"...the time has come, for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't
Listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried, to say what's on mind
You should have known
Oh, now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own..."
....sing it Beyonce....
profound sadness ©
rowancv 03/15/09- 10:35PM
he'd been sitting there for hours.
should've been no reason why he couldn't get work done,
but he couldn't focus.
so in the quiet he tried to get away,
and that's how he ended up here.
not the escape he was looking for,
but the place he always ended up in-
profound sadness.
he looks small surrounded by infinite space.
despite countless stars he feels terribly alone.
from a distance he watches a beautiful little girl-
a girl he knows all too well,
and loves deeper than man can understand.
she's crying:
on her knees, one hand on the floor and one hand to her stomach.
he knows it hurts.
she turns her head to look at him,
and the sadness in her eyes....
stops time. stops his heart.
he can sense her fear thick in the atmosphere.
she then reaches out her hand towards him,
and he desperately tries to grab it.
but there is a dark and cold force
pulling her away from him.
her hand is too far, but he doesn't give up.
he extends further-
joints dislocating, flesh tearing, fingers shaking.
but his best isn't enough,
and she takes her hand back,
and settles into the blackness
until he can hardly separate the two.
and all he can see is her angry, disappointed eyes,
and he is once again left broken.
this isn't the first time,
never knowing if it'll be the last-
a struggle that has gone on for many years,
and scarred many souls.
it's dark now, and he's back without having escaped,
trying to stay away from that corner of his mind.
but though he'd never admit it
he's afraid of so much.
and with each passing day,
the distance between their fingers
gets further.... and further away.
CHURCH HOPPING in Miami....
Calvary Chapel Miami Beach (9:30 am/11:30 am) 01/18/09, 01/25/09
1663 Washington Ave.
Miami Beach, FL 33139
I attended this church during my first two weeks in Miami Beach, mainly because it was the only one I saw around where I live, and also because I was curious to see what a church in the middle of Miami Beach was like. What I liked about this church was that the body was diverse and semi-representative of the Miami Beach community- from the poor on the streets, to the local Hispanic brother, to the college student, to the young professional. I'd also say that the church was pretty welcoming- the ushers greeted me every week and the people I sat around were very nice. The worship team was great, and I was really able to meet with God during the music. The pastor also seemed like the perfect fit for this community. Some people might call him a liberal, but in all honesty, I agreed with 95% of the things he said. His sermons were pretty much a verse-by-verse teaching, and the content was very practical and authentically rebukeful (is that even a word?). I enjoyed the content because it was refreshing- containing things that every Christian ought to hear and realize about Christian living.
Palm Vista Community Church (10 am) 02/01/09
6425 Miami Lakeway N
Miami Lakes, FL 33014
My friends Jenn and Leslie invited me here. The service was held in a Middle School auditorium, but once everything started, it was pretty much church. It was a diverse body racially (I met a Filipino nurse, Korean college students, an African American lawyer, a Puerto Rican bongo player, a Caucasian associate pastor, and... I would add that most of the congregation was Hispanic though, if I remember correctly, including the head pastor). I loved the way everyone got down during worship- it was beautiful to see all the people praising God without reserve, almost everyone with hands lifted high. The praise team did an awesome job. I also enjoyed the teaching, as the associate pastor who preached gave a lot of very good verses, and we were also provided with an outline. What I will probably take away the most was how welcoming and nice the members were. Maybe because I basically met a lot of people that Leslie already knew, but I thoroughly enjoyed meeting and talking to the members that I was able to fellowship with.
