A Story from "C"

I have struggled with masturbation and
pornography since my mid-teens up till now when I am 21 and really feel
that it is time to move on for good. It has destroyed my life so much
and I pray that I recover fully. I am a saved Christian and feel so
guilty and ashamed when I fall to my problem. The longest I have gone
without falling is 2-3 months but now I am ready to take your

40-day-challenge.

I almost cried while reading some of the
other stories because I can relate directly to them. I strongly believe
God put BeBroken.com in my life today to make a fresh commitment to
start over on recovery!

I am praying for all of you guys and
please lift me up in your prayers as well. Jesus Christ has the victory
and I pray that he will deliver each one of us from this problem.

God Bless and thank you!

A Story from "J"

I am a seventeen year old male who has
been addicted to porn for 4 years. I have been saved since I was about 8
years old. I have a desire to serve God and I have always been very
involved in the church even through my addiction.

I am still addicted to this day and I
actually gave in to porn earlier today. It seems like Satan has a grasp
around me and I cant get free. I have gotten up only to stumble back
down for three years. It tears my heart apart to know that I ask for
forgiveness then turn around and lie to God by giving into masturbation
again.

I beg you all to lift me up in your
prayers as will I lift you all up. I just want to have a pure heart so
that I can serve the Lord to my full potential.

A Story from "RP"

I finally did it. I lost my wife and my 3
wonderful kids over this addiction and I feel ashamed; confused. I can't
live without my wife. I hurt her in the past and she forgave me, but
there I was again chatting and looking at porno sites. I want to change
and I know I have a problem. I sought therapy before but my wife was not
supportive. She would insult me and say that I was a psycho, well I
should have ignored her and kept going.

Two weeks ago my 15 y/o daughter opened an
old email account we had and I was nervous because somehow the password
was reset. Well, to make a long story short my poor daughter opened it
and she saw all the names of women I had chatted with. She use to look
at me like I was her hero now with eyes of disgust. It hurt so bad and I
asked her and her older sister not to say anything and that I had
changed. I got nervous one day and I hit my daughter so she told my wife
everything. I lost her. I'm not sure if it's for good but I need help. I
pray that the lord gives me strength.

I parked my car in the garage today. I
wanted to die, the pain of losing my family was unbearable. I made an
appt with a therapist and I don't want to go to hell so I know suicide
is not an option plus my little boy and my daughters and my wife need
me. I hope she realizes that I can change. I know I have a problem, I
just need the tools to get better and most of all I NEED my family.

God bless you. By the way, this is only
the 2nd day since I lost them.

It
was at this point that the tears began to come for me personally. You
see, I know about the pain, depression, and shame that comes with
losing the love of your life because of sexual sin, but even still, one
can never really know about the suffering of another human soul. I
prayed to the only One who could help this man. I put my hand up
towards the screen and interceded for my brother, and with every story,
another prayer. I can't imagine the number and scope of broken
individuals out in this world because of this lone vice. It breaks my
heart. It truly breaks my heart, and I feel for them because I surely
know what it is like. I'm reminded of how much I hate this sin, I'm
reminded of the CAUSE I am fighting for even in my own personal
battles, and most of all, I'm reminded of how much I love God because
of what He has done for me. I can go on and on, but I will let these
brothers' testimonies speak for themselves. These testimonies are up
here for a reason....

A Story from "LS"

I'm a 53 year old sex addict. My journey
started with a Playboy magazine I found hidden around the house. I was
also sexually abused on one occasion by my brothers friend who was four
years older than me. this lead to years of seeking out porn and daily
masturbating. In my late teens and early 20's I was involved in frequent
causal sex, porn & masturbation. I then started to frequent strip clubs.
In my mid 20's I got married but the desire to seek out porn and
masturbate was still strong. The porn became more explicit and more
varied.

In my late 20's I accepted the Lord as my
Savior and I thought these urges would go away but they continued. Two
years later I used a prostitute. At that point the spirit of God had me
confess it to my wife. I thought that would do it but here I am 19 years
later confessing my weekly visits to prostitutes and caught using
internet porn. I am separated from my wife and am going through a
recovery program through my church.

