The dangerous lie I tell myself every day: I'm not that bad.

Just went through some old poems
Journal entries and drawings
How can tears come so fast
When you’ve come so far
Jeremiah

You don’t know what hurts lie ahead of you
You don’t know that your beautiful smile
Will be ridiculed, mocked, and put to shame
That you will make mistakes
And the burden of some will be unbearable
I look at your innocence and joy
Your uncertainty, confusion, and dependency
I do see myself in you
But I also know that I’m weak
I’m selfish, lazy, and broken
I’m sorry for my part of your gene pool
Those tendencies and dispositions
Like depression, regret, and fear
And it’d be because of me
I gave you life and I apologize because
I know you didn’t ask for it
To be brought into this world
A world that doesn’t care about your heart
That will use, manipulate, and belittle you
And show you no compassion
And yet
Has my journey in life been in vain
To let my past dictate your future
Have I learned nothing
How can I deny
The sweetness you’ve brought into my life
That life itself is a gift
Like how your smile and laughter
Take me to a different world
Or how your embrace
Never fails to renew my strength
I do already see my best in you
Though you’re something altogether new
The truth is, I didn’t give you life
Nor did I bring you into this world
Your purpose had long been set
You don’t know the lives you will touch
You don’t know the change you will make
The eternal impact your life will have
I promise to teach you and do my part
To help you experience all that is good
You will never be alone
We will learn and grow together
Hope will anchor us through the years
And when you fail, I will love you
No matter what
When you’re scared, I’ll protect you
When you’re lost, I will guide you
In your pain, I will comfort you
You will see the beauty
Of a sovereign design
That everything happens for a reason
That even through fire and rain
Something precious can emerge
You are my strong tree
I will never stop saying I love you
That I’m proud of you
I’ll never stop cherishing each moment
Our home will be a safe shelter
Where the past can never hurt you
Where you can overcome this world
Where wisdom, virtue, and strength take root
In the One Who will never fail
Even when I do

I got so many hugs and squeezes from Jeremiah this morning, sigh.. what bliss LOL .

If I could understand more, the depths of God's love for me,
I could love you more perfectly.
If I could only live with more urgency.

I get to watch him, every day.. I get to be with him, to love on him, to hold his hand as he grows up.. and I get to do it with my best friend and better half.. these thoughts overwhelm my heart with joy and thanksgiving.. yet at the same time I am sensitive to the solemn responsibilities God has entrusted to me, as both husband and father.. desperate to cherish every moment, to make each second count, to love more perfectly each day.. desperate to keep God in the center of my family.

Yesterday was a perfect day. I got my work done, I cleaned, I cooked chicken adobo, I ran errands.. but the best, and I mean the best part of yesterday, was spending time with Jeremiah and Alana. When they got home, I spent time reading to Jeremiah and we played. I gave him a bath and when I was rocking him in the dark, just before putting him down into the crib for bed, we totally just loved on each other- we talked, we laughed, we whispered, we cuddled, Jeremiah pointed things out in the dark ("sky!").. I finally put him down. Then Alana and I got to watch "Philadelphia," and afterwards we lay in bed talking about life. We talked about a lot of things, and it was just so nice to have that kind of time with my wife- to just talk.. to be able to talk, about any and everything. We laughed and giggled so much and enjoyed being ourselves. Intimacy. I'm bottling this amazing day/evening/night and keeping it forever, through this xanga entry . Thank you Lord!!

Every time the apostles/disciples proclaimed the Good News in Acts, they always started from Abraham and the promise God made to him, into parts of Israel's history, and how it all ties into Jesus. All this in the context of the Kingdom of God and the forgiveness of sin so that we can be right with God and with one another. When sharing about Jesus to the people around you, these things are essential to talk about. Without understanding the "big picture," it's difficult to claim to know what the Gospel really is.

If you can say "I don't love you anymore" to someone, then you never really loved that person either, because true love endures and never fails.

God is healing me. I will get there in Jesus' Name.