University Baptist Church (UBC) Miami (9:30 am/11 am/6 pm) 02/08/09
624 Anastasia Avenue
Coral Gables, FL 33134
Visited the 6 pm service here with Sarah since I had BTLS that Sunday during the day. Huge church "campus" that comes complete with a playground, classrooms, offices, etc. Didn't really get to meet anybody, but I'd say that there were a lot of young people in the church, and that it was kinda diverse (but don't really remember to be honest). Praise and worship was pretty darn cool- I literally felt like I was at a concert, complete with crazy lighting effects, huge, huge stage, and great music. The head pastor was not there that night, and an associate pastor preached. I thought he had a great point with great analogies, but felt that he prolonged the "storytelling" aspect of it a bit (like 80%) before finally getting into a few verses. He also made me feel like everyone owns a boat, and maybe they do around there, but it definitely isn't the norm where I'm from (okay, I realize that this probably seems so random). I was taking a look at a newsletter type thing they had, and apparently there are many ministries and a lot more to this church than I was able to see. Would definitely not mind going back.
Christian Life Mission (10 am) 02/22/09
14105 SW 184 St.
Miami, FL 33177
My experience at CLM was just amazing. I was invited by Ignacio, who works as security with Ross University. Despite being deathly sick that weekend, God somehow gave me the strength to at least make it to to and through this service (the rest of the time I was throwing up and being febrile), and I'm sure glad he did. CLM is a Hispanic church, in every sense, and I was excited to check it out because my boy Luis from back home (Rutgers/R.E.S.E.T.) would always tell me about his Hispanic church in Jersey City and I thought maybe this would be like it. So I get there, and the ushers are welcoming, though the members themselves were pretty to themselves. Ignacio plays bass for the worship team, and from the very moment that praise and worship started, I was blown away, by the weight of God's Holy Spirit in that place- how heavy it was. The worship leaders constantly reminded us that it wasn't about us, but about Him, and you could just feel the power in that place. See, despite 97% of the music being in Spanish, I was still able to truly worship, and I don't think I can really explain what it was like except to say that I just wish you could have been there. They put a sick Spanish beat to some of the songs in the beginning, and there was this one guy and woman in the front dancing like no one was watching- I just love seeing that. And then when they slowed it down... it was like whOa. Like WOW. I felt it but I was just dying wishing I knew how to speak or at least understand Spanish!! After worship, everything (from the announcements to the sermon) was translated from Spanish to English (or vice versa). The message was pretty basic, but was a profound reminder of who we are in, and because of, Christ. The service as a whole was extremely long (a little less than 3 hours), and towards the middle/end of it I was just freezing to death (should have known to bring a sweater since I was also sick). I thoroughly enjoyed CLM though and would love to go back and visit.
New Birth Baptist Church (7 am/11 am) 03/08/09
2300 NW 135th St.
Miami, FL 33167
Got invited to this church by my friend Sandy, who works as a medical assistant at my last rotation (family medicine). This was a really big church, and apart from me and a little white girl I saw sitting near the front, everyone else was black. No one really greeted me or spoke to me, but it's all good, I had me a good time anyways. Worship was cool- though, like pretty much every church I have visited up to this point, I didn't know any of the songs. The theme for that service was green army fatigues, and Sandy later told me that the second Sunday of each month focuses more on the youth/kids. It was so great seeing so many little children and teenagers. There was a special number where three of the teens rapped, and that was really cool to see them doing it up like that for God. And because it was a youth Sunday, coupled with it being their bishop's birthday, they invited a gospel artist to perform, and I gotta say that the brother brought the house down! I really enjoyed his music, beats, and "remixes"- I was literally waiting for someone to start poppin' and locking (I was doing just that in my head the whole time- for Jesus of course!). And just to give you an idea of how crazy it got, the church at one point was doing the electric slide in unison up in the front and in the aisles too (yes, including me, hahha)! Not that they were getting carried away, but they were really going overboard with time, so Sandy and I left before the bishop even got a chance to preach. Nonetheless, it was a cool experience, and I'll be checking out one of the bishop's sermons online when I can.
Churches/Congregations I still plan on visiting:
Fellowship Church Miami (11 am/7 pm)
6767 Sunset Drive (72nd)
South Miami, FL 33143
Pastor Ed Young's church- hope I get to see him preach live one of these Sundays.
And at least one of these Messianic Congregations (Friday evening or Saturday morning service):
Please feel free to join me! I'd love company.
