I just wanted to share this poem, written by my friend/classmate JoBeth Beery. It's deep and beautifully written. I hope it encourages and touches you just as much as it did me:
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I fell against the floor again In brokenness, tried to pretend That even though You bought my sin The world could be my home I asked to be Your waterfall Though I’m weak I could but fall Lower, meek and humbly spent Doling life in my descent I closed my eyes, opened my heart Even so I see in part Obedience is where I start I’ll start from where I am I asked to be Your waterfall Quiet ebbing least of all Next to oceans, pale and small I could not hold the sunset glow But I can fall no place too low I clashed against the mud and moss My only chance I failed, I lost I saw my fear, my shame, the cost Disturb my single purposed flow Harangue the way that I must go But I longed to be Your waterfall My only hope is in Your call Giving up nothing at all Thus gaining everything, You must smile as you teach me Though the fall brings life abundantly And though I carry charity Waterfalls cut stone |
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ICM FUNNIES 
heh heh heh....
SLIP UPS during Physical Exam practice:
IntroduCion
michelle: so what are you gonna do first?
ro: you do the INTRODUCION..
michelle: introduction! you’re such a FOB!!
everyone!: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!
Bartholomew’s Gland
(pelvic exam)
michelle: I feel uncomfortable for ro.
ro: upon inspection of the labia minora, urethral meatus,
clitoris, and the interoitus, no scars, masses, or lesions are noted. upon
palpation of BARTHOLOMEW’S GLAND..
michelle: bartholin’s gland!!
steph: you know you’re nervous when you start naming body
parts after Biblical people!
everyone!: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!
Lubricated Love
Finger
michelle: hi my name is michelle, 2nd year
medical student. what’s your name?
ro: **name of one of michelle's guy friends here hahha**, but you can call me ****
michelle: okay ****, today I’ll be performing a rectal exam
on you. have you ever had one?
ro: no.
michelle: I’ll be placing my lubricated LOVE finger (as opposed to GLOVED finger)….
steph: the truth comes out!!
everyone!: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!
Inserting 2 Fingers
sheila: I’ve been asked to perfom a rectal exam on you
today. have you ever had one before?
ro: no.
sheila: okay, well I’ll be inserting TWO gloved and
lubricated fingers.. (2 fingers is for pelvic exam, 1 finger is for rectal exam)
steph: two fingers?!
ro: one finger, this is anal exam.
steph: now that’s the
LOVE finger!
everyone!: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!
Circumcised
Nodules
sheila: upon palpation of the prostate, a mass is felt on
the right lobe, about 2 cm in diameter, solid, with well CIRCUMCISED borders (as opposed to CIRCUMSCRIBED borders).
ro: did you hear what she said? she said circumcised borders!!
ro (yes, just me LOL): HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!
whoa man, i needed those laughs on the real. because on a serious note, you guys help keep me going here. not to mention that i'm crazy scared about this oral exam next week....
Tony Parker Game-Used Patches
(sweet Spur patch on the "T")
notice what it says on the left side?
my first 1 of 1 card in my collection
only one in the world baby..
The daily grind.. being stretched beyond belief.
About 3 and a half life-changing weeks left.. again.
Counting them is still the only thing that gets me through my days..
Wish I still had time to dance.. but I'm always dancing in my head.
Thank you God for my health. I know that lately my asthma has been acting up really bad, with some attacks and lots of moments where I have a hard time breathing, but my general health is
truly a blessing from You that I should not, but often do, take for
granted. Thank You for daily allowing me to live healthy.
So I was told that my last post was MADD EMO and shocking. What can I say....
Today, the 4th of July, we have the R.C.F. Cookout. As with every previous semester, I've been appointed as "greeter"- you know, say hi to everyone on line, make small talk, and tell 'em about R.C.F. Truth is though, today I am not feel very cheery at all. Yes, I will do it for a while, but I hope other people will help. I did make flyers though (over 400) to pass out with all the information written.
I feel like the walking dead. I find myself just walking- going anywhere, with no purpose or feeling. I feel like water in a river that has no say in where it travels. Earlier today I was asking God, "What's it all for?" I must have asked a dozen times in a row. Everything I do today. Everything I've been through, everything I have given. What's it all for? Is there more to this stuff than what I already know? I told Him I am frustrated. Am I being too EMO again? Please God don't let me get back into that "floating" mode I was in last semester. That's madd dangerous. Am I there already?
