This past week, I've come to realize why I tend to sleep so late, and it's because of this fear I have of beginning the next day. I mentioned this before, but I'm a night person. I feel safe at night, I feel free. Night is the time to wind down and relax. The night is quiet, comfortable, and stress-free. I guess sometimes I wish the night can just last a bit longer, so I stay up. I always end up paying for it the next day.

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Hats off to the Lakers. The Spurs were beat by a better team. At least I won't have anymore basketball distractions this semester. It sucks because I really wanted the Spurs to clear all doubts in the minds of people (about them being considered one of the NBA's elite dynasties) and really put an emphatic stamp on NBA history. I wanted them to win at least 5 titles in 10 years. Looks like the ride will just keep going for now.

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Prince Caspian is out in the movies (of the Narnia series). I'm really sad that I won't be able to watch it in the movie theaters, but what can ya do? At least I can hope for the other books to also be made into a movie. Speaking of books, there are so many books I want to read, or have started but have not had the time to finish. I'll get back to them one day hopefully. I miss reading days.

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Here's a question: what do you do for your "quiet time"? Do you read random chapters in the Bible, read the Old and New Testament book by book, follow a Study Guide, read a Devotional, or maybe do something else? I'm definitely interested. I've been reading chapter by chapter for years now, but am thinking about adopting some kind of study guide, especially for the OT for more background information.

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Last thing before I call it quits on this post, I want to share an idea that has really helped me. Do you find yourself telling people you will pray for them, only to try to pray for them at that moment so as not to forget- so you could at least say that you prayed for them at least once? Well, what I did was, I bought an address book and have been using it as a prayer book. If someone asks me to keep something in prayer, or if I tell someone that I will keep them in prayer, I put their names down alphabetically in that address book. There is space beneath each name, and I put down the date and the specific thing to be prayed for. The address book is this tiny leather pocket-sized book, so I'm able to keep it in my back pocket all the time (along with my even smaller and thinner writing book). You can decide to pray for a certain block of letters on each day of the week. For example, names A-D on Sunday, names E-H on Monday, etc. I have no doubts that over time, the number of people and prayer requests will be great, so I thought this might be the best way to divide it up. It works for me, and I thought I'd throw that out there in case someone wanted to do something similar. We need to be prayer warriors. We need to intercede for our brothers and sisters, and this is one front that anybody can fight on, one thing that anybody can, and should do, for the Kingdom of God. There are people I know who pray for me either every day, or on certain days of the week, and it makes such a difference. I'm sure there are people who I don't know who pray for me in this way as well, but God knows. God honors it, and while it's a quiet, humble, and unglorified (in man's eyes) ministry, it is incredibly powerful and important. It makes a world of a difference. When we go to be with God, and all is said and done: if we can be amazed now at the power of prayer, only knowing so much, imagine when we find out the full extent of the impact our prayers made for others, and the impact the prayers of others made for us. Let the power of prayer be real and ever present in your life, and in the lives of those you love. God bless.

I cannot believe it is mid-April already . Where the heck does the time go? I haven't done nearly as much as I had planned to do while being back home on medical leave. Oh, and on that note, let me also say that health-wise I'm pretty much healed of my shingles. I just have to try to remember to keep putting vitamin E on the minor scars it left on my face, but I'm good. Thank you so much to everyone who has faithfully kept me in their prayers. They are being heard. Not just on the health front, but on many other fronts as well. I promise you that your prayers are making a difference, and words cannot express my gratitude.

Side note: I know I mentioned in my previous post that shingles is contagious, but I was misinformed. Shingles is not contagious, unless you have never had chicken pox, and even at that, you'd really have to be all up on the sores to even have a fighting change. My brother Rommel has never had chicken pox and he didn't get it even though I've slept in his room ever since I came back (thanks Rom!).

I know it's been a few weeks, but I really wanted to backtrack and share some of the amazing blessings I experienced in March during a very, very difficult time- blessings that came about because of the love of others.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Kamini and I took a bus to Roseau and met up with Marsha, Lisa, and Mina at the hospital (PMH). We walked over to this nice little place within the city for lunch and just had a great time of food and fellowship. Afterwards we walked the streets of Roseau for a bit and then stopped over at Dominica's version of Starbucks for some Starbucks-like drinks. Last stop was KFC and then Kamini and I headed back up to Picard. It was so great chillin' with my 5th semester friends (from the original class I started out with). It may be a while before the next time, but I know it won't be the last time we all hang out .

That night, I had dinner with the Ohman family at their lovely home. This family is soooo so so special to me- they have literally treated me like family and shown me love since day 1. Chrystal cooked up a super delicious meal for us- dinner and dessert! I had a real good talk with Brandon and Chrystal afterwards, then goofed around and watched "Monsters Inc." with my girls Olivia and Selah (I love you girls to death!!). I miss you all already. Thank you for spending time with me before I left the island, and thank you for just.. everything .

