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  • Pastor Mark Surey gave an awesome message last Saturday at church, preaching out of Psalms 136 & 137. Mark was a former Communist leader (top dog) in Europe (Britain I think). During that time, he said that he memorized one Scripture and one Scripture only, and that was Psalm 137. He would use it to break up Christian meetings and events, heckling them with verse 9: "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dashesh thy little ones against the stones," and he'd say, "If there really is a God, then he is an infanticidal God who enjoys killing children." None of the Christians he had come across in those years ever had an answer to that; they could not reconcile why those words were in the Bible. Later on, he would become a believer in Yeshua Jesus and dig deeper into his Jewish roots. In any case, for his message, he spoke about chapters 137 and 136. The background of chapter 137 is that the Jews were taken captive by the Babylonians, and according to Mark, it was the equivalent of being a Jew and being taken captive by Nazis. Many died on their way to Babylon (something like 1 in 3), and when they got there, they were told to abandon their God and worship other gods or be killed. The Jews said no way- verses 5-6 say "If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy" (this reminded me of Matisyahu's song too called "Jerusalem"). The Babylonians were brutal to the Jews, and did in fact take their children/babies and smash their heads against rocks.

    Now the testy verses are verses 7-9. Well back then, the Persians planned on overtaking the Babylonians. So what they did was they reached out to all the captives, including the Jews, and said, If you join us and help us, then we will lower your taxes, allow you to live wherever you want, give you religious freedom, etc. etc. The only people the Persians did not invite were the Edomites. These people were known for doing the "dirty work" of the Babylonians, ie. killing those babies. So, the Persians, with their technology, had a way of getting underneath the city, and waited for the Babylonians to be drunk and merry during one of their festivals, and overtook the entire city in the middle of the night. Now verses 7-9 are actually verses of prophesy. It's not saying that God will be happy to see the little ones' heads smashed against the rocks, it's saying that those Persians will be, because that's exactly what the Persians did to the Babylonian babies. They took them, smashed their heads against the rocks (killed them), and handed them back to their mothers. Brutal, yes, and a fulfillment of prophesy against those enemies of God's people.

    That is how those verses are reconciled, and it's amazing to me because having grown up in a Christian environment, anytime there is an apparent contradiction in the Word, my mindset is this: "Well, there has to be some good explanation for that, but I'm too lazy to look into it right now. So I'll just leave it at that." It's great to have light shed on such things, and it's awesome to get deeper into what the Bible says. I love that.

    Chapter 136- His love/mercy endureth forever. Mark had four main points to make with this chapter, surrounding the question: why do bad things happen to good people (relatively or generally speaking, because there is really none good (Mark 10:18)). First of all, he said, and I absolutely agree, that when it comes down to tragedy and heartache, there is really nothing you can say, no verses you can point out, that will make somebody feel all that much better, in the face of losing a loved one, in the face of infidelity and betrayal, or chronic disease. It's almost useless to say, You know, this is God's will, and somehow it will all work out... BUT.. best to remember nonetheless, in our encouragement to others and in our own sufferings, that God is (1) JUST (what goes around comes around, in this life or the next), (2) LOVING (He loves you and cares about you through your struggle), (3) ALMIGHTY (God can enforce His will), and (4) FAITHFUL (remember what He's done before in your life/past). Great reminders and definitely an encouragement.


    After service, I had a power conversation with Jeremy and William. We shared a lot of life and experiences, and talked about some flat out thought-provoking things. Here are a few random points....

    - Quentin Tarantino's "Inglorious Bastards"- it's so easy to pick on the Nazis, and rightfully so, but what about a movie about present-day anti-Semitism? Why is it that no one would dare? It's easy to speak up after the fact. There are modern day Nazis, who want to destroy the Jews as a people- eradicate them from the face of the earth, destroy the nation of Israel. You know only too well who I speak of- Hezbollah, Hamas, Palestinian leadership (Palestinian Authority), etc. But not only do people shy away from speaking up today, others defend them! Jeremy told us that there were actually Nazi rallies in America during the Holocaust. Shocking? In today's politically correct society, it's even harder to find people speaking out against anti-Semitism. Then again, ignorance (which I am guilty of as well) plays a big part of it too, just like it did back then during World War II.