A Story from "S"

I've been sexually active for three years
(actually having sex); longer if you include impure thoughts. I've been
with over 15 girls some under age and it has finally caught up with me.
I was caught "in the act" with a 14 yr. old girl, I'm 18. It was her
father (who also happens to be a cop). I'm being charged with one count
of first degree and one count of second degree rape. This has torn
myself, my family, and those close to me apart. I don't even have enough
money to get a lawyer. I just graduated valedictorian with honors,
enlisted in the air force, my life was planned out. I threw it all away
on this addiction. I need help and quick I AM ready to come back to the
Lord.

A Story from "DF"

Since puberty I have masturbated fairly
regularly. I thought all guys did. When I was in my early twenties, I
chased girls, drank heavily, and went to strip clubs on special
occasions. Masturbation was still there. I was a smart guy, with great
grades and a very good future. My daily life fed my mind images and
memories for masturbation.

Then I met the person who was to become my
wife. She is a beautiful, attractive person with a big heart for
animals. I was set. I would still masturbate, especially during tough
times, but it was OK because I knew that she did occasionally also. My
justification. I became more successful; more stressed, more full of
myself, and eventually got hooked on Internet porn. When she found out,
it destroyed her.

That was in May 2003. I stopped the
masturbation and the porn at that time. Stopped it all cold turkey. We
went to a lot of counselors, but none of it really helped. The best
thing we did was go back to church. But she can't trust, and she
believes that when I'm not with her I'm looking lustfully at women. I'm
always afraid to glance in the wrong direction when I'm with her,
because if there's a girl or poster or something there, she will believe
that I was looking for it and wanted to see it. I think she has given up
on us. We still live together, but I'm like a roommate that she wishes
would move out. She'll never open up to me again, and I miss my friend
so much...

A Story from "PB"

Fifteen years of sexual addiction almost
destroyed everything I hold dear. As a man who made a decision to follow
Christ, it sure didn't look like it in this area. I was married, a youth
pastor, and father of 2, but this darker side of me led me to videos
stores where I would steal porn movies, secretly watch them, and then
feel utterly guilty and alone.

About 3 years ago, I decided to go on the
offensive. I started the Setting Captive Free 60-day course, but only to
fail 3 times over. Looking back, I know I was unwilling to do what it
required: disclosure to my pastor, my wife, and an accountability
partner/group. Last year those 3 things happened. The addition of the
Safe Eyes filter was indispensable - it was just what a computer-savvy
guy like me needed. My brother now holds the administrative password and
setting. Each Saturday morning, 3 other guys ask me if I've viewed
sexually alluring material or allowed my mind to entertain inappropriate
sexual thoughts, and I tell them the truth (the last question we ask is:
Did you just lie to me?). This, coupled with the filter, and a reliance
on God's strength to do what I am powerless to do myself, has led to to
freedom from this addiction. It has been 30 days since I've acted on
temptations that would've held me hostage, and I intend to go another 30
days with God's help.

A Story from "HF"

As I look back I see my childhood plagued
with inappropriate actions with older children. A babysitter fondled me
as a child etc. As I grew to a teenager I discovered porn mags in my
home and walked in on my father masturbating. I soon followed and got
involved -- never with prostitution or other women.

I have struggled with this on and off
until this fall when my wife found porn on my computer. (I actually am
glad that she caught me! I couldn't stop myself - though I told myself I
could) I am 58 years old and am disgusted with my lifestyle. I need all
the help I can get! I am presently seeing a secular counselor as I could
not find a Christian willing to 'deal' with this subject. I have found
Be Broken! I have taken the

40-day challenge - I deal daily with challenges and temptations from
Satan. I WANT TO BE FREE - it's time now - Thank you JESUS for what you
have done for me!

A Story from "D"

Today is the 6th consecutive day that I
have been clean. My personal record is 35 days. I am committed to go 40
days clean and hopefully beyond that.

The first time I saw porn I was 13 and I
still remember how the shape of her body made me tingle inside. I
started using porn regularly soon after I married. Then I started P and
M together. Now I long to be free. I have tried many times to quit: I
would go for a week, and then fall. Then get up, and start again.
Sometimes I'd fall, and resume regular use of P and M. My wife has put
up with much more than she should have. Sometimes when I would recommit
to being clean, I made a condition with God. If you will..., then I will
stay clean. But this time, there are no conditions. I am committed to 40
clean days, period. I pray to go longer. I need your prayers, brothers,
and encouragement.