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I headed out to Wednesday Bible Study as I did every week. Got a chance to speak with Pastor Ed while we were waiting to begin, and I got him up to speed with a few things that were going on in my life. When we were just about finished, Kyle spoke up and got everyones attention. He turned to me and said that RCF (Ross Christian Fellowship) had a love gift to present to me! I'm tellin' you, that came out of left field, because receiving a gift was the last thing I had in mind. In my head I was like, "Wow.."- kinda just speechless, not really knowing what to say or expect. I opened the present and took it in as Kyle explained that RCF had asked members who wanted to, to write out a little message to me, talking about how their lives have been touched by.. yes, you guessed it, little 'ol me. Andrea put it all together in a scrapbook, complete with Scriptures (which were all so on point) and pictures. Right then and there I was moved to tears, and did my best to hold them in.

In my world, this was a big deal. Not because I think I'm all that and worthy of such a gift (for I am nothing apart from God, and if anyone is touched by anything in my life, all glory goes to Jesus Christ because it's all Him), but because I felt like God was showing me something. Coming into Ross, I said to God: "I don't know why You'd take me to Dominica. I can't see how You're gonna compensate for my inadequacies and help me get my MD. Lord, You may not even be sending me to Dominica to become a doctor, but I know.. there's a reason. All I'm asking You Lord is that You use me mightily while I'm there. If nothing else- if I don't become a doctor, if I waste thousands of dollars on this journey, if my parents are never going to be happy with me.. at least let me touch lives, for You."

I had passively forgotten that specific prayer over the months I had been away. I mean, the spirit of the prayer never left me, but the specific words and the moment- I had forgotten. But God took me back to it. I tell my friends all the time, that I never thought my path (to whatever career I'm supposed to have) would be so wavy and.. not-straight. Over the past few months of darkness and confusion in my life, I kept asking God a billion "why"s. I could almost hear God joking, "Ro, you should have been careful about what you asked for!" But what God was showing me, was that everything, and I mean everything in our lives exists and happens to bring God glory and to work out His purposes. In short, it's all about Him. God took me back to that prayer and showed me that He was answering it
in my life, and that I need to keep trusting Him. This is all part of His plan. He is in control. He knows why.. and I learn these lessons again and again.. for like the hundredth time. I was both honored
and very humbled.

I can't thank you all enough for your words of encouragement and power. Your gift to me means soo much, and sitting there during Bible study was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I was telling Kyle and Andrea, that this gift is way up there with one of the best presents I have ever received. Before I left for Ross, my friends in NJ gave me a similar gift. During my surprise going-away party (courtesy of Alana), they all wrote words of encouragement in a book that also contained proverbs and Scriptures. During my time at Ross, I have often read and reread that book from cover to cover, especially during times of intense struggle and attack. That book will always be close to my heart for sure, and so will this scrapbook. It has already encouraged me time and time again while being back home on this medical leave. So many times, especially as of late, when I thought things couldn't possibly get worse, they do. But through it all, God has remained so faithful, and one way He has shown me His goodness, is through the love of friends.

Must keep counting my blessings.

Afterwords, I set up shop at the deck by the beach and read the messages and the Scriptures. While reclining, I noticed this huge black thing drop to the sea with a splash. I was like, "What the heck was that?!" I got up and saw these two swooping up into the air and splashing back into the water:

The were also flying back and forth, from left to right across the peninsula in front of me. It was so amazing watching them, and it gave me this huge sense of peace. As they glided across the sea, wings spread straight out in a glide, barely touching the water, a strong sense of freedom was impressed upon me. A freedom that only being in Christ can give. I think the show I watched that afternoon was another gift from God .

That night, I was supposed to have dinner at Tomatoes with the peach house girls (Cat, Jacki, Pam, and Jasleen). I was running late because I had an unexpected conversation on the phone with my Mom. Little did I know that I was keeping other people waiting as well. I saw Jasleen from downstairs, and I figured they were all just waiting for me, since Cat said she would order my meal for me while they waited. But as soon, as I walked in, this is what I see (!!):

I was supposed to have dinner with Hugh and a few other FU peoples, but he cancelled on me, and it was for this reason- they all planned to surprise me. Man, they had a cake and everything (it was like a bridal shower cake, LOL ). I had no idea and it was such a pleasant surprise. They paid for my dinner, we had cake, and most importantly, we had a great night just hanging out. Ya'll are the best and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being there.

Later that night, Kamini stopped by to say goodbye. God really used her mightily in my life those couple of weeks- talking to me, hearing me out, encouraging me, helping me realize so many significant things (not to mention tutoring me).. really been like a sister to me. Then later on Dave came by (who has been God-sent for the whole semester). We had an amazing time of prayer, just lifting one another up to Him and interceding for each other. I spent the whole night packing. I fell asleep for maybe 2 or 3 hours on my couch (in my room), got up, and continued packing. I didn't finish packing and cleaning right up until Afie came by (my ride to the airport).