God bless.
-Ro
UPDATES:
Temple Bet Hesed (House of Grace) (Fri: 8 pm/Sat: 11 am) 03/13/09
13397 SW 131st St.
Miami, FL 33186
I had planned on attending the Saturday morning service, but with all the work I have to do this upcoming weekend, I decided last minute to check out the Friday night service. I am truly glad that the Lord led me to this congregation. The inside was well-decorated Messianic style with awesome colors, and the first person I met was Piero. It was such a blessing just talking to this brother, and in the little time we had, he shared a bit of his testimony which was a huge encouragement. Not a very big congregation numberwise, but Piero described it as family, and to be honest, man, I felt right at home. I met a lot of really great people and totally felt the love of God through them. Service began with everyone coming up to the front for the Lord's supper, and then we had praise and worship. They sang some of the same songs we sing back home at Sha'ar Adonai and I loved it. The worship team was awesome, and it was so cool watching a few people dancing (Jewish dancing) throughout the worship- definitely made me smile. Kept really wishing that Alana was with me, as I know she would have definitely enjoyed it. The Jewish prayers were, for the most part, the same prayers we pray too, but a few of them are sung/said slightly differently. There was a Torah portion and another message, and both really helped me "R.E.S.E.T." in my mind. Refocus. It got kind of late, but I stayed after just for a bit, and it was nice fellowshipping with the members before I had to split. I'm definitely gonna be going back, and it will probably be at one of the 11 am Saturday services (which will have an oneg/meal afterwards). Tonight was just what my soul needed. Baruch HaShem, praise His Name!
Fellowship Church Miami (11 am/7 pm) 03/22/09
6767 Sunset Drive (72nd)
South Miami, FL 33143
The funny thing is that earlier that day, while practicing the PE at Omar's apartment, we had Pastor Ed young preaching on his television! LOL. I'll be honest, while I have heard of Pastor Ed Young, knowing that he is often aired on radio and television, I don't really know much about him. In any case, I got there an hour and a half early, because I didn't want to drive home then drive back there. Got a chance to walk around- a really beautiful area/building. They had couches outside in the front, and I was just chillin' there, then later on checked out their bookstore. Church was about to start, and when Leslie and Jenn got there we went in to take our seats, only to see Sophia come in as well! Worship was definitely pretty cool- again, like a few of the other churches I had already been to, it was very concert-like, and again, I didn't know any of the songs (though they were nice, and one song was even composed by one of the singers). My own way of describing the inside was that I felt it was cave-like, with a really cool and colorful stage, with a huge screen backdrop. The crowd in the evening was definitely more of young people I am told. Anyways, Paster Ed young's brother from Texas was the guest speaker, and he spoke about Job, using some crazy pot throwing/breaking action to make his points. It was a nice service and I enjoyed it. Here's the coolest part though: while walking to the parking lot, I run into MATT PAPPY, which was funny because we had run into each other so many times at the U of M law library, but were both hesitant to mistake each other for someone else (hahha!!). And when I saw him playing keyboard with the P&W band, I was like, that really does look like him, but it can't be! So yeah, it was just great catching up with my old friend- truly an encouragement to see his perseverance, and to see the things God has been and is doing in his life. He was with his friend Jason from MERP. We got to exchange contact info., and I truly felt that "divine appointment" feeling on that one. So that was my Fellowship experience!
06-03-09 Update: Went to Fellowship Church one more time after that. Saw Pastor Ed Young on the huge screen live (he wasn't there in person) & had some great fellowship. Went to Bet Hesed one more time as well. Unfortunately I couldn't make it to a Saturday service because of UMBR, so I settled for another Friday night service, which of course, was awesome. Met Piero's mom there, and got to see a few people before I left Florida.
"Let the Peace of God Reign" by Darlene Zschech.. this song has been on repeat in my car for days....
Oh, Holy Spirit, You're my comfort..
Strengthen me, hold my head, up high..