    - People often find it hard to believe that God can forgive murder, rape, etc. "So you mean to tell me that after you accept Christ as your Savior, God has forgiven of all sins, both past and future? So, even if you were to kill somebody, you're still gonna go to Heaven?" This further ties in with: "Is it possible to lose your salvation?" (a resounding no). What we, as people, fail to see is how black and evil our own hearts are. We talked about how babies are such amazing people to observe, because they embody raw human nature. There's a saying that goes something like: babies are always seeking to satisfy self; adults are the exact same way- the only difference is that as you age, you learn to hide it better. We are oftentimes unaware of what we are capable of (or maybe we are very much aware and are very good at hiding it), and it is so easy to judge another person. But sin is like a deadly virus, take HIV for example. It doesn't matter if you are exposed via one tiny drop of blood, or via a huge blood transfusion, bottom line?- you are infected, and you are going to die. Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death, and what is the proof that we are all sinful? The fact that we are all one day going to die. But praise God that He provided a way for us to be "saved." One could actually think of their salvation like this: "I am saved, I am being saved, and I will be saved." Saved when I accepted Christ as Lord of my life, am being saved, a.k.a. sanctification, every day being molded to be more and more like Christ, and will be saved, when I die and spend eternity with God. If a true and sincere decision was made, one can never lose their salvation. The thinking that says it might be possible to lose your salvation is the thinking that drives fear into the hearts of many believers- "I need to do this, I need to do that, I, I, I, I, works, works, works, works...." It's a bondage that people really need to be freed from because Jesus is not a liar, and He has done everything necessary to save you forever, done deal. It's also how cults entrap people.

    Once we got into cults, I shared my own experience with the Church of Christ. When I was a freshman, I met this kid who was on-fire for God. He invited me to Bible study and later on church, and we would meet regularly for one-on-one Bible study. One Sunday I witnessed a baptism, and immediately after he was baptized the pastor said something like: "Now you can enter into the Kingdom of God, and go to Heaven when you die." Now that did not sit right with me at all. When I asked the guy who had been doing one-on-one studies with me, he said, "Don't worry about that, we're not there yet. We'll talk about it when we get there." And I was like, "I'm sorry, but no, I want to talk about it right now." They reluctantly agreed, and one night I went over his apartment- his roommate was like the head student leader of Church on Christ on our campus. I walked in armed with my Bible, and we went back and forth for about an hour, until finally I got up and said, "We obviously have some major disagreements, and I'm not gonna be meeting with you guys anymore." To which the student leader replied with (and I kid you not I remember his exact words and tone): "You know, I'm sorry that you're blind and I'll pray that God will open your eyes so you can understand what the Bible says." Excuse me?!, I thought. So that was that and I left and never even saw them again (amazingly, 'coz I used to see them everywhere!). At the same time, Lana had begun seeing another girl from Church of Christ too, totally independent from me (their zeal to reach others was something to be admired). I remember also that at about that time, Lana came to my room crying because the girl who had been "disciplining" her was making her confess her sins to her! And Lana was really struggling with this because in her heart she really wanted to do what was right, but this just did not sit right with her (or me!). Some of our other friends got involved with them too (and thank God were delivered as well). So yes, in the end, we broke away, and found out a lot more things on top of what we had already figured out (we were also told that their church was the "true" church and "only way" to Heaven). One of those things was that they had a number of steps that one had to achieve to become "saved." Cults are a dangerous thing, but something like the Church of Christ could be that much more deceptive, dangerous, and confusing because of its surface similarities to what we know as Christianity.

    - We talked about how nowadays people who believe in the creation theory (as opposed to the evolution theory) are labeled and accepted as "stupid." Why is that? It's like "general knowledge" that anybody who disagrees with evolution, which is the "widely accepted theory among the most knowledgeable scientists world-wide," is stupid! For many reasons. I'd highly recommend watching "Expelled":

    Kent Hovind also inevitable came up into our conversation, a man whose DVDs I'd also highly recommend watching. While his delivery is more often than not very arrogant and not loving at all (yes, I'll absolutely admit it), his content is superb. Eye-opening. Life-changing (I've seen it change lives, yes). Yeah, he's in jail right now, but I haven't gotten down to the bottom of the real reason why he is there. I may never even really know. Anyways, here's a picture of Lana and me with the infamous Kent Hovind. He visited Rutgers while we were still students there to do a debate:

    The crowd there pretty much had their minds set up about ridiculing Hovind and the creation theory, but what do you know, afterward a lot of people actually respected the things he said in defense of creation, and respected how he held his own. We noted that sometimes it's difficult to even find such debates (creation vs. evolution) because evolutions turn down debate invitations so often. Another thing we talked about was how an evolutionist gets "stuck," he or she will often resort to attacking the character or credibility of the creationist (an ad hominem argument). Everyone does it actually: "Hey man, we have a video of you stealing that money from the cash register." "Oh yeah? Well you're dumb!!" (hence your claim and your video mean nothing!). Yes, I know that is a very exaggerated example, but you get the idea. Here a pretty thought-provoking fact: satan was the first being to use an ad hominem argument. When enticing Eve (Adam's wife) to eat the fruit, satan said: "Did God really say not to eat of the tree of good and evil?" Satan attacks God's character, then calls Him a liar!