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The airport was lookin' different, as they are doing a lot of construction over there. Pastor Ed and Mama Cindee came by to see me off. Pastor Ed paid for my meal, and Mama Cindee had a nice sized banana bread to give me too! We sat there and had a really, really good conversation. They are so wise, and they gave me really good counsel about some of the issues I was dealing with. Then they walked me to the waiting area, and before I went in, we stood and Pastor Ed prayed for me. I am just so thankful for them.

I want to also thank so many other friends who have e-mailed me, facebooked me, texted me, called me, or whatevered me to wish me well- the ones who have prayed for me and kept me in their thoughts. I seriously can't thank you enough. I just wanna say that I have kept you all in my prayers as well, and that my door is always open, as it always has been, if you ever need anything at all. We shall talk soon .

To all my friends: I love you guys. Thank you.

---

As I mentioned earlier, being back in the States hasn't exactly gone as planned. My heart, mind, and spirit has wrestled, and continues to wrestle, with a number of serious issues. I've had to find ways to make money to get by day to day, and to deal with a fair share of unexpected expenses. It's really tough not having a car of my own. I just finished taking care of the paperwork and housecleaning that comes with being on medical leave. I've had my moments of relaxation and rest, but I've really, really had to fight for them.

God' been showing me a lot of really cool stuff though. The teachings and sermons I've had the opportunity to listen to have been amazing. He's shown me what "pray without ceasing" can really do. He's shown me "whispers of miracles" and continues to show me that He is absolutely in every little thing that happens. My God has been patient with me, shown me compassion in the midst of my struggles. Truly nothing can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Alana has been a precious blessing to me. Every day her love for me puts me in awe. It's like, how can someone love me so much? desire me or want me so much.. see so much good in me.. love me so purely and selflessly? I appreciate the little things so much. I cherish every moment we spend together. Somtimes I just watch her- driving.. sleeping.. shopping.. I smile on my face and in my heart. Also, as long as we've been together, I still think God is teaching us how to be free with each other, and I love it. I love where we are, and I love what we are. There's no doubt that we were made for one another. Hun, I feel absolutely at home in your heart .

When I think of you, all I can say is "WOW."

It's been great hanging out with my brothers too. Been going to Stevens Christian Fellowship on Wednesdays at Rommel's school for the past few weeks. Hung out at Michelle's once, watch movies every once in a while, and eat all day and all night, lol . Ray has also really been taking a stand for me during conflicts, and I really appreciate that. Rommel's been reminding me to learn how to keep my cool- to not get so heated up so quickly. Been also meeting up with a few friends here and there, going out to eat or going to a Bible study or to church. I really appreciate you guys making time to catch up with me and see me.

Last Friday night Lana and I went to Qwel's birthday celebration in Red Bank, NJ. Like I said on facebook, I had such an awesome time seeing so many old friends- my old roommates, Rutgers heads, mOshn fam.. I've missed you guys and it was so refreshing.

2:30 am

we stood outside and all i felt like doing was ripping out the "no parking" sign's metal pole and swinging it at every car that was parked along the street tonight. swinging it at all the unfairness in the world. hurting all the people who make my life the way it is.

funny, because not too long before we were having dinner with a couple i admire and respect, and i was telling them how i was making an effort to not complain so much in my life, to be content above my circumstances and to count my blessings.. okay, not funny- hypocritical.

as soon as i stepped into the door, i was in the process of calming down. i wanted to go to dunkin donuts or to a diner, but i didn't have a car. it's 'coz i love the night and i knew it'd make me feel better. i love the late late night. my favorite time to be out. makes me feel the free-est. it's always been like that. it would have been nice to walk, but jersey city is definitely too dangerous for that. i also, sadly enough, did not have anyone to go with, though i wouldn't have minded being alone.

it's nice being back home, but the devil really knows how to keep things hard for me (i'll take some of the blame as well). on top of it all, i wasted the past 4 days trying to get rid of a virus on my laptop. i ended up reformatting my computer, which added more new headaches.

longer post coming up soon. been meaning to recap blessings that cannot remain unspoken here. i'm sorry i've been kinda out of touch. my prayers have been faithful and true though.

