I am sad and lonely. Lay your hands on
my mane so that I can feel you are there and let us walk together like
that.'

   And so the girls did what they would never have dared to
do without his permission but what they had longed to do ever since
they first saw him- buried their cold hands in the beautiful sea of fur
and stroked it and, so doing, walked with him. And presently they saw
that they were going with him up the slope of hill on which the Stone
Table stood. They went up at the side where the trees came furthest up,
and when they got to the last tree (it was one that had some bushes
about it) Aslan stopped and said,

   'Oh, children, children. Here you must stop. And whatever happens, do not let yourselves be seen. Farewell.'

   And both girls cried bitterly (though they hardly knew
why) and clung to the Lion and kissed his mane and his nose and his
paws and his great, sad eyes. Then he turned from them and walked out
onto the top of the hill. And Lucy and Susan, crouching in the bushes,
looked after him and this is what they saw.

   A great crown of people were standing all round the Stone
Table and through the moon was shining many of them carried torches
which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke. But such
people! Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men;
spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants; and other creatures whom I
won't describe because if I did the grown-ups would probably not let
you read this book-Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths, Horrors,
Efreets, Sprites, Orknies, Wooses, and Ettins. In fact here were all
those who were on the Witch's side and whom the Wolf had summoned at
her command. And right in the middle, standing by the Table, was the
Witch herself.

   A howl and a gibber of dismay went up from the creatures
when they first saw the great Lion pacing towards them, and for a
moment the Witch herself seemed to be struck with fear. Then she
recovered herself and gave a wild, fierce laugh.

   'The fool!' she cried. 'The fool has come. Bind him fast.'

   Lucy and Susan held their breaths waiting for Aslan's roar
and his spring upon his enemies. But it never came. Four hags, grinning
and leering, yet also (at first) hanging back and half afraid of what
they had to do, had approached him. 'Bind him, I say!' repeated the
White Witch. The hags made a dart at him and shrieked with triumph when
they found that he made no resistance at all. The others-evil dawrfs
and apes- rushed in to help them and between them they rolled the huge
lion round on his back and tied all his four paws together, shouting
and cheering as if they had done something brave, although, had the
Lion chosen, one of those paws could have been the death of them all.
But he made no noise, even when the enemies, straining and tugging,
pulled the cords so tight that they cut into his flesh. Then they began
to drag him towards the Stone Table.

   'Stop!' said the Witch. 'Let him first be shaved.'

   Another roar of mean laughter went up from her followers
as an ogre with a pair of shears came forward and squatted down by
Aslan's head. Snip-snip-snip went the shears and masses of curling gold
began to fall to the ground. Then the ogre stood back and the children,
watching from their hiding-place, could see the face of Aslan looking
all small and different without his mane. The enemies also saw the
difference.

   'Why, he's only a great cat after all!' cried one.

   'Is that what we were afraid of?' said another.

   And they surged round Aslan jeering at him, saying thigns
like 'Puss, Puss! Poor Pussy,' and 'How many mice have you caught
to-day, Cat?' and 'Would you like a saucer of milk, Pussums?'

   'Oh how can they?'
said Lucy, tears streaming down her cheeks. 'The brutes, the brutes!'
for now that the first shock was over the shorn face of Aslan looked to
her braver, and more beautiful, and more patient than ever.

   'Muzzle him!' said the Witch. And even now, as they worked
about his face putting on the muzzle, one bite from his jaws would have
cost two or three of them their hands. But he nevermoved. And this
seemed to enrage all that rabble. Everyone was at him now. Those who
had been afraid to come near him even after he was bound began to find
their courage, and for a few minutes the two girls could not even see
him- so thickly was he surrounded by the whole crowd of creaturs
kicking him, hitting him, spitting on him, jeering at him.

   At last the rabble had had enough of this. They began to
drag the bound and muzzled Lion to the Stone Table, some pulling and
some pushing. He was so huge that even when they got him there it took
all their efforts to hoist him onto the surface of it. Then there was
more tying and tightening of cords.

   'The cowards! The cowards!' sobbed Susan. 'Are they still afraid of him, even now?'