    Another aspect of evolution that came up was the fact that the bottom line, for why many evolutionists believe what they believe, is this: sexual mores (control of sexual behavior). Now, I took "Animal Behavior" in college and I know a thing or two about evolution and sex. And then we went on to why people believe other things, like say, the New Age stuff that's out there. William's best friend is a New Ager, and they had gone back and forth about their respective beliefs. Once all was stripped away, and after William shot down every last one of his arguments, the bottom line for why he believed in New Age thinking was this: "It feels good."

    - Some people think like this: we should tolerate all religions, beliefs, and ways to God and Heaven, but those Christians? They make me so angry! They are so intolerable! To say that Jesus is the only way! So umm, who's being intolerant? People who believe that all ways are okay except Christianity. No, we can't accept or respect that. Or people who say they hate people who believe in absolutes. When saying there are no absolutes is an absolute statement in and of itself. Along these lines, I'd highly recommend reading C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity." I totally breaks down why it makes sense for God to exists, etc.- all built upon logic and reason. And to believe in God is logical! But you will notice that logic is being taught less and less in schools (unless you are a programmer or something), and why is that?

    - Satan knows he's fighting a losing battle- he knows that in the end he loses. But he's gonna take down as many as he can with him. If he loses a soul to Christ, he won't stop there, he wall want to render that soul useless and ineffective. Satan has so many ways of tricking us, keeping us down, and messing with our minds. Again, I would so recommend another book by C.S. Lewis called "The Screwtape Letters." It's a book composed of a series of letters by a senior demon named Screwtape. He writes letters to his young nephew Wormwood giving him advice on how to turn his "patient" (an ordinary man) toward "our father below" (satan) and away from "the Enemy" (God). It explores the spiritual battle we face daily in such an ingenious way.

    - Finally, the last thing I'll touch on (and I honestly didn't think I'd remember so much from our conversation!- being the writer that I am I found myself wishing I could write so many things down while we talked, so I thank God that a lot of it stayed with me in memory) is the parallel relationship of Christianity and marriage. I've been in a relationship for over seven years, and I am now engaged to be married (praise the Lord!), yet so many times I am told by others: "You're just in your honeymoon period, give it a couple of years, especially after you get married." Well, I know that marriage is hard, but is this the marriage that God created? "Oh, well, we have our good years and we have our bad years." YEARS?! Here's what I know: Pastor Ed and MomCindee (my Ross Christian Fellowship family) are about 60 years old, and MomCindee still says, "We're still on our honeymoon," with the biggest smile on her face. Just watching them and getting to know them over the years has been one of the biggest encouragements in my life. It totally dispelled those fears others tried to instill in me- blew them out of the water. Marriage is meant to be beautiful, and through the good and the bad, and I know mine will be. But it's the same with Christianity. When William first became a Christian, someone at church had the audacity to say to him, "That's just how it is now, wait 'til the trials come, etc. etc." Well, that guy said what almost everyone thinks but just doesn't want to say! But wow, is that what Christ intended our new life in Him to be about?! I don't think so! I know this because I have experienced it! When I surrendered my life to Christ in 2004, little did I know that I would begin going through some of the most difficult and heartbreaking times of my life. 5 years later today, through the good and the bad, that fundamental love and fire has never died, and I know it never will. My life has never been the same since Jesus became the true Lord of my life. In our walk with Christ, every day is meant to be sweeter than the last. I won't be a fool and claim that I've already tasted the worse of what life will bring me, but I know that I want to love Him more today than yesterday, more tomorrow than today. I know that in both my marriage and in my walk with Christ, I will be able to say on my deathbed, "I'm still on my honeymoon." And in the words of my favorite pastor Pastor Peter Hong, "I'll be able to look my wife in the eyes and say 'I have liiiiived!!!'" I have lived....



    P&W at my Congregation, Sha'ar Adonai .



    Our friend Harry (from Bethel Baptist Church) has a ministry visiting nursing homes
    and singing hymns with the elderly. He uses the songs as a means of sharing Christ, and
    Lana and I were able to help out and partake in this yesterday (at a place in Voorhees, NJ).
    It was such an amazing blessing. Hope to do it again .


    The woman on the bottom right of the picture is "three-score and ten years old."
    She said, "God must still have a purpose for me in life,
    and it could be talking to young people like you."