I was telling Melissa this, and I was telling Alana this- I have given up every care about what happens to me. You think it really matters to me if I become a doctor? I could care less if I was in the medical field, business field, or McDonald's field. I just wanna be where God wants me to be- I don't care at all how cliche that sounds because that is the darn truth! The only thing I really do for myself is buy cards from time to time, and that's it. Cards are like my only escape. I've given my life, my time, my money, my sanity for the people that I love and it's still not good enough, for anybody. You think I don't want more either? Of course I want more! But it feels like my hands are TIED and I'm the ONLY one who's willing to accept complete and utter destruction in life for the sake of my God (Ooooh go me right? PLEASE). But how can I accept that when my life is linked to so many beautiful people that I completely, utterly, and truly love.
I'm such a hypocrite. And still I can't find the words. Still I find myself speechless. Counting my many blessings does a good job of getting me through the day.
It was great watching the Boogie Bots last night on America's Best Dance Crew. Their routine was incredible and their transformers ending under black light was UNBELIEVABLE. I was going crazy in my room yelling and stuff, just goin' bonkers. Bryan, if you're reading this: man you are hilarious to watch ("Should I stand on this side?" LOL). My friends down here at Ross are also voting for the Boogie Bots to support you so keep making us proud.... Shane Sparks gets on my nerves. He says last week, "Well, that is dancing, to US, in the breakdance world," right, then he calls Ben's airflares "superflares" or some crap like that. I always thought he was very cocky. I've been noticed it on the show for a while now.
The other day I flipped on the television and this movie begins playing which I later find out is "Snakes on a Plane." On any other day I would have thought, along with the rest of the world, that this movie is complete garbage, but it caught me on a day where pretty much anything was going to entertain me, and so yeah, I was pretty entertained. Sad.
Then last night, I caught "The Ten" on Showtime. I wasn't gonna watch a movie, but I noticed that it centered around the 10 commandments, so I looked up what movie I was watching and kept it on. Here's what I thought about it: The movie doesn't communicate anything substantial about the 10
commandments per say. The title was simply an excuse for insane and
RAUNCHY humor. Got some laughs purely 'coz of how STUPID, unreal, and
exaggerated the stories were (on the other hand there were parts where they tried too hard that didn't strike me as funny at all)- definitely not for the faint of heart. As far as whether the movie was meant to give a moral or mock, i
think only the creators of the movie can really say. At some parts i
was like, "I see.." while at other parts i was like, "wait, what.." Bottom line: the fact that it takes work to find purpose in this
movie, makes me wanna say that it's a waste of time, unless this is
your type of humor, but even at that, they really stretched the bounds
of appropriate and inappropriate.
just wanna be reel(ed) ©
rowancv 06/23/08- 4:25PM
there's a billion and one things i need to do this week
but i have no energy to do anything
you don't understand, i am willing
but i've got no more will and it's made me weak
you don't understand, i don't even wanna be here
but i can't get up, right
i just wanna go home, back to a different life
but when i desperately seek answers it's silence i hear
yes i'm sad, and nothing makes sense
but time sure don't wait for nobody
all i can do is sit here, b
'coz my sacrifice seems more that just pennies and cents
try $130,000.00
but my life's worth more than that right?
i think it's over. write.
As I was walking home last night, the only thing I could think of was, "And for what?"
"For nothing Ro. I'm sorry to say, but you wasted your time. If you had put in 3 hrs. of studying instead of 10 per day, it wouldn't have made a difference on your grade and you know it. The numbers don't lie- you wasted your time."
But you know what was great? What's great was how fast I was able to laugh at that voice. As if he was gonna get me again with that one. As if my experiences have been for nothing. As if I haven't learned anything these past couple weeks, months, and even years.
I thought back on the Eric Liddell quote from "Chariots of Fire." I thought back on Kyle's message last Sunday.
Then when I got home, Alana and I talked quite a bit about marriage. So many people getting married all around us. The sacrifices we have made and the amount of time we have waited and will need to wait. It's not fair right? Wrong.