-ro

It was tough getting up Monday morning, but I forced myself. I got up and prayed despite a headache (due to lack of sleep) that would go on for most of my day. Stelios and I caught a ride to Roseau that made my headache even worse. We finally got there, and after stopping by their apartment, it was nice to see my good friend Lisa who I hadn't seen in a while. Stelios changed into his hospital attire and we caught a transport to the Princess Margaret Hospital. We went into the Opthalmology section and Stelios explained to Nurse Richards that he'd come by for his friend (me). They knew him because, like I said in my previous post, he had done his first rotation there. Nurse Richards was just amazing and from then on took great care of me and made me a priority. I had to get registered at the "Appointments" section of the hospital, and Stelios stayed with me until everything was in order and I was all set to be seen. Stelios, I know you had the mushy gushy 'coz your such a manly man, but dude, I just want you to know that I can't thank you enough for all that you did for me. Thanks for going that extra mile and doing things you didn't have to do to make sure that I got taken care of. You are the man and I won't forget that. So when Stelios left, I had to go over to "Accounts" and pay $25EC. The line was crazy long. About 15 minutes in on waiting, I started to feel the need to go to the bathroom. The medicine I'm taking makes me urinate more than usual (which would be a lot because I normally pee a lot). Man, suffice it to say that I must have waited on that line for about 30+ more minutes, and it was torture and agony. When I finally was directed to a bathroom, I had to cross a muddy lawn, and got my brand new Nike Frees (from the Philippines) all muddy. I tried to make myself feel better by thinking that at least I didn't wet myself, but it was still a bummer.

Came back and even though there were already people waiting to be seen, she took down my history immediately. While she was doing that it was interesting because I also got to see some of my 5th semester friends who are rotating in opthalmology. Vidya, Angie, and Laila were there with another doctor. It was their first day rotating here, and while I was sitting there giving the nurse my information, the doctor was using me to illustrate points to my friends. You shine the light like this, cover the patient's eye, etc. He finally asks me my name, and we explained to him that we all knew each other. They did a visual acuity test on me (Snellen eye chart) and I felt like one of the ICM patients we have back on campus. I took my seat again to wait for whatever was next. I then saw Jaya, Cindy, Kamini, and Basant. They were doing an OBGYN rotation and waiting for a doctor. We got to chatting and it was nice having friends around to talk to while waiting. The technician called me in (Laila shadowed her) and she told me to have a seat. She placed an anesthetic on both my eyes that burned like heck. Then she had this other instrument that would measure the intraocular pressure in my eye. After a few tries, she finally got a normal reading (I was a bit tense in the beginning), and thank God that the pressure in my eye has remained normal.

I finally got to see Dr. Shillingford in her office (Vidya and Laila were shadowing). I was told that she was an excellent physician who knows her stuff, and that people enjoyed rotating with her. To be honest, I was very very extremely impressed with her knowledge. I'd have trusted her with doing eye surgery on me right then and there. But I was not very impressed by her persona, as she barely managed to say "good afternoon," and she pretty much made no conversation with me. She examined my eye, allowed Vidya and Laila to examine my eye (bless your hearts for asking me if I was okay after all that light shining), and explained to them what was going on as well as possible complications that may arise. She did some more examining, and if I did not ask her any questions she would have just told me what meds to take and then told me to come back next week. Granted, I will cut her some slack since she probably knows that I am a medical student as well and that her talking to them should have been equal to her talking to me too (did you get that?). Anyway, Dr. Shillingford told me to keep taking my meds as prescribed by Dr. Douglas, and told me to come back in a week because eye complications typically arise 5-10 days after the onset of symptoms, and she just wanted to make sure that I was in the clear during that time stretch. The good news is, my eye is not currently involved. The other great news is, the tip of my nose is not involved. Dr. Shillingford was saying how she had patient last week with the exact same case as me (maxillary branch and everything), except that the tip of her nose was involved. The likelihood of the eye getting involved would have been extremely great if the tip of the nose was affected, because they both share an innervation (a nerve branch that I don't remember and really don't feel like looking up on Wiki). I praise God with all my heart for the good report that I heard at the hospital that day. Last thing I was told was that I needed to get bloodwork done to make sure I don't have diabetes or any immunocompromised state.

So I left the doc's office, said goodbye to my friends, and sincerely thanked Nurse Richards for just being all around awesome that day (may God bless her). I walked out of the hospital, past Stelios' apartment, over the bridge, and onto where the Portsmouth transports are located waiting for passengers. Got on one and was pleasantly surprised to see Steve subsequently get on. He had just finished taking his Step I exam and was already back in Dominica for rotations, so I did see him earlier as well at the hospital. Steve's such a good guy and it was great talking to him throughout the ride back. Steve, if you're out there (lol), I just wanted to say that I really admire your spirit, your personality. And I thank you for also offering to help me in any way that you can. You are a blessing bro. and I know that God has great things in store for you. I know it. Well, we finally got back on campus, and since I hadn't eaten a thing yet (for a fasting blood draw), I decided to go see if I can get my labwork done at the health center on campus. The health center was not packed at all, and I got my blood drawn in no time and paid the fee. I saw Dr. Douglas in passing and updated her on my condition. Man, I dunno what others think about her, but she is just so awesome and very caring. I have an appointment to go see her again this Friday. Subway was right nextdoor, so I decided to buy food there (I'm in the middle of promising to never eat at Brothers again- you know how that's gonna end up). Got a Subway club as well as some sympathy from some Subway workers (kinda hard not to notice my face, so I don't blame them at all).