And I stand upon Your truth,
Bringing glory unto You,
And let the peace, of God,
Let it reign...
Oh Lord I hunger, for more of You..
Rise up within me, let me know, Your truth..
Oh Holy Spirit, saturate my soul,
And let the life, of God, fill me now,
Let Your healing power,
Breathe life and make me whole,
And let the peace, of God
Let it reign
(stream: http://www.imeem.com/ten1/music/m-lB4dWW/darlene_zschech_let_the_peace_of_god_reign/)
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
I was walking up the steps from Lizard Trail into campus and all I could literally say out loud was, "Wow God" with a laugh 
. Just gotta thank the Lord for the time I was able to spend with Terry this afternoon. We met up outside the Student Activities Center on the 3rd floor and just had some amazing, refreshing, and much needed fellowship. We talked about a lot of things, starting with the fact that Terry's gonna be an R.C.F. leader beginning next semester, and I wholeheartedly believe that he's been more than equipped to be a blessing to the ministry in many ways. One of the things that touch me the most out of Terry's life, is how in tune he is with the Spirit of God, and actually, not just him, but his entire family (two of his daughters are here on the island as well, and Greta, his wife, is in her 1st semester). And it touches me deeply because a lot of the things we talked about are difficult topics to understand, but the fact that I grew to truly trust him as a brother, trust the authenticity of the fire that I see in him first, helped a lot. And it only adds to the excitement and wonder of the life I have been living in Christ. We would only be fooling ourselves if we ever thought we knew just how much growth we had left to endure- did you get that? See, one of the things I've been learning is that you can't get close enough to God to ever be satisfied. God has drawn me ever so close to Him in so many different ways, and I always say, "Man, God and I have been through some stuff." But just when you and I feel the tightest we've ever been with the Lord, BAM (!!), another door opens up that shows us and tells us that there are deeper and richer and more beautiful ways to commune with God; there are angles, aspects, dimensions, and wonders in the Spirit that we never knew before; there are sides and qualities of the Living God that we have barely scratched the surface of!! I like how Terry put it today: "Satisfied, yet unsatisfied."
As I'm starting to truly come to grips with the fact that I'm really/finally almost done living here in Dominica (I am also embracing that fact ), I've been looking back a bit at what God's taken me through and where He has taken me. And for once I don't wanna talk about the hard times, I don't wanna talk about the struggles. There are times and places for that, but right now I just wanna praise Him for the way He has poured out His blessings on me so graciously, so compassionately. Above all things, the blessings of getting to know Him and falling deeper in love with Him; the blessings of getting to know people and falling deeper in love with people. I can't express enough how much joy it gives me, and how humbling it is, to be able to have others share their lives with me, and to have the opportunity to share mine with others. If you know me, then you know that I will tell you that "this is the kinda stuff I live for."
I've seriously been thinking and meditating on these words since yesterday, from Michael W. Smith's song "This is Your Time," and I honestly feel like they express exactly what I wanna say: "This is your time, this is your dance, live every moment leave nothing to chance. Swim in sea, drink of the deep, embrace the mystery of all you can be." Verses we talked about today:
O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. -Psalm 34:8
1 Corinthians 2:4-10:
4And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:
5That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
6Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought:
7But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory:
8Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.
9But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
10But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.
During my time with Terry, we also had a powerful time of prayer. To be honest, man, I haven't prayed with anyone like that in quite a while, and it was such a blessing. We lifted His Name up high, lifted up one another, and definitely lifted up others. One of the amazing things I need to mention right now is that somewhere amidst our prayers, God layed it on Terry's heart to pray for my family and my health in a powerful way. It's been a while too since I really just cried and let the tears flow while praying with another person. Lord, let Your Spirit fall upon all our lives like wildfire, and so let it be, amen.