A Story from "R"

For a few years now I've been struggling
with internet pornography and masturbation, it's getting to the stage
where I have no clue what to do. It started off simply with "simple"
porn, and has just gotten completely out of control. It has progressed
to all manner of fetishes and perversion, and I really don't know what
to do. I hate it so much, but when the desire sets in I feel so
powerless, its like a drug I have to have.

I have prayed about it and prayed and
prayed and prayed, and I really don't know what to do anymore. I want to
be free so bad, but this has gone so deep into me I don't know if I can
ever be free - please help! Any advice at all would be wonderful. I am
19 and this is taking over my life. I have become so insecure and
self-conscious. The porn is getting seriously into the realm of illegal
perversion. Please, I need help.

A Story from "AKW"

It’s Christmas day and I am alone with my
thoughts and God. Two weeks ago, my wife filed for divorce. I have been
a complete fraud. I started out just flirting with women. In my mind I
was being faithful as long as I didn't have sex with these women. I
gradually started chatting online with other women. It was just email.
This wasn’t wrong in my mind as long as nothing else happened.
Eventually, I ended up meeting some of these women and I had multiple
affairs. I totally devastated my wife and my life. I have told her
everything now I think but I continue to have revelations. For example,
I now know I was unfaithful to my wife even before I flirted with the
first woman. You see, by not opening up to my wife, I was unfaithful.
All the acts were just the symptoms of my unfaithfulness. I will never
get my wife back. She is devastated. But the good is that I am now
totally committed to God and being a Christian man and Father. I may
never experience an intimate relationship with a woman but I know I will
have an intimate relationship with my Father. Please pray for my wife to
not hurt. She needs your support. I pray that she will find a real man
to love her the way I didn't do until it was too late.

For anyone that is involved in deception and other sins, come clean now.
Do not wait until it is too late as I did. If you do wait, God will
forgive you, but you WILL lose more than your dignity. You may lose the
love of your life!

A Story from "JA"

I have been looking at porn for 4 years
now. I am 18 and I have seen everything and I can't stop it. This is
really bad and I need help. It's interfering with everything in my life.
I really need help.

A Story from "T"

I no longer leer at women; I try to keep my eyes above the neck at all
times. I just feel CLEAN! I confessed all this to my wife and asked for
her forgiveness, and renewed my commitment to her. I thank God, that I
have her support and forgiveness.

A Story from "Art"

I was bound up and lost to pornography and
masturbation for more than 40 years, of which 22 years were as a
Christian. Many times since being saved I tried to overcome this sinful
addiction. I would stay away from p&m for months at a time. I was always
in turmoil, always angry, always ready to do battle with anyone and for
any reason. I did not find much good in people and did not trust easily.
I acted like I had it all together and was friendly even joked around a
lot when around others. I was always positive and affirming toward
others. This was all a big front to hide the death and decay, the hate
and discontent, the feeling of failure I had toward myself. I hated me
so much because I could not get free from the lure of p&m that
continually drew me back in, and the vicious cycle would begin where it
left off the time before, worse than it was.

On January
13, 2004 God used SCFPF (Setting Captives Free Pure Freedom) to
radically change my life for eternity. I don't recall exactly how I got
to SCF’s home page (www.settingcaptivesfree.com)
but I did, and since that day I have not been the same. The Lord drew me
to Himself. He said, concerning my sin, “enough, it is time for this one
to be set free.” See, I know He sought me out, He pursued me, because I
was not looking to be set free from p&m when I reached SCF. But when I
got there, I wish I could explain the feeling that came over me, but
words cannot adequately describe the brokenness and hope I felt at the
same time. The joy and sorrow, the love and the hate, all at the same
time running thru the core of my being. I had an appointment with God
that He was not going to allow me to miss. It was an appointment with
the Great Physician. He was about to perform radical surgery on me. He
was fixing to amputate p&m out of my life forever.