On my way out I ran into Juliana (by divine appointment, let me tell you). When we were both waiting to be seen at the health center last Friday, she had encouraged me to go speak to Dr. Myers about my situation and had given me her secretary's telephone number. She asked me again if I had gone to see her and I told her no because I'm not really a let-me-go-talk-to-a-professor type of guy. Juliana still told me I should go see her to at least let her know about the struggles I am going through and to most importantly, see what my options were. Okay, so I was convinced. After we parted I called Dr. Myers' secretary to see if she was free that afternoon. Called 3 times and no answer. I stopped by the bookstore to get soup (never again at Brothers) but they had run out. I guess my puffed up eye, blisters, and puppy face had an effect on the cashier, because as I walked away she called me back and offered me the little bit of chili that was left in the pot for free. I thanked her and had my chili outside. I walked over to the building where Dr. Myers' office is at, only to find that she wasn't there, and neither was her secretary. Another secretary told me that she had stepped out and that I could come back or wait. I opted to wait. About 45 minutes later, she finally walks in, and I explained to her that I did not have an appointment but that I hoped she could spare a few minutes to speak with me. She didn't even think twice and invited me into her office. You could say that I was glad I came by from that moment on.

So I took a seat and we got to talking. My goal coming in was to walk out of there knowing my options, but I also came in knowing that I wasn't going to BS my way through this conversation. I explained to her that from the very beginning of the semester, I was simply overwhelmed (no other way to put it). I had gone to the Philippines over the break where every day there was nonstop things to do, and once coming back to the States, I was immediately on a flight back to Dominica, and back in class before I knew what hit me. Everythinig about 4th semester overwhelmed me, from the busy schedules, to weekly ICM meetings, to Stan, etc. I told Dr. Myers that once I got behind, I couldn't recover. Not withstanding my own personal problems that I had to deal with, I failed Mini I bad. How bad, she asked? Reeaallyy bad, I said. How many subjects? 3, of which 2 were worse than bad. Then I explained to her how despite my setback, I became really committed to doing whatever it took to get myself out of the hole I put myself in. I was willing to work hard, do my best to redeem myself and make up for the grades I earned. And that's when shingles happened. I told her that it was totally unexpected, but looking back, I can see how I set myself up for it, with all the stress I was (am) going through. I said that I thought it would go away, but it only got worse. I told her how I was told I couldn't wear an eye-patch because the warmth would be favorable to bacterial growth, and thus I could not mediasite because my computer screen irritated my eye. I also explained to Dr. Myers that I had two wonderful 5th semester friends who have taken it upon themselves to tutor me (Kamini and Raheleh). They were willing to sacrifice their time and energy to help me do well on Mini II. This is what I had been doing for the past couple of days (which was great because again, I could not mediasite). But the reason I came to your office, I told Dr. Myers, was because I wanted to find out what my options are at this point. Before I started getting tutoring, I wasn't able to do anything because of my condition. I lost precious time that I could not afford to lose considering my Mini I performance. I am still in pain and find it very difficult to study or focus. What are my options?

Dr. Myers was extremely sympathetic to my situation. She quickly understood that I did not have any time to re-energize myself during my break and that I quickly got burnt out, causing me to do really bad on my first mini. She also understood that the shingles were a result of my stress (from school as well as other areas of my life) and that I should not be penalized for how it has greatly affected my studies. Dr. Myers explained to me that her number one concern was for my health. Mini II is in less than 2 weeks, and I am already majorly behind again. Despite my being committed to studying and working hard, would the load only exacerbate my medical condition? So here was the deal: What she could do, she told me, is to facilitate for me to go on medical leave for the rest of the semester. She'd get medical notes from Dr. Douglas and Dr. Shillingford to vouch for my condition, and explain to Dr. Laville about my state coming into the semester, as well as the medical condition I currently have. The catch, was that it would all work out smoothly if I made my decision before taking Mini II. I told her that that was a tough decision to make, because I feel like I do have what it takes to still pass this semester, and I want so badly to finish and move on. I was hoping to see how I could do on Mini II, and then decide. But she explained that she will have a much tougher time convincing the Promotions Committee to let me stay if I decide to take Mini II, fail it, and then try to take my leave, because they will say, okay, you already knew that you needed to take care of your health, why did you not just stop and go ahead and do that? We all know that the Promotions Committee has been less forgiving these days. Furthermore, Dr. Myers encouraged me to take the leave because she personally wants to see me do as well as I possibly can in medical school. She said that the way she approaches her job is to give help to the students who show promise, are serious and hardworking, and to find the students who vandalize bathrooms and get them out of here. She also said that my situation is further complicated by the fact that I repeated 3rd semester, but on the flip side, the fact that I did pretty well on my repeat semester would still go in my favor. She personally wants to see me do comparatively well in 4th semester, because statistics show that certain GPAs give a student a better chance at passing/scoring well on the Comp. and the Step.