Afterwards I shared a few things with Terry, including exactly why the Lord led him to pray specifically for my family. Again, if you know me, then you know that my family has been dealing with issues that are too deep and complex for me to even begin getting into right now. But I asked Terry to just pray for my neverending struggle to find the balance of making those that I love happy. I like to think that I've learned to become the kind of person who can say, "Whatever you want from me Lord.... You want me to get sick? I'll endure it. You want me to repeat my semester? I'll do it." But when I see the people I love suffering- when my girlfriend calls me in the middle of the night crying, when my brother tells me that my mom literally stops breathing when she sees my name or sees a picture of me because she's so depressed, that's when I begin to get frustrated, that's when I start to question and ask God why? when Lord? People tell me all the time, "You can't please everyone." But you know what, I want to, and regardless of what you say to me, they are my heart and I will always try to do everything within my power to make them happy. Yet, yet, yet, at the same time, Terry shared this verse with me:
For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. -Galatians 1:10
It was a profound reminder that what it comes down to, is seeking the pleasure of the Father- following His leading and doing what He tells me to do, regardless of who becomes pleased or displeased. I've always tried to do exactly this, but sometimes the heightened emotions around me distract me from my Focus. Furthermore.... Terry gave me the example of Saul and Ananias- Acts chapter 9 (and this totally blew my mind). Saul (later named Paul) was blinded by God, and God calls on Ananias to go out into a certain street and house to find Saul. Ananias is to touch Saul that he might receive his sight again. Ananias' first reaction was basically this: "I know about this guy and I know how much evil he's done to the bretheren. I also know that this guy has the power to bind up Christians. I don't know Lord, this is kinda craazzyy.." His fear is understandable, but Saul's sight depended on Ananias' faith. Saul's sight depended on Ananias' walking to that place, despite his relevant fears. Terry's point was that sometimes, we just gotta walk through it: my parents receiving sight (specifically pertaining to a certain situation) hinges on my walking the path that God commands me to walk on, despite my relevant fears. And this blew me away because yeah, I pray for the Lord to change my parents' hearts every night, but it was always for my sake and for her sake- for our happiness. But God showed me that the blessing that they are going to receive outright depends on my obedience in the here and now. I pray for my parents' happiness, peace, and joy every night as well, but the balance I struggle with should be focused on my obedience to God. I very well may make the people I love unhappy with me, and they may not understand it right then and there, but if I do what He calls me to do, then I can trust that everything will fall into place. And not only will I learn along the way, but so will my loved ones, and they will learn what God intends for them to learn as I "walk through it" in obedience to Him.
Jesus, God's righteousness revealed,
The Son of Man, the Son of God,
His Kingdom come.
Jesus, redemption's sacrifice,
Now glorified, now testified
His Kingdom come.
And this Kingdom will know no end,
And it's glory shall know no bounds.
For the majesty and power
Of this Kingdom's King has come.
And this Kingdom's reign,
And this Kingdom's rule,
And this Kingdom's power and authority
Jesus, God's righteousness revealed.
Jesus, the expression of God's love,
The Grace of God, the Word of God, revealed to us.
Jesus, God's holiness displayed,
Now glorified, now justified, His Kingdom come.
And this Kingdom will know no end,
And it's glory shall know no bounds.
For the majesty and power
Of this Kingdom's King has come.
And this Kingdom's reign,
And this Kingdom's rule,
And this Kingdom's power and authority
Jesus, God's righteousness revealed.
..
(my reward flyer)
Studying at Home
Studying at Ross' Version of the SAC
Man, I really love studying up in the new Student Activity Center. I feel like I'm at a university back in Jersey (like NJCU)- place has got nice, new wooden tables, chairs, comfy couches, and a big flatscreen television on one corner. Very spacious (so long as not too many people decide to make this their favorite study spot- I hope not!). I love being able to switch from studying on a table to studying on the couch, with my feet up on a chair. I love that it's so close to my apartment (same building as the gym), and since it's on the 3rd floor, all you have to do is go outside to overlook the sea, feel the breeze, and check out the beautiful mountains. I love that there are people playing games at the very same time there are other people studying alone or in groups- it makes me feel good to feel "in-between," LOL. And I just put on my cool new headphones and listen to lyric-less music while I study. It's awesome. Then a little later at night, when people are playing ping pong, pool, sharing a cup of coffee cross-legged on the couches, I start to feel like I'm at camp or something. That is, until I turn back to my notes again. The only problem is, the caffiene I drink makes me go to the bathroom a lot, and people probably start to wonder why I'm in and out so much (right, as if anybody notices hahha). So I thank God for a good day of studying, because those are hard to come by for me.