I knew I was experiencing God in a new and
deeper way. This time was different because for the first time I began
hoping that I too could say with complete and thorough conviction, as
others before me said, “I am set free from the bondage of p&m, forever.”
I did not believe that this could be a reality for me. I had tried so
many times before, why would this time be different. I was too far gone,
no hope. Hopelessness is worse than death. It is a living death. Yet the
Holy Spirit inside me was giving me a new hope, just a glimmer, yet it
was enough for me to sign up to Pure Freedom. It was enough hope for me
to go against everything that was saying, "This is just another futile
attempt to have what you cannot have.” Peace, hope, love, joy,
acceptance, forgiveness, that’s all I wanted. As I was going thru lesson
one, again the Holy Spirit encouraged me, gave me a little more hope,
enough to go to lesson two. And each day since I have been experiencing
the love of God, the hope in God, His peace, which passes all
understanding, in new and exciting ways. This is good because I really
did not understand what was going on at first.

My joy today is indescribable. I am
accepted. The blood of the Lamb has redeemed me. Indeed I am forgiven.
By the way, I know that I am set free, forever, from p&m by the grace of
God thru the love of Jesus Christ and in the power of the Holy Spirit.
If you are reading this and you have no hope, you see no freedom for
you, regardless the sin, take heart my friend you are exactly where the
Heavenly Father, the Lord of all, wants you. He promise’s that "If you
draw near to Him He will draw near to you.” Go ahead

take the next step toward
Him. You will never be the same. Oh and just one more thing, this
freedom I speak of came at a grave cost to our Savior. He paid the price
with His life for the freedom I enjoy and if I want to continue in this
freedom I must continue in Him. You too can have pure freedom, in Him.
Just call on Him - He is there.

A Story from "RG"

Hi,

I am a
thirty-year-old male who has struggled with some form of sexual
addiction for 10-12 years now. I used to be a youth minister and really
had (and still do have) a desire to serve God. I think in hiding my
addiction and fooling myself into thinking "it wasn't as bad as I
thought it was" and all the other games we play with ourselves...I came
out of ministry for guilt and shame.

I have been
in a secular job for almost three years now...but my heart desires to
serve our Lord. I know that this really can't happen until I face this
sin and let Him heal me of it. I love God and know He has the power to
heal me.  I think I really have a trust problem that hinders me the
most.

So, I am
starting here with somewhat autonomy. I am trying to work up the courage
to talk with my pastor...but will start with baby steps. Thank you for
listening.

A Story from "NO"

On the
outside, my life looked (and still does look) like the all American
dream. Married 19 years to a beautiful woman who has not worked since
our oldest was born 17 years ago.  Four healthy kids, a killer career,
well respected in our community, active volunteer, and yet BROKEN to the
max.

Since I was
14 years old, I have struggled with some for of sexual addiction or
another. As an adult it has been frequent encounters with other men.
While I was never involved in a relationship, I was addicted to the
temporary satisfaction gained from having "casual" encounters with other
men. Without going into great detail, I will tell you that most of the
community found out about it a little over a year ago and what an
incredible journey it has been since. My wife already knew of my
struggle but was not prepared to face it in public.

To make a
long story short, we are surviving - NO, we are living again with
support from a community of faith, individual and marriage counseling,
close friends, prayer, seminars, and gut wrenching conversations. There
is hope.  And, while I am enslaved to sin and still struggle and have
fallen since, I now know that we will make it. What other choice do we
have? The alternative is no longer acceptable. It is not the distance
between me and my last encounter that matters, it is the distance
between me and the cross! There is HOPE.

A Story from "Doug"

My sexual
addiction started in my early twenties.  It started with magazines, then
went to videos, and then to internet chat rooms.

I told
myself that I wasn't hurting anybody by putting my thoughts and energy
into these vices, but in actuality I was hurting the love of my life. 
She found out that I was talking sexually to other women on the internet
and found some receipts from a local adult bookstore.

I told
myself that I could stop doing this and I had stopped for a while.  But
whenever I was stressed, depressed, or felt lonely, I would go back to
the porn.

I finally
woke up when my wife told me she had met someone on her trip to Mexico,
and that he made her feel like I had never done because I would turn to
porn instead of confiding my true feelings and thoughts to her.  She
feels that I was talking to these other women because she did not meet
my needs.  That wasn't it at all, but I let my insecurities take control
of my life.

I am now
going to counseling to deal with the issues that drove me to choose porn
instead of putting that energy into the love of my life.  I never
physically had sex with anyone else but my wife.  Now I'm left with
trying to show and prove to her that I never did these things because I
didn't love her.  It's been the worst feeling to know that my wife
cannot believe that I love her.