What a decision to make, but like I told Dr. Myers, I came to see what my options were, and it's just good to know that I even have options. She said that she didn't want to make the decision for me, and that I didn't have to decide right then and there, but I'd have to decide in less than a week. I thanked her wholeheartedly, and I left feeling very impressed with the heart Dr. Myers has for her students. I used to get her and Dr. Coleman mixed up, and I've heard that one was mean and the other was a sweetheart. I don't know about all that anymore. In any case, my divine appointments with Juliana and Dr. Myers were unexpected, but at the end of the day I am glad that they occurred. Last night I emailed Dr. Myers about whether I'd get a tuition reimbursement (since I forgot to ask), and what do you know, if I act quickly, I can still get money returned to my lender, proportional to the amount of weeks we have left on the schedule. I'd have to get all the paperwork in by Friday though. So if you are out there reading this, please say a quick prayer for me, so that God can guide me in making the right decision. There is so much to think about and consider- I can't even begin to get into it right here and right now. My heart is divided. Yet again I am facing such a big decision, but I have to realize that God allowed this meeting to take place for a reason. And somewhere deep inside, I feel like God is answering my prayer from earlier this semester, asking for rest. Shingles- a blessing in disguise? And then again, also deep inside, my heart is yearning to have this season of my life over with, to finish 4th semester and get off this island. It's like, why would God answer my gf's prayer and provide me with the best tutors I can possibly ask for, if I wasn't meant to finish out this semester anyway? Yes, my heart is certainly divided.

Why do I write? Because I think it's the least I can do for all those who are praying for me (and I realize that there are many out there that I don't even know about). To keep you all updated about what's going on, and to let you know that God has been hearing your prayers, because He has continued to show me grace, mercy, and love. And wow, I can't even express enough of my gratitude to those who have reached out to me. I love you guys and I am in prayer for you as well. I'm not just saying that. Please don't hesitate to let me know what I need to be praying for. There is nothing too little or too big.

My brother Rommel sent me an awesome email, encouraging me and reminding me of ways I can stay in tune with God to help facilitate my healing. I wanna end with a verse that he shared with me from Job chapter 5 verse 9: "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." That holds true for me, and surely that holds true for you too.

-Ro

On Wednesday morning I began to notice little bumps on my
lips. Weird, I thought- never had those before. I thought they’d go away on
their own, so I didn’t bother to go to the health center. That same day, I took
a nap before heading over to the FU tinikling practice. When I woke up, I
noticed a tingling in the area right underneath my right eye. OK? Then that
night I had a hard time sleeping because breathing in and out began to hurt my
teeth in the back of the top right side of my mouth (did you get that?). The
pain was like a toothache, and I thought, wow, now something is wrong with my
teeth. So I began to brush my teeth a lot, almost after every meal. On
Thursday, all the pain I was feeling elevated to the next level. My eye was
hurting, my teeth were hurting, and more lumps began to surface on and around
my upper right lip. There was numbness everywhere I had lumps. I kind of
started to worry a bit more about what was going on. So I decided to go to
campus that night after our final FU practice at Jude, JR, and Marvi’s place
(thanks for the free mixed fruit Marvi). I didn’t see Dr. Khal (J-Dawg) in his
office, not did I see anyone at the EMS office, so I decided to call my good
friend Brandon, who is a member of the EMS
team and also a former chiropractor. After interrupting his study group (sorry
B), I first reassured him that I wasn’t sexually active in any way, shape, or
form. He said it was stress and told me that it happens, that it should pass,
but I ought to see the doctor at the health center the day after.

Forced myself to get up Friday morning only to find that my
right eye was extremely swollen. I headed to the health center at about 10 am
(yeah, that’s early for me). The nurse saw me and took down my vitals, history,
etc. and told me to come back at 4 pm to see the doctor. I’d be coming in as a
walk-in, since all appointment slots had been filled until next week. So I get
my haircut (since I’m performing that night and I wanted to look at least a
little bit decent) and at 3:45 I’m back in the health center. They weren’t
kidding when they said to “expect to wait” if you are a walk-in. The waiting
area was a bit quiet at first, but once Juliana walked in, waiting wasn’t so
bad. Let’s see- Chrystal (Brandon’s
wife) walks in, J-Dawg makes an appearance, and when Bella comes in she says,
“Hey guys! I didn’t know the party was up in here!” So after almost 2 hours, I
finally get called in and Dr. Douglas sees me about my facial issues. Dr.
Douglas was so great- I absolutely love her spirit, car, and attitude, and I
wish every doctor could be like that (yes, she definitely impressed me). As
soon as she took a look at my face after I explained my story to her, she said
it definitely looked like shingles- a.k.a. herpes zoster or postherpatic
neuralgia.