    The woman in pink to the far right asked me to wheel her to her room, and when we got there she broke down crying. I asked her if she was alright and she said yes, and we proceeded to have a great talk that touched my heart deeply. She said, "Although I'm not Catholic, I enjoyed that very much." I asked her "what" she was, and she said she was Jewish. Somewhere along the way, she asked me how I knew so much about Jewish things, and I told her that I attended a Messianic Congregation, amongst Jews who believed that Yeshua Jesus is the Messiah. I prayed for a greater segway into being able to share more about Jesus with her, but I think the Lord just wanted he to see His love through my own words and actions (God-willing, this won't be the last time I, or another believer, will speak to her). At one point she also started telling me about a man that she read about who developed macular degenaration (retina damage, leading to loss of vision) one day woke up and couldn't see himself in the mirror. Then with tears in her eyes, she told me about the day she looked into the mirror, and could only see the white of her hair. But here's what really touched me deeply: she said, "I began to realize that the world would be a much better place if everyone were blind. People would be more kind, they wouldn't judge others...." I told her that I absolutely agree (flashback: "Colorblind" by MarQ Romero). She told me to come visit her anytime, and I pray that I will be able to. She kept thanking me/us for coming, and I just held her hand. I didn't wanna go, but I felt it was time, so until next time, please keep Gene in prayer.


    Worship....

    They genuinely appreciated it.
    God bless you Harry (and Noel, and Sandy, etc.)
    for the work that you do,
    for His glory.


    Then finally, yesterday evening Alana and I enjoyed a night out with some very awesome friends from her church. It was the first time either one of us went miniature golfing (since we were kids), and we truly had a blast! It was so much fun and I hope to do it again sometime as well.


    Lana got skills!


    Yes, that went in .


    Without you
    I would never have known what it felt like
    To be truly loved.
    "I never knew love,
    until you love."
    Thank you for loving me.

    I never knew two people could be so perfect for one another.

    Moments like last night are worth their weight in gold.


  • Kari Jobe, Christ for the Nations- My Beloved
    ..this made me cry..

    You're My Beloved
    You're My Bride
    To sing over you is My delight
    Come away with Me, My love

    Under My mercy
    Come and wait
    'Til we are standing face to face
    I see no stain on you, My child

    You're Beautiful to Me
    So Beautiful to Me

    I sing over you My song of peace
    Cast all your cares down at My feet
    Come and find your rest in Me

    I'll breathe My life inside of you
    I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
    And hide you in the shadow of My strength
    I'll take you to My quiet waters
    I'll restore your soul
    Come rest in Me and be made whole

    You're My beloved
    You're My Bride
    To sing over you is My delight
    Come away with Me, My love....

    When you look deep down into yourself, and into your heart, I don't know how you cannot be moved when you think about the love God has for us.

    You are so precious to Him, and He hurts for you to know that.

  • Nana sent me an awesome sermon called "Old School Faith" preached by Pastor Steven Furtick (don't be distracted by his cool fauxhawk, which I plan on getting in a few weeks): http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?sermon=187 ....It was a very encouraging sermon (and I do love the book of Daniel), and I just wanted to share some quotes:


    This made me laugh : “I don’t care whether you’re left wing or right wing, I wanna say this to the whole bird, alright? Left wing, right wing, check it out: only one kingdom will endure forever, the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.”

    “Real old school faith believes that God can, and expects that He will, but trusts Him even if He doesn’t.”

    “Stop searching for a faith that will keep you from the fire, and start embracing the God who is with you in the fire. Even if I don’t get the job I’ve been praying for, my faith is not conditional upon Your response Lord, my faith is conditional upon Your character, and some of you have stopped believing in God because you never believed God.” There’s a big difference..

    “But-You’re-still-God kind of faith”

    Funny story with the following punchline: “God did it and He made the devil pay for it” LOL .

    1 Peter 1:6-7: 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

     

    2 Corinthians 13:5: 5Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?

    Thanks so much for sharing that Nana, it was truly a blessing.

    -Ro

  • Been struggling with this a lot lately....

    When you start to feel like "it's not fair," meditate on these words (Pastor Dave Cortner preached on this two Sundays ago):


    Psalm 73, speak to me....
    (A psalm of Asaph)




    1Surely God is good to Israel,
           to those who are pure in heart.

     2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
           I had nearly lost my foothold.

     3 For I envied the arrogant
           when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

     4 They have no struggles;
           their bodies are healthy and strong.

     5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
           they are not plagued by human ills.

     6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
           they clothe themselves with violence.

     7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
           the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

     8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
           in their arrogance they threaten oppression.

     9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
           and their tongues take possession of the earth.

     10 Therefore their people turn to them
           and drink up waters in abundance.

     11 They say, "How can God know?
           Does the Most High have knowledge?"

     12 This is what the wicked are like—
           always carefree, they increase in wealth.

     13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
           in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.

     14 All day long I have been plagued;
           I have been punished every morning.

     15 If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
           I would have betrayed your children.

     16 When I tried to understand all this,
           it was oppressive to me

     17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
           then I understood their final destiny.

     18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
           you cast them down to ruin.

     19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
           completely swept away by terrors!