See most of us, we're all waiting for something. And that something may or may not come. But I learned a long time ago that with God, there is reason in everything. Wherever we are, God has us there for a reason. Regardless of the end result (ie. regardless of whether I graduate or get married, regardless of how long it takes), nothing, and I say again NOTHING (ie. no time) has been or is wasted IF we wake up every morning and commit each day to God. If we live each day in the center of His will and do the job(s) He has called us to do for that day.
The ONLY days that are wasted, the only hours or years that are wasted, are the ones which we do not commit to the Lord- the ones where we are not doing what we are called to do in His Name.
You know what makes it okay? It was pleasing in God's eyes to see me study those long hour days. It pleased Him. It pleases God to see us valuing marriage and waiting for the right time. And if it weren't for ANYTHING ELSE BUT TO PLEASE HIM, it was worth it and it was NOT a waste of my time.
I just deleted like 3 paragraphs that I had written, because I need to keep this simple.
Last night. Last night I watched the Celtics celebrate their championship win over the Lakers. I remembered how it felt when the Spurs would win. I was happy for the fans. Then I just saw how emotional and truly happy Garnett was. He had finally made it. So full of joy that you cannot contain it and you have no clue what to do with yourself. I was Pierce talk about how long he had waited and what they had to endure during those darker years.
And I thought, "God, when do I get to feel that?"
I confess that I have many weaknesses. I have a short temper. I easily get jealous and envious of what others have and the success others experience. I grow bitter quickly, maybe even angry sometimes. I have to control these emotions when they come out and keep them at bay 'coz you know I know better than that.
"But God, when do I get to feel that?"
Got in touch with an old friend who I was classmates with and found out that he just graduated from Ross. He said he had a blast and I was so happy for him. I picture myself in Lincoln center graduating all the time. "OH GOD, WHEN DO I GET TO FEEL THAT?"
Honestly, if you feel me on this, I really have no answer to that question. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with feeling this way, so long as there is no jealousy, envy, and bitterness. But it's tough, isn't it? When does it all pay off. When is something finally gonna give.
I think everything I've pretty much talked about has one common denominator: it's about finding enough humility and wisdom within ourselves to be able to trust God. Be able to R.E.S.E.T. our perspectives daily, count our blessings, and never forget to give thanks, because we have so much to be grateful for.
He knows what He's doing in our lives. I still can't find a better person to place my trust in.
Then this last card brightened up a pretty rough week for me. I think it's very elegant-looking, the patches are SICK, and it's #d to only 10. I also like how UD Ultimate Collection made a set based on COMMITMENT, and David Robinson was truly an example of commitment:
Wherever you are, I ask God to bless you tremendously. Keep fighting the good fight and stay close to Him.
3 COOL things while I wait for my ghetto Chinese food:
1. Sunny invited me over for lunch after the morning RCF service, and the guy COOKED ME LUNCH!! Korean style baby. He's a GREAT cook man, reminded me of Ray my brother watching him in action. We had great food and more importantly, great FELLOWSHIP. Things like that man, it's things like THAT that I find completely and utterly COOL. I hate to make a big deal about it, but I'm so appreciative.
2. Fermina came by where I was studying today and said she totally understood where I was coming from when I wrote about being a night person. She said she understood, she said SHE FELT ME!! Do you know how GOOD it feels to know that somebody FEELS YOU?!?! ESPECIALLY when it's PERSONAL. And yeah man, it's personal. Again, I hate to make a big deal out of this, but that was just so cool to me.
3. After I called Hong Kong just a few minutes ago and ordered some MSG-saturated crispy chicken, I went to the bathroom and then stood outside of classroom 4 by the blue railing. I laid my head down on my arms just you know, just scared, worried, and stressed. Then I notice somebody is walking near me (you know the feeling) and I look up. She keeps walking for a little bit then turns around and says, "are you okay?" ARE YOU OKAY!! MAN, THAT JUST GOT ME SOO..!! I said yes, and thank you, but you know what.. YOU GO GIRL. That takes courage. That takes love. The little things.
Yes, I had a full cup of caffeine today. But still....