   When once Aslan had been tied (and tied so that he was
really a mass of cords) on the flat stone, a hush fell on the crowd.
Four Hags, holding four torches, stood at the corners of the Table. The
Witch bared her arms as she had bared them the previous night when it
had been Edmund instead of Aslan. Then she been to whet her knife. It
looked to the children, when the gleam of the torchlight fell on it, as
if the knife were made of stone not of steel and it was of a strange
and evil shape.

   At last she drew near. She stood by Aslan's head. Her face
was working and twitching with passion, but he looked up at the sky,
still quiet, neither angry nor afraid, but a little sad. Then, just
before she gave the blow, she stooped down and said in a quivering
voice,

   'And now, who has won? Fool, did you think that by all
this you would save the human traitor? Now I will kill you instead of
him as our pact was and so the Deep Magic will be appeased. But when
you are dead what will prevent me from killing him as well? And who
will take him out of my hand then?
Understand that you have given me Narnia forever, you have lost your
own life and you have not saved his. In that knowledge, despair and
die.'

   The children did not see the actual moment of the killing. They couldn't bear to look and had covered their eyes."

-The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Book 2)

(but the this is the book i think you should read first)

this was
the first time c.s. lewis made me cry. it was Jesus Who i pictured
reading it the whole way through. then you know, after seeing a movie
like "The Passion of the Christ," and mixing it in with what you know
from the Bible, and then some of your imagination, how can you not be
profoundly touched and hit, and how can we not fall more in love with
Jesus for what He did for us?

If you are interested in reading some stuff, but don't feel like reading all 7 books, here is my suggestion:



1) Read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" in its entirety



2) Read the summaries of

    "The Magician's Nephew"- http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/MN.html

    "The Horse and His Boy"- http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/HHB.html

    "Prince Caspian"- http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/PC.html

    "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader"- http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/VDT.html

    and "The Silver Chair"- http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/SC.html

    in that order.

    (book summaries: http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/books.html)

    (Keith A. Webb's main website: http://www.geocities.com/kawebb99/)



3) Read "The Last Battle" in its entirety

i finished the "Last Battle" right before service started at my church,
and i just have to tell you that tears of joy overcame me right then
and there. c.s. lewis has such a gift, and he makes Christ known in
such a beautiful and such an amazing way. especially in the end, i
don't want to give it away, but something happens that puts every
together beautifully that i dont think you will be able to help but
tear in the very least. and just everything that c.s. lewis challenges
us to think about and imagine, it's like "wow." all the symbolism and
imagery. even with all that i noticed, i browsed through a book called
"Into the Wardrobe" which explains all there symbols and stuff, and i still missed
a while lot (!), and the stories are just so rich. it really and truly
does give the reader, if a Believer, such a renewed and refreshed (or
new and fresh) understanding of Who Jesus is to us. simply amazing. simply beautiful .

---

some little things that i am looking forward to buying (or receiving ):

- http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0064471195/102-2556505-6545745?v=glance&n=283155&%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance (boxed set to give to my brother)
- http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060847131/102-2556505-6545745?v=glance&n=283155&%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance (boxed set for me)
- http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Screwtape-Letters_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ1796342 ("The Screwtape Letters" by c.s. lewis- synopsis: In The Screwtape Letters, one of his bestselling works, we are
made privy to the instructional correspondence between a senior demon,
Screwtape, and his wannabe diabolical nephew Wormwood. As mentor,
Screwtape coaches Wormwood in the finer points, tempting his "patient"
away from God. Each letter is a masterpiece of reverse theology,
giving the reader an inside look at the thinking and means of
temptation. Tempters, according to Lewis, have two motives: the first
is fear of punishment, the second a hunger to consume or dominate other
beings. On the other hand, the goal of the Creator is to woo us unto
himself or to transform us through his love from "tools into servants
and servants into sons." It is the dichotomy between being consumed and
subsumed completely into another's identity or being liberated to be
utterly ourselves that Lewis explores with his razor-sharp insight and
wit. The most brilliant feature of The Screwtape Letters
may be likening hell to a bureaucracy in which "everyone is perpetually
concerned about his own dignity and advancement, where everyone has a
grievance, and where everyone lives the deadly serious passions of
envy, self-importance, and resentment." We all understand
bureaucracies, be it the Department of Motor Vehicles, the IRS, or one
of our own making. So we each understand the temptations that slowly
lure us into hell. If you've never read Lewis, The Screwtape Letters is a great place to start. And if you know Lewis, but haven't read this, you've missed one of his core writings. -Patricia Klein)
- http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000ALM40I/102-2556505-6545745?v=glance&n=130&%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance ("11:14", i haven't seen it, but it looks like my type of movie)