I know in
time she will see this is true, but until then I have a lot of work to
do to myself and I'm willing to do everything in my power to win back
the love of my life.

A Story from "D"

I really
had not been involved in anything sexual until the age of 11.  I was
attracted to girls, though had no "girl friends."  I was introduced to
self-stimulation by an older neighbor boy and began a 42 year path to
addiction. I have viewed porn on and off during these years.  My first
marriage was affected and dissolved twice.  My second marriage ended in
separation of two years.  I am back with my wife now but still struggle
with porn. The longest time I have gone without porn is 2 1/2 months.
This was recently, but I slipped back into it. I would really like to
stay away from it forever and enjoy the Lord in my life instead. I know
in time she will see this is true, but until then I have a lot of work
to do to myself and I'm willing to do everything in my power to win back
the love of my life.

A Story from "J"

Hi.  I was
reading your article on pornography being dangerous and I am a living
confirmation. It has been a destructive, devastating, and hard traveled
road.

I believe I
began to watch pornography around the age of 13. However, I couldn't
have ever forecasted that I, now 37,would carry a sex offender label,
have done years of prison time, and at this point of my life I still
struggle with drugs and pornography. It is a vicious, always promising
yet never satisfying, cycle. Yet I continually hunger for it.

I've
wrestled with suicidal thoughts that I might escape.  However, thanks be
to God's grace I'm still here.  I'm now married to a wonderful woman who
is fully aware of my addiction.  She has been extremely supportive and
Christ has given us the strength to endure. Though Paul said he was the
chief sinner I want to say that it is me. Even though I've yet to find
practical victory daily I won't throw in the towel because my Lord's
unfailing and consoling love won't let me. 

I am
writing this that I might find help for me and be of help to others. I
have this dream of overcoming this and sharing my struggle and victory
with others, that Christ might shine in me instead of this dark ,gloomy
and all consuming addiction.  I want freedom for myself and my brothers
who share in this addiction. I need help.  I don't even want to try to
do this alone anymore.  I can't! Thank you for hearing me and God bless.

A Story from "CR"

I finally
read about a fellow whose encounter with porn came earlier in his life
than my own - this man was 8 and he describes the excitement he felt
because, though he didn't know truly what he was looking at, he knew it
was dirty and this gave him a rush.  This is what occurred to me when I
uncovered a porno book at age 10.

Unfortunately, as your site says, porn distances one from people and I
want to be close to someone special -- I still have the affects of my
earliest childhood experiences.  Someone was usually naked and that was
usually my mother -- I don't know exactly the impact this had or has on
me, but today I realize that it was provocative and traumatic. My mother
was seductive and it took every ounce of energy to resist her. Thank
goodness the "etched" imprint of her bending over wearing nothing other
than a very sheer night gown is fading. I remember this cognitively but
no longer "see it." She messed me up and I don't think she knew it. I
was too stupid to say anything and then just naturally fell into
admiring, but being horribly shy of, women and their bodies. To this day
I struggle getting close to the one I love and when I feel like a
relationship failure, I find solace on the net. I want a real connection
and freedom from porn.

I confess
that I do not have the strength that it takes to do this alone -- I've
been alone all my life! I confess I run to porn and want it out of my
life.

A Story from "MW"

A
14-year-old pal egged me on into his room to let me see his pornography
collection. I had never seen a porn movie before, and to be honest, most
of what I had heard about porn at 13 I assumed was exaggeration.
However, on that day I saw things that burned holes through all the
gullibility a young boy just hitting puberty could have mustered. And so
it began.

It wasn’t
long before I saw porn as an insatiable desire to be explored, daily
casting myself into the images that were stored in my mind each time I
viewed it. I came to Christ when I was 20 and once I got rooted in a
Church, I never bought porn anymore. However, I never quit masturbating.
At Bible College I began lusting even more. During my first two years, I
daily looked for images, and daily saw my addiction growing. My thought
life was out of control. I thought I was spiritual, others did too, but
I was a big liar(1 John 1:6).

My
Christian life was a sham. All that Bible knowledge I had meant nothing;
all the sermons I preached were a waste; all of the rants I made against
sexual sin were a joke; there was no hope for me, and with much fear, I
wept, blamed, and shut the door to freedom.