     20 As a dream when one awakes,
           so when you arise, O Lord,
           you will despise them as fantasies.

     21 When my heart was grieved
           and my spirit embittered,

     22 I was senseless and ignorant;
           I was a brute beast before you.

     23 Yet I am always with you;
           you hold me by my right hand.

     24 You guide me with your counsel,
           and afterward you will take me into glory.

     25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
           And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

     26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
           but God is the strength of my heart
           and my portion forever.

     27 Those who are far from you will perish;
           you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

     28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
           I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
           I will tell of all your deeds.



    (Not the greatest rendition I know, but I just love, and miss, playing.
    And anyways it's for my Lord .
    Battery ran out of the camera at the end....)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FObjd5wrgZ8
    ..quickly becoming one of my favorite worship songs..


    D-Day: September 14th.. coming up fast .

    Must work double time.
    Lord, please give me the
    FOCUS
    DISCIPLINE
    and
    MOTIVATION

    I can't let my parents work harder than I do. I adopted this from a basketball player named Sam Young. It especially hit home for me because both my parents kill themselves working for my brothers and me, so how can i NOT give 110% and work just as hard, if not harder, when it comes to my studies? This helps drive me and keep me focused.



    Hunni, do you know that I am crazy about you?


    Official Website Launch [[08.24.09]]: http://rowancv.webs.com/

  • Today, Dr. Barone ended class with an excerpt of a commencement speech Steve Jobs (co-founder & CEO of Apple) gave in 2005 at Stanford university. With all the stuff I've been through and am going through, it actually struck a really deep chord inside of me, and spoke to me very powerfully. Needless to say, it was inspiring. Here is the excerpt, and I can't thank Dr. Barone enough for caring enough to share this with us:

    "About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

    I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

    This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

    ...Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

    "Circle it, star it, tattoo it on your ankle." Enough said.

  • "We all pay a price for what we do and that’s right but when’s enough?
    When’s
    enough?.. ‘Coz I paid and you paid…. " -City By the Sea

    Photobucket

  • Know These Things: Shouldn't You

    You stung, as if you knew I'd sting right there
    And you shouldn't know these things, about me
    Abused, as if your pain would quench my fear
    How could you know these things, about me

    You shouldn't know, these things
    And be this awfully well in tune
    Go as if not aware, be like those others that assume
    You knew, and still you managed to find my stare
    You shouldn't know these things, about me

    You shouldn't know, these things
    And be this awfully well in tune
    Go as if not, aware
    Go on and be those that presume
    That they could know these things, about me

    Be as if not, aware
    Be mystified as this appears
    Lay still be as, my will
    And promise that you'll wait to kill
    And whisper you know these things
    Tell me you know these things
    Show me you know these things
    About me

    -Maxwell

  • I've always been all about my life being an open book, but it's funny, 'coz in recent years, apart from not having the time to, I think a part of the reason why I don't write nearly as much is because of Facebook (all my Xanga entries automatically transfer over to Facebook). Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it, because life is about relationships, and Facebook allows me to carry on tons of relationships that would otherwise have been lost over the years of distance and disappearance. But on the flip, I'm literally connected to eeeevvveerryone- grammar school, high school, college, med school, churches, family, ministries, dancers, musicians, artists, you name it. I used to talk so freely about so many things, but now the thought of someone I go to medical school with reading a piece I wrote about masturbation is like, whoa, hold up, lemme think about that! Or a Jewish classmate I went to high school with reading a piece about my faith in the Jewish Messiah is like, wait up, is that gonna offend him? Or my anguish about social injustices being read by family members or family friends who deep down know that I'm talking about people like them! It's an interesting thing, and I'll admit, it's made me hesitant. I also used to express myself intensely, but have lately found myself holding back on showing my anger, my bitterness, my depression, and even my joys! Why? Because I believe in being sensitive towards others, and my despairs and even my joys could at that very moment be mocking the emotional state of one of my FRIENDS. Careful. Gotta be very careful.

    But all that being said, I still believe and always will believe in the power of self-expression, the importance of being authentic, and the fact that my life and words are all ministry, pointing to a higher power and calling. I don't know when the last time was that I mentioned this but, do you know why Xanga is so near and dear to my heart? Why "blogging" is not a nerdy term to me and an act that I respect and very much appreciate? It's because of purpose. What's my purpose. When God literally shook my world, and broke me, I gave my life to Him, in 2004. True and ever so deep depression. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't. not. cry. Xanga was the "in" thing back then (it clearly isn't these days), but being the rebel that I am, I said I'd never get a Xanga. But at this stage in my life, I turned to Xanga to help me. I was hungry for God, and was desperate to hear His voice in any way that I could. I used Xanga to daily log the ways in which He was speaking to me, reaching out to me. The things that He said to me, and taught me. From the Word, from sermons, from books, from devotionals, from movies, from divine appointments, from any and everything. And I'd look back on them, ever so often, to REMIND ME.... to keep me alive.