I broke down crying at the thought of it....
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." -Revelation 21:4
!!
.
. And she just kept making up songs, lyrics and tunes, the whole day for me. It was a profound ray of encouragement during a very dark time in my life. Mika is so special to me, and I believe God has wonderful and great things in store for her . Keep it up little sis, I know you make your momma proud 
!!
....a Passion for Your Name. The Praise & Worship at REM's event last Friday was one of the most.. how do I describe it.. one of the most powerful worship experiences I've witnessed here on the island- man did I feel it. The performances were also an awesome blessing. A week earlier, we visited Pastor Ed's church at Woodford Hill (my first time visiting their church there), and that was also a cool experience. I might visit the youth group there one of these Fridays, but we shall see about that.
I thank God for Who He is in the lives of my friends, and for how He is working and living in them- from those who keep me fired up to those who keep me grounded as we share our struggles with one another. "Spirit of God, fall in this place. Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way, with us."
i'll be home soon.
My family also celebrated my birthday, even though we are far apart (I am overseas). I love how they do that, and it just goes to show how special the day really is to my parents. It was nice to know that they were thinking of me and enjoying their time together. The even had a nice cake . Here are a few pictures:
Paul writes, "Every detail works to your advantage and to God's
glory: more and more grace...more and more praise! So we're not giving
up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things
are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life,
not a day goes by without his unfolding grace" (2Co 4:15-18 TM). And Job adds "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold" (Job 23:10 NIV). It takes a lot more heat to produce gold than it does tin. So which do you want to be?
A Note of THANKS ....
First of all, I'd really like to thank everyone who has been faithfully praying for me and my situation(s). There are no words to express my appreciation. Really.... and I've been doing my best to faithfully keep up in my own prayers for others.
Next, thank you so much to Justin and Liz for holding my two 300 lb. barrels in their house while I was back in the States. You guys are awesome and were really a huge help to me.
Now a HUGE thank you to Eze and Chika for taking a homeless boy in (lol). Thanks for giving me a bed to sleep on and most importantly, great fellowship. It did take me a few days to find an apartment, but I ultimately decided on the very first place I looked at thanks to a heads up by Eze. Thanks for everything and I love you guys .
Thanks to everyone who took the time to greet me "happy birthday." Man, I am so blessed that God has placed a ton of wonderful people in my life. All the words and sentiments mean the world to me.
I'd finally like to thank Michelle (who set up the dinner) and everyone who was able to come out to Tomatos to have dinner with me. I really had fun, and I love how you guys always put a smile to my face. I really really appreciate you guys! Here are the pics from my camera:
.:: ed is the devil on michelle's left shoulder and i am the angel on the right
(sorry i didn't do the angel face daphne! i should've!) ::.
.:: my sentimental picture of tomatos at night
and then us at the shacks in our futile seach for ice cream ::.
And then I got this beautiful passage from my good friend Dave:
from Isaiah 55
Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; and
you who have no money come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost...seek the Lord while He may be found;
call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and
unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He
will have compassion on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly
pardon. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your
thoughts."...For you will go out with joy, and be led forth with peace;
the mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before
you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Please hang in there- we will make it through together.
I believe in the promise of the joy set before us, we just need to endure the cross.
Our hope is in the Great I AM. The third cord is Christ Jesus (Ecclesiastes 4:12b).
He honors a pure heart, that seeks hard after Him. I believe that.
Our patience will be more than worth it.
Mahal na mahal kita.
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