What is shingles? I have to explain, because after walking
around campus these past few days, I’ve received a few judgmental looks and
glances (not from my friends). Shingles is a condition that is caused by the
varicella-zoster virus (VZV). This is the same virus that causes chickenpox. So
here’s how it works. When a person gets the chickenpox as a child, some of the
virus particles leave the skin blisters and enter into the nervous system, most
commonly on a sensory band called a dermatome (it will only affect one side of
the body). So you get over your chicken pox and grow up to eventually go to
medical school on this tiny island called Dominica. A few quick facts: (1)
anyone who has had the chickenpox is at risk for shingles, and (2) stress
decreases your immune system. So if a person gets stressed out enough, the
virus is reactivated courtesy of the person’s decreased immune system. The
virus moves back down the nerve fibers that extend from the sensory cell bodies
to the skin on that dermatome. The virus multiplies, the rashes and lumps begin
to appear, and what do you know, the person now has shingles. Either my
threshold for stress is not that high, or I really am stressed out. The latter
would not be far from the truth.

Dr. Douglas started me on Acyclovir, the drug of choice for
shingles. I took Acyclovir pills (800 mg, 5 times a day) and used an Acyclovir
cream twice a day. She also gave me Ranitidine, an H2 antagonist, to counter
any GI disturbances that may result from taking the Acyclovir. Yay, I thought,
I’m finally gonna get better. I saw the FU crew heading towards classroom 6 as
soon as I walked out of the health center. Headed over there with them and was
very appreciative of the concern everybody showed for me. You guys really are
the best. While waiting outside, we gathered around in a circle and I had the
honor of leading everyone in prayer. I am glad that we had the presence of mind
to do that, to realize that He is our source of strength. Then Chrystal gave me
a call and I met up with her because she had made me dinner (touches my heart
every time), which was perfect because I needed to take my meds with food. The
show started, and FU was due to perform at about the halfway point, and that
night, we brought the house down with our tinikling dance performance. I was so
proud of everybody because I know that their hard work had payed off, and that
they deserved every bit of praise, all the clapping and screams, and every
standing ovation that they received. The was packed packed packed, and the adrenaline
rush was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Personally speaking, I felt in
my element during my parts, and it felt good (despite my foot slipping on my
first solo while attempting to end my set with a back-bridge). Before I got up
to dance my first solo, I just told God, take me on eagles wings- I dance for
Your glory. I felt like crap the whole night, but after we performed, I forgot
about my pain just for a little while. The whole Cultural Night that SGA threw
was amazing. I was impressed by so many of the performances and was honored to
be a part of it. Many talented people and friends in this school, and it was
very nice to see all of that humanity apart from our daily academic grind.
Great overall night, and oh, let me not forget to express how much I love
Olivia and Selah (Brandon and Chrystal’s girls), who came to watch the show.
They gave me home-made cards with hearts, ribbons, decorations, and a big “we
are going to miss you” right smack on the front (this will be the last semester
we will be seeing each other). I will always love those girls to death. They
sure had a good time and it was great seeing them dance after the show ended. All
the FU heads went to Bob’s (Chinese restaurant) afterwards. Felt good to eat
and fellowship with such great people/friends. Everyone was sharing their food
(that was a first for me on the island)- felt like I was back home, and again,
it was just so nice. We earned that night of laughs and relaxation. On another
personal note: thank you to everyone who gave me props for my humble
performance. I have a hard time taking compliments, but I want you all to know
that I am incredibly appreciative. Glory to God.

The following day, Saturday, the pain I felt increased to
yet another level. I forgot to explain, that the nerve the varicella-zoster
virus made a home in was my maxillary nerve. This is the middle branch (V2) of
the trigeminal nerve on a person’s face. What has amazed me was how precise the
nerves really are (you’re probably saying, well duh, but I guess I had never
really though about it). When you look at pictures showing how V1, 2, and 3 are
divided on a person’s face (each taking care of the sensory component for each
division), who would have thought it’d be so exact? Go google the maxillary region.
All my pain begins right under my right eye and ends right on my upper right
lip. In between, the boundaries hold true, and the reason why my back teeth are
hurting is because branches of the maxillary nerve supply that area (it’s just
amazing to me). Anyway, so Saturday, the pain is a lot worse, and my good
friend Jim has said to me that if I needed anything, I “have the whole health
center” at my disposal. Jim is a 4^th semester like me, but he has
been an EMT for many years and is obviously a member of the EMT team here at
Ross. After my tutor session with Kamini, Raheleh, and Krupa (I can’t even
begin to say right now how awesome you guys are for tutoring Joe and me- God
knows I need it bad, and as I said before to you Kamini, you guys are the
answer to my girlfriend’s prayer when she asked God to provide me with a
tutor), I called Jim to see if he could get me an eye-patch because the room
light, sunlight, and my computer screen was irritating my swollen eye. My eye
was also beginning to excessively tear and produce mucus. I’ve been having to
dab my eye with tissue often ever since. Well Jim was just such a blessing. He
opened up the health clinic (which is closed on weekends) and he and a fellow
EMT checked my eye out. Long story short, they examined me and Jim consulted
with Dr. Douglas, who consulted with an ophthalmologist, on the phone. They
gave me a drug to take as needed that would decrease the neuronal pain around
my eye. I stopped taking the Acyclovir cream and instead started using a cream
that consisted of Neomycin, Polymyxin, and Bacitracin. They also gave me this erythromycin
ophthalmic ointment to place on both eyes about 4 times a day to prevent any
superinfections. So I’ve been on all these drugs since then, and we decided
that on Monday, the first thing I will do is go to the hospital at Roseau and see the
ophthalmologist. By the way, I was told not to patch my eye. That night,
Chrystal made me dinner again and Brandon
gave it to me on campus. I always pray that God will just keep blessing their
family for being such a tremendous support and encouragement to me. I love you
guys.