    That's why I purchased Xanga for LIFE. I can never lose those entries. Because they help define such an important and critical time in my life. My entries have changed and matured and varied since then, but this will always be a part of my life. Writing. Sharing. Living. In Christ.

    Today.. today, today, today.. I'll be completely honest. I've been struggling. Spiritually. Because at the end of the day, that's what's important- you're spiritual state. The state all other states feed into (emotional, social, financial, etc.), for better or for worse. And well, let me start off with medical school. Ever since beginning this journey, my road has been tortuous, with some pretty darn difficult mountains to climb over, or get around? I've failed 2 semesters. Taken medical leave in another. Bringing me to a grand total of 7 semesters in the Caribbean (2 years and 4 months). Grace, grace, mercy, mercy, MERCY. These are the things that have carried me through, no doubt. At the beginning of my 8th semester (which was my 5th semester grade-wise), I literally said to myself, there's no way I am going to get to the end of this. I cracked under the pressure. The stupid medical culture of intimidation and belittling. I was beginning each day in tears in my car, and ending each day with tears, in my car... Hillsongs' "Let the Peace of God Reign" was played probably an average of 5 times a day in my car stereo. The fact I got through is truly a miracle in my eyes. And now, I have this exam called the Comp to pass. I need to pass this exam to qualify me, as a Ross student, to take my board exam, the USMLE Step 1. I get 3 chances to take it, and I've already failed twice.

    Yeah, it's scary to think about failing it when I take it in either August or September, but what also gets to me is.... how blank my mind is. BLANK. As in, I don't know anything (!). My awesome, awesome friends, supporters, and prayer partners- they will dispute this to no end. But I have this horrible feeling that I just cannot shake, and I know I can't shake it because it's the truth. That I'm not even close to where I ought to be. Either you're gonna say that I know more than I think or give myself credit for, or you will tell me to just shut up and study. Which I really should do, but, self-expression, for me, at least for now.. please? Okay. Studying has been going awful. Much of it is due to things not sticking, and me not being focused and motivated. Leading me to other issues....

    As much as I try to be strong in front of my family, the way they treat Alana and me pierces deep. Their attitudes toward our relationship make me sick, bitter, and most of all, angry. In theory, I know how I ought to react to everything, but in reality I'm as human as it gets, and a weak one at that. More than any other time in my life, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet, but I remarkably cannot. All I have to show is an embarrassingly poor performance in medical school, an inability to pay my monthly bills, and a totally unstable spirit. Finances- they have been painful. I literally live day to day, selling basketball cards on eBay for money. The economy has killed my chances at getting any loans (my bad credit was a co-conspirator). I want to get a job but my mom scolded my about that, saying that I should study instead, and she is even in the process of enrolling me into a Kaplan course in NYC (so that I can't work even if I wanted to). She doesn't have the money for this, but somehow says she will find a way to pay for it. So now how am I going to pay for my car note and insurance? It's tight, and it's real. And if medical school doesn't work out, just the thought of my financial debt is extremely depressing.

    But at the end of the day, what dominates my mind, and weighs the heaviest on my heart, is the feeling of being suffocated. I'm constantly told over and over and over again that I can't please everybody, and shouldn't try to please everybody. Maybe. But umm, can I say this?: I kinda laugh at that now. Because when you throw LOVE into the mix, well that just goes and complicates the whole recipe doesn't it. And if you don't know what I mean, then either I just can't get you to understand my love, or there is something seriously wrong with the way that I, love. I care. I'd give my life. The eternal struggle to find a balance in my actions continues.

    God. And I mean that as GOD. I'm ashamed to say this, but man, I've been kinda distant. Not that I don't talk to Him daily or immerse myself in spiritual things, no.... I guess I can put it this way: last night Alana reminded me of the verse that says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). I don't think He's delighted in me at all. With my anger, envy, bitterness, groanings, complaints, justifications. My constant wishing for more, and not being thankful for what I do have- an incredibly blessed life that I take for granted. But the sadness is powerful. It's consuming (!). I'm telling you. Or maybe I don't need to tell you. But the sadness, is powerful.

    I need to get it together once more. I need to R.E.S.E.T. once more. My state has also taken a toll on my physical body. I've put on weight like you wouldn't believe. Well, I wouldn't blame it all on my state, because it's also heavily due to the frustrating fact that I have nowhere to work out. And I truly believe that your physical state plays into your mental and emotional state. So I take that back because I had it backwards (!), mostly. Sigh, it is so frustrating though. I love working out and being healthy, and that part of my life is just non-existent right now. All I do is eat. And try and try and try to study. And look for ways to make money. And wish that so many things could just be different.