3 THOUGHTS while I eat my ghetto Chinese food:
1. I'm finally going to become a citizen. PRAISE GOD oh man I can't stop praising God . This is huge for me, this is huge for my family. It's been a long time comin'. Too long, really. There was a schedule conflict with my exam that kind of scared me, but again, thank GOD that He took care of that too. Now, I just need to worry about my ever-accruing financial problems and of course, getting ready for that interview. It would be embarrassing if I didn't know the governor of NJ. By the way, who IS the governor of NJ? I've been in Dominica for almost 2 years, may I be excused?
2. Even WHEN I finally get into gear and start studying hardcore, the material that I need to cover STILL seems endless. This is exam is HUGE for me. I'd say close to life-altering. I'm serious. And it's scary man. To be totally honest, it was fear that kick-started me into "study-mode." Life makes you wonder sometimes. Was that last sentence totally random? It really wasn't.... my exam's on Monday- I would be SO thankful if you could pray for me.
3. I've recently come across a good amount of GREAT sermon series that I put into my iPod. I've been listening to one sermon a night as I walk back to my apartment from campus. I was telling some of my friends that the problem is, the walk home is only 5 minutes, while each sermon is like 45 mins. to an hr. But it's been GREAT. I mean, believe me when I say that it makes a difference, when you surround yourself with PURPOSEFUL things. Wish I had the time to share it all here, but like I told Luke, there will be a time and place for everything. One huge ongoing theme in the sermon series I've been listening to is about how Christians ENGAGE the world around them. What it means to be in, but not OF the world. What it means to not be assimilated, but not be separated. BALANCE. Talks about a PLETHORA (yeah I said plethora) of things, got me laughing, screaming, and crying in my head because of the truth it speaks. And what's more is I've been seeing these issues in the lives of friends and the lives of people around me. Some things make me mad. Some things make me sad. Some things makes me want to grab a hold of that person, shake them, and scream at them to knock some sense into them. Of course I'd never do that.. I think.
I probably lost you there.... "The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea..." (Fight Club)
3 MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS just because..:
1. BRYAN EAST is dancing with the BOOGIE BOTS on America's Best Dance Crew (!!!). I was going crazy in my room when they were up. Don't sleep on them, VOTE FOR THEM!!
2. To build off of random thought #1, I've been thinking about this quote A LOT, from the movie "Chariots of Fire." The main character is a Christian runner named Eric Liddell, and here's what he says: "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I FEEL HIS PLEASURE." That has seriously catapulted into the top of my favorite quotes list. Because it's so beautiful. The heart of it is beautiful. The thought of it beautiful. But it's also been cause for me to think. I tried to fill in the blanks: "God made me BLANK, and when I BLANK, I feel his pleasure." This has sent me me into a whirlwind of thoughts for the past few days. I won't get into them, but I WILL say.... in whatever you do, SENSE HIS PLEASURE.
3. The Cultural Show is coming up, and FU is thinking about performing again. I still haven't decided if I'm gonna join them, should they decide to dance. I don't know if I have enough fuel in my tank for that. Man, believe me I wish I could. I miss dancing. I've always been the worst out of all my friends, but I dunno, I just love it. Guess we'll see then.
Dinner is finished, gotta get back to outlining packets. I'm hoping to get done by tomorrow, so I can straight study from Thursday to Sunday. I'll probably end up a day behind schedule though. Oh well.. and would you believe, I've been listening to the soundtrack from the 1980 movie "Somewhere in Time" while studying. 2 semesters ago it was sad John Mayer songs. I don't know what's up with me and sad songs while I study. Anyway..
God bless ya'll.
-Ro
P.S. Shoutout to Nate & Maya who just got recently ENGAGED!! What a blessing. You guys have DEFINITELY been, and will continue to be, in my prayers.
P.S.S. Because I know you were wondering: the crispy chicken was more
fluff than meat this time. It's hit or miss with that dish (or any dish from Hong Kong for that matter). Glad I had some
sweet & sour sauce to kinda (but not really) make up for it.
P.S.S.S. Thank You LORD FOR BEING EVER-PRESENT. For having a relationship with me. Do You know how lonely I'd be if You were not here with me? Of course You do! I LOVE YOU.
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