Then I
found

SettingCaptivesFree.Com. Finding freedom, I have learned to live in
humility, to walk in the light, to radically amputate and abstain, to
have a plan, to be renewed in my mind each day and to trust God (knowing
and believing, that only His divine power and grace can set us free and
keep us free).

A Story from "CL"

I am 39 years old and have
never "been with a women," in person, but have in my mind many times. I
feel now that God is leading me away from the Internet, videos, and
phone sex. I know that he has a wonderful woman picked out for me with
which I can have a real, total and complete relationship.

When I was growing up, my
dad was gone a lot and my mom was very conservative so I learned about
sexual pleasure and women from magazines and found masturbation to be a
great release of stress, anxiety and sexual tension. Since I was a shy
middle-born child, I felt in control of something with this practice and
it felt good too. Later in my young adult life when my dad stated he was
gay, I turned more to porno videos, phone sex (both 900 and 800 numbers)
and the Internet when I could get access to a computer, since I don't
own one to "prove to myself that I wasn't gay. (I never really felt I
was, but had my doubts, since I didn't know whether it was hereditary or
not).

It wasn't until just
recently that I have started confiding in a well-respected Christian
pastor who lost his job because of adultery, that I realized that my
relationships with women now and in the future would be suffering, not
to mention feeling that my finances were already suffering. Feeling the
conviction to let God lead me toward change, I am now submitting this
story to you and ask for your prayers for my continued growth away from
this addiction. Thank you and God bless.

A Story from "KC"

I was
introduced to pornography in my elementary years. (I can still see those
images in my mind today.) From then on, I would hide magazines in my
room and trade them with other friends. I thought it was normal for all
boys to be sexually addicted. Twenty years ago, I gave my life to
Christ. He radically changed my life. I was free from sexual addictions
- and all other sins as well. I then entered the ministry, married, and
today have 3 wonderful children.

Just within
these last 2 to 3 years, I have fallen back into sexual addiction. With
the internet as it is today making it so easy, it has made it harder. It
has affected the way I minister to others and my relationship with my
wife. She is totally aware of my situation and I have asked for her
forgiveness. However, I still don't think she knows the "deep" struggle
I still have with this animal.

I'm tired.
I'm searching. I know God loves me, but I also know that God wants me
free. I believe in Christ's forgiveness, but I have been really praying
to have this sin be broken over me.

A Story from "CG"

Hi guys,

My name is Craig and l live in Canberra in Australia. There are a few
ministry's for sex addicts here but there are no email groups like this.
Living in the nation's capital is pretty cool in winter and warm in
summer. l guess a lot of you from America would be in winter now? l
really struggle with this time of year because it is so hot here and
people wear very little clothes so there is a lot of skin showing if you
know what l mean.

My
addiction takes many forms from all kinds of porn to one night stands to
sex in toilet blocks to the internet. l am currently 10 weeks sober. My
definition of sobriety is no sex with self or anyone else, and no porn.
l am really struggling at the moment as it is Christmas day here in
Australia and l am spending it alone. l have family interstate but it is
not a good thing to be with them at this point in time.

My email
address is

dags185@yahoo.com.au
(posted with permission) so please drop me a line.

A Story from "JH"

I recently
turned 41 and struggled with sexual addiction on my own through age 39.
I fantasized about women I knew, women I had seen in everyday life, and
women I had seen in various porn venues. A few years ago I started
living out some of those fantasies as they were presented to me online.
Three and a half years ago I cheated on my wife, my fiancée at the time,
and later told her about it just weeks before we were married. I really
struggled to change my life and straighten out my addiction through
"self-discipline".

I continued
this struggle on my own until December, 2002 when I was caught looking
at inappropriate pictures online. Understand, as a very experienced
computer professional I was skilled at hiding/deleting my tracks but God
intervened and one day the tracks did not delete. I have no other
explanation as to how this happened other than divine intervention. My
wife found the history on my computer and boy did the sparks fly. I had
heard of Jonathan's Be Broken site through Northeast Bible Church. I
think the biggest impact was learning that this addiction cannot be
fought through "self-discipline" because it is a spiritual battle waged
in my flesh and my mind.

Thank you for helping me to see that I am not big enough to battle this
on my own but through constant prayer God can remove thoughts before
they can be acted upon and become sin. He is big enough for all of us!!!