    I'm a work in progress. And despite it all, I know that I would be a fool to have it done any other way than God's way. At the end of the day, I love Him with all of my heart, and I absolutely trust Him. Which is why I will never leave Him, and praise God I know He will never leave me. Or you! Amen and amen and amen and amen. My family will be home soon, so I'm done for now. Oh, one last thing: I've been wanting to post my engagement video here on Xanga, but am having a hard time finding a place that will host 81 MB (the size of the video) for free. I'll post it as soon as I can. Xanga will always be awesome. My life will always be an open book. And Jesus will ALWAYS love you.

    -Ro

  • APRIL 2009 IN MIAMI


    04/09/09: Passover with Bet Hesed (House of Grace) Congregation

    Same day as our Final Exam, so I drove there afterward, and it was a nice way to unwind and reflect on God's grace and goodness with my spiritual family.

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    Right-most pic: my good friends Oz "the Hebrew," Piero, Gigi, & Gigi's brother.
    It was such a blessing being welcomed by your whole congregation and getting to know you all .


    04/13/09: Dr. Seinfeld's Office

    Zhen and I went back to the site of our 1st rotation in North Miami Beach. We were so, so blessed to have landed a rotation with these truly awesome people.

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    Definitely gotta thank Dr. Seinfeld for not making our 1st rotation a painful one.
    And we also got to work with Tyree and Linda Davis, who were so incredibly chill.
    Among their 3 sons is Ricky Davis, an NBA player for the LA Clippers!

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    Pam, an assistant to Dr. Seinfeld at the office and at home,
    and last but not least, my man Joe (!) the super cool pharmacist.

    04/21/09: Last Day of UMBR with Dr. Kudrath

    Life-changing. Enlightening. Refreshing. All these and more. I can't say enough about what Dr. Kudrath did for my mental state, in terms of me being a medical student. Definitely now the BEST teacher I've ever had to date.

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    Puneet's drawing of Dr. Kudrath,
    and yes, I had him sign my notebook (being the autograph nut that I am)!!
    "There is only heart in greatness."
    This means so much to me, because I always used to tell myself:
    well, I know I have plenty of heart, but I just don't have the brains (!).
    The thing is, when you've got heart, everything else will follow.

    04/21/09: Fishing with Robin!
    Got a chance to go fishing for the FIRST TIME with Alana's uncle, Robin. I actually REALLY like it! Would love to go again sometime. Robin: thanks for taking out a whole day to spend time with me dude, I totally appreciate it!!


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    Airplane Art:
    " JESUS LOVES U" & "TRUST JESUS"
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    My first catch was pathetic! Hahha!! The smallest thing ever! It was basically fish bait.
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    My 2nd (and last ) catch was a little bit better !.
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    Pretty-looking fish Robin caught- looked like it should have been in someone's acquarium, LOL.
    He threw it back into the water.
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    Met a bunch of nice people that day at the pier, including this kid. He was showin' me some stuff,
    since he's been fisihing since he was basically born. That's one of the fish he caught.
    I also met this woman, whose husband had passed away 2 years earlier on that day. When I asked her what she was doing there, she took out a bag that contained his ashes, and right before me she grabbed a handful, threw it out into the wind, and allowed it to scatter out into the water. It was such an amazing thing to witness. We had some great conversation, and one thing she told me, was to never go to bed until an argument was resolved with your significant other- don't sweat the little/trivial things, because in the grander scheme of things, of life, it just so isn't worth it. As she walked away, I just prayed for her, and asked God to bless and watch over her, now that she is "alone."
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    Left: I caught it, I eat it . And Right: Can you say "fish market"?
    Robin cooked up a real nice dinner!


    04/25/09: American Airlines Arena- Miami Heat Playoff Game!

    My first ever playoff game! Shoutout to Riz for hooking us up with tickets and super great seats!! Alana, Riz, and I had tons of fun, and Wade was killin'!! Well, here's a few pics from when Lana arrived at the airport that day, us eating at Cheeseburger Baby in Miami Beach, and then pics from the actual game:


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    It's kinda blurry, but that was ESPN Analyst Stephen A. Smith.
    Then a shot D-Wade made, and a SUPER SICK throw-down
    by Wade that I was SO SUPED to catch on camera!! LOL.
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    Middle pic: there was some guy breakdancing on the court- hard to see in the pic though, I know.
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    And finally!!: 04/26/09....... that'll be for another whole entire and separate post .

    Okay, now back to studying. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY AND MY FRIENDS' COMP EXAM ON MONDAY!!!! THANKS SO MUCH, and God bless.