---

Thank You Lord for Your amazing Love
Thank You Lord for Your Salvation
Thank You Lord for Who You are in my life
Thank You Lord for my family
Thank You Lord for our home, the deeper meaning of home
Thank You Lord for bringing Alana back into my life
Thank You Lord for the amazing blessing that she is
Thank You Lord for second chances
Thank You Lord for my friends
Thank You Lord for my R.E.S.E.T. family
Thank You Lord for Sha-Ar Adonai
Thank You Lord for Rabbi/Pastor Steve and Carol
Thank You Lord for giving me such a Hope



At least for today, I ask You for nothing

I only thank Thee

if you can seriously look into ureself, and u dont freakin' have to look deep, and believe that u are killing innocent people in the name of God, because God wants u to, or because u think God approves, THEN YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F'N NUTS. crazy. heartless. selfish animal.

i know this kind of stuff happens every day, but i'm sorry, i still get pissed every time.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/11/10/jordan.blasts/index.html

Jordanians light candles outside the Grand Hyatt hotel in Amman, Jordan on Thursday.
King Abdullah pledged to "pull from their holes" militants behind three suicide bombings
that ripped through luxury hotels in Jordan's capital.

---

this movie and story got me thinking: http://www.cdnn.info/news/article/a040723.html

thoughts:
- this movie was not meant to be appreciated for plot, but for a person to gain a deeper insight to what a truly sad experience must have been like
- i can maybe understand miscounting 1 person on such a small boat, but 2?! (especially for such a multi-billion dollar diving company)
- that kind of grave irresponsibility (the kind that tortures and kills people) is beyond me, and yeah, it was another thing that totally pissed me off
- i saw the movie, i read the story, and i am so truly sad for that couple, and for anyone in the history of the world who has had to go through a similar experience
- one of the saddest movies i've ever seen (very realistic and it puts u right there with them)

- great/convincing acting
- i kept putting myself in their place, and that alone scared me to death and freaked me out like few things ever have (i also thought, "what if that were alana and myself? what the heck would i do and how would i handle such a situation?" crazzyyy)
- if you ever feel like u have so many problems, and u cant take it anymore, and yada yada yada (i'm telling myself this too man), then watch this movie (i'm gonna buy for that purpose alone)
- the movie is not depressing, as some people think, more like, it slaps you upside the head for complaining about stupid stuff
- after watching, it will make u feel extremely safe and blessed to not be in such a predicament; to be on dry land; made me thank God for His protection over me and those that i love, for allowing us to never be put in such a situation

---

for a moment today while i was at work, my oh so familiar enemy of depression attacked  me directly into my heart, but you know what....

....i'm counting my blessings.

.:: you are too good to be true ::.


my love, i'll never find the words, my love
to tell you how I feel, my love
mere words, could not, explain
precious love, you held my life within your hands
created everything I am
taught me how to live again

only you, cared when i needed a friend
believed in me through thick and thin
this song is for you, filled with gratitude and love

God bless you
you make me feel brand new
for God blessed me with you
you make me feel brand new
i sing this song for you
make me feel brand new

my love, whenever i was insecure
you built me up and made me sure
you gave, my pride, back to me
precious friend, with you i'll always have a friend
you're someone who i can depend
to walk the path that sometimes bends

without you, life has no meaning or rhyme
like notes to a song out of time
how can i repay, you for having faith in me?

God bless you
you make me feel brand new
for God blessed me with you
you make me feel brand new
i sing this song for you
make me feel brand new

in a place that won't let us feel
in a life where nothing seems real
  i have found you, i have found you
in a world that's moving too fast
in a world where nothing can last
  i will hold you, i will hold you

dreams, they were all i ever knew
dreams, you won't need when i'm through
anywhere, we may be, i will sing with you
a song

  a song, played on a solo saxophone
so stay with me, and hold me tight, and dance
like it's the last night of the world