A Story from "G"

Just thought you might be interested.

A Story from "JB"

I'm 21 but
I have been addicted to porn for about 4 years and I can't seem stop.
Every time I'm on the internet I get the urge to lookup porn sites. It's
been a constant and shameful struggle that no one knows but me. I would
LOVE stop but I lack the willpower and control it takes to stop. I've
prayed about it, but I just can't shake it.

I feel like
I'm getting further and further from God every time I look at porn. I
know that my spirit is weak and flesh has full control over me. The
guilt is so strong that I don't want to go to church sometimes because
even though no one else knows, I know that God saw everything I did.

I believe
my addiction with porn has caused me to miss out on blessing, true
happiness, and worst of all a great relationship with Jesus. I am TOO
embarrassed to ask for help or even for prayer. But I feel overjoyed and
relieved now that I can lay down this 3-ton addiction and get some help.

A Story from "K"

I am 43 yrs
old, single, still a virgin, very obese, shy and low self-esteem - and a
pornography addict. I like to scour the internet for photos which I then
burn to a CD and backup drive. I would like to place a filter on the
internet but my office (where the computer is) needs to be free in order
to get mailings (when I filtered before it would block out necessary
mailings from clients). I view movies through satellite TV, DVDs, and
visit strip clubs out of town where no one I know could see me.

I have
never had a relationship with a woman in all these years, and I am not
sure I ever will. I came here hoping there is something that will be
here for a single man, not just for married men as on other sites. I
also hope I can learn how to get rid of this stuff, be happy with
myself, and not turn back to it when I get rejected when I ask for a
date (that always seems to be the trigger on previous times). I would
appreciate your prayers.

A Story from "JM"

Well, I
hate it, but I can't stop it. I know that I am a serious, smart person,
but when I get online or something, it's like I completely change into
someone else, not John.

It starts
from just looking at normal pictures, to complete attempts of looking up
pornography - thank God that my father set my AOL controls to Mature
Teen, and not General Adult.

Still,
though, I hate myself everyday for thinking of it, acting on it, and
trying to find it. I pray, but nothing seems to happen. I just need
help.

A Story from "K"

I am a porn addict. My home life as a
child was difficult. I discovered porn when I was about 12. The first
time I looked at a porn photo I remember my heart was thumping, I was so
excited, I guess. I've been into porn, quite heavily, ever since.

In the end I came to believe that there was no point my destroying my
porn, because I could not live without it, so was just wasting money by
destroying it. 

Of course, this stuff used to fill my head with ideas I
wanted to act out, and fantasies involving other women I knew. I did
also have a brief affair with another woman, which nearly destroyed my
marriage, but we managed to work through it and rebuild our
relationship.

It is still a problem, though. Firstly, I think I use porn to avoid the
problems of a real sexual relationship with a real person. Thus, I am
not very sexually active with my wife (or anyone else). I wait till she
is asleep, then I get on the internet, look at porn, and masturbate to
get sexual release. I think my wife knows about this, she has caught me
with porn, but she can do nothing about it. I know it hurts her, though.
I don't want to hurt her, I just can't stop using the porn. In all other
respects I am quite a good partner to her, we have a good relationship,
we love and respect each other and are good to each other.

The other problem is that as one sees
millions of images, movies, and stories, you become jaded. The porn just
doesn't give you the same thrill any more. Then as you surf the 'net,
you find something weirder than you've seen before - homosexual sex,
child porn, violent sex, or whatever. I stumbled onto some images of a
type I had never seen before, and it was just like when I first
encountered porn - my heart was pounding, and I felt the same
excitement. I don't want to do the things I am seeing in the porn, I
just get that excitement from viewing it.

What's the point of destroying my collection when porn is always within
easy reach anyway? Just start the computer, log on, and there you go,
all the free porn you want.

A Story from "P"

After my wife found out about my addiction to porn I knew
it was time to change. I had to bring it to the altar and give it to
GOD. The addiction was too big for me to handle. GOD has taken all urges
of porn away from me, it's been about 2 1/2 months. I have 2 people I
keep in contact with.

I know I have a lot of work ahead of me to
change to what God wants me to be. I keep in the Word every day and God
is showing me how to be like him. There is a lot more to what I have
written here and will be adding more soon.