    -Ro

  • Should Christians observe the Biblical, Jewish Holidays?
    Dr. Brown

    It is increasingly common for Gentile Christians to celebrate the biblical, Jewish holidays, and there are many commendable reasons for doing so. Here are a few:

    (1) The biblical holy days are infused with spiritual and prophetic significance. Passover corresponds to Yeshua's death (1 Corinthians 5:7-8), Firstfruits to His resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:20), and the Festival of Weeks (Shavu'ot, or Pentecost) corresponds to the giving of the Spirit (Acts 2:1-4). Trumpets points to the Lord's return with the sound of the trumpet (see Matthew 24:31; 1 Corinthians 15:52; 1 Thessalonians 4:16; Revelation 11:15), the Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur) points to Israel's final cleansing (Zechariah 13:1, which follows from Zechariah 12:10 ff.), and Tabernacles (Sukkot) points to the final ingathering of the nations (see Zechariah 14:16-19; see also Revelation 7:9 and Leviticus 23:40, for palm branches and Tabernacles).

    (2) The biblical holy days have great historic significance. Although the Messianic significance of the biblical holy days is certainly of greater significance to Christians than is the historical significance, the origin and meaning of these holy days in Israel's history is also important. So, if it is okay to celebrate Thanksgiving and July 4th in America and to remember the events connected with those days, how can it be wrong to remember Israel's deliverance from Egypt in the Passover? When connecting this season to the death and resurrection of Yeshua, it can be very powerful.

    (3) Celebrating the biblical holy days is a good way to teach about God's acts of redemption. Paul freely made reference to the holy days when writing to the Corinthians, making a spiritual application of Passover in 1 Corinthians 5:7-8 and possibly referencing Firstfruits directly in 1 Corinthians 15:20; notice also how Luke casually made reference to Yom Kippur (the Fast) in Acts 27:9, assuming his readers would understand. Yet many Christians today do not understand these references, being so divorced from the Jewish roots of the faith. Celebration of the holy days-or at the least, annual teaching about them-is a good way to educate a whole congregation, from the young to the old.

    (4) Celebrating the biblical holy days is a good way to recover the Jewish roots of the Christian faith. It is absolutely clear that everything that God does is summed up in His Son Jesus, that our Messiah and King is to have centrality in every way, and that our fullness is found in Him rather than in celebrating holy days or observing special seasons. That being said, the Church has become so Gentilized, so detached from its biblical, Jewish origins, that an appreciation for the biblical, Jewish calendar-the calendar of Yeshua and the apostles-is certainly helpful. To give one example, think of the positive benefits of calling churches to fast and pray for the salvation of Jewish people worldwide on the Day of Atonement, a day when millions of Jews are fasting and asking God to forgive their sins. What's wrong with doing that?

    Having said all this, it is important to emphasize that many believers do get caught up in unhealthy practices associated with the celebration of the feasts, and there are some direct warnings in the New Testament. In light of this, it is important to remember that: (1) Celebration of the biblical feasts is not a means for a Gentile believer to "become Jewish." Jews and Gentiles have equal standing in the Lord, and Jews are not called to become Gentiles nor are Gentiles called to become Jews. (2) Jesus must be central in everything we do (this cannot be overemphasized.) (3) Celebration of the feasts is not commanded in the New Testament and should not be practiced in a binding or legalistic way.

    This was addressed by Paul when expressing his concern about the Galatians: "You are observing special days and months and seasons and years! I fear for you, that somehow I have wasted my efforts on you" (Galatians 4:10-11). What was the problem? While commentators point out different nuances of the text, it seems clear that the Galatians thought that they were required to observe "special days and months and seasons and years," and, worse still, they thought that in doing so, they would increase their spiritual standing in the Lord. Neither of these is true!

    Paul addressed a related phenomenon in Colossians 2:16-17 (NLT): "So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules are only shadows of the reality yet to come. And Christ himself is that reality." (When Paul called on the Corinthians to "keep the Passover" in 1 Corinthians 5, he was clearly speaking of this in spiritual terms.)

    So, let everything we do as believers find its fullness in Yeshua, let no celebration or observance be done in a binding way, let no believers judge one other based on their observance or non-observance, let no one feel "unspiritual" if they get nothing out of the celebration of the feasts-and if the Lord puts it in your heart to celebrate the feasts, then be blessed in that celebration.

    As for Jewish believers in Jesus, it is my view that similar principles apply, since we are not required by God to follow the biblical calendar as new covenant believers. (I'm sure some of you differ with me here, so feel free and email me with your differences, bearing in mind that in the course of a short article like this, I cannot get into lengthy theological and exegetical discussions to back up every point I make.)

    That being said, many Messianic Jews do feel a calling to follow the biblical calendar for the purposes of covenantal solidarity with the Jewish community, preservation of their heritage, Jewish outreach, and family life cycle, among other things. I would only urge my fellow Messianic Jews to reflect on the previous paragraphs, regardless of their particular convictions, since it is God's will that "in everything [Yeshua] might be preeminent" (Col 1:18, ESV). Therefore whatever we do must ultimately glorify Him.

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