It was also a blessing to find that one of my friends who is
in 5^th semester here, Stelios, actually knows Dr. Shillingford, the
ophthalmologist, because he did his first rotation with her. He said that she
is an extremely competent physician who knows her stuff, and will take care of
me right away. The blessing is that tomorrow morning, I’ll be going with him to
Roseau, where
he will show me where to go (since I have no idea) and will speak to Dr.
Shillingford on my behalf to make sure that I get to see her, and get this
thing taken care of. I just need to get my eye checked to make sure that the
virus did not cause any complications involving any part of my eye. The
neuronal pain killers have been great, but the pain is still pretty bad. Not to
mention that my face just looks like a hot mess. My studies have definitely
been affected. It’s difficult to mediasite due to having to look at the screen,
but even if I could, I’m incredibly behind as it is. Kamini and Raheleh
continued to tutor me today, so they have been an amazing blessing to me. I
still have such a long ways to go. Once again, any prayer for my condition, and
I’m tempted to say more importantly for my schoolwork, is greatly appreciated.
I’m failing 4^th semester. My mini I scores were worse than bad. It
will take another miracle, but God knows that I am trying.

I didn’t go to church today (I lose my perfect attendance
record). My orders were to stay away from campus, as well as the shacks “at
peak hours.” My condition is contagious, but I doubt anyone is at risk. I wash
my hands constantly and I am careful about touching my sores. I did go to
campus today to get tutored, but yes, I did intentionally miss church to stay
away from the masses, and do my part to at least try to keep my fellow
classmates safe (as they put it). And did I also mention that my face feels
like I just got beat up? So I’m sorry I missed everyone today, and while I’m
apologizing- if I’ve seen you around and sort of kept my distance or gave you
some olecranon process instead of the usual fist pound or slap-me-five, it’s
because again, I’m just trying to keep everyone safe while my virus is still
shedding.

My last bit before I go to bed: This island really tests
your patience, tests your grit. I ordered chicken noodle soup from Brothers
tonight, as well as a small order of regular white, steamed rice. I wanted the
soup because I am sick (and soup always makes me feel better), and I wanted to
eat the rice with corned beef (Jacki and Cat were being their usual awesome
selves and gave me free food last night). Well so the food came, and they
charged me more than I was told that I’d be charged on the phone. Okay,
whatever. I open the soup and eat about 3 bites, slurps, whatever you wanna
call it. I go to my kitchen to microwave my corned beef, and when I get back, I
eat a little bit of it with rice (heavenly). I go back to my soup and as I’m
blowing on my next bite to cool it down, I notice this little tiny tiny body
with little tiny legs floating. Let me go grab my spoon and get that junk out
(in Dominica,
you learn to take the bugs out and eat the rest of your food- no joke). I’m
about to take my next bite and I notice another tiny little bug, just like the
first, but a bit smaller. I take it out and stop. Who would have thought to
examine their food for bugs before eating it? Apparently, I should have known
better after all the stuff I’ve experience here on this island. I looked around
and sure enough, what I thought was scallions and black pepper, was really just
a bunch of these tiny little black bugs. They were all over the place. Were
these people intentionally seasoning my soup with- bugs?! It sure looked like
it. It was disgusting, and being the germ-freak that I am, I would have
normally freaked out. But life in the ghetto hardens you a bit, and all I did
was speak to my intestinal juices quietly in my head- come on hydrochloric
acid, come on pepsin, do your work and kill those darn bug germs. I don’t know
how many times I’ve said that I’d never go back to a specific restaurant here
in Dominica,
but the problem here is, there’s nowhere else to go. The shacks, Subway, the
Chinese restaurants- I’ve had bad experiences from all of them. Gosh, I could
tell you about flies in my cod fish, plastic in my crispy chicken, and attitude
problems up the wazooh at Subway. Again, I’ve said countless times that I’d
never go back, but how long does that last? There’s just nowhere else to go.
And a man’s gotta eat.

I gotta take my meds and head to bed. Gotta be up in 5 hrs.
All this and life goes on. My personal issues and poblems go on. School goes on. Classes go on. Time
sure don’t wait for nobody, but I’m leaning on the everlasting arms to get me
through to the next hour, the next day, the next week, the next season.

May God richly bless you.

-Ro

you can't have it all ro.