My goodness money goes by so quickly. Evaporates like thin air. Kind of depressing.

So I was sitting in my car, in front of the Graham residence in Newark, waiting for Alana to get home. Decided to read a few passages in 2 Corinthians in my Bible, and focused in on a passage that seriously elates me because it actually explains the Gospel to a "T":

"God has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ AND has given us the ministry of reconciliation with one another." -2 Corinthians 5:18

On my facebook I stated that it may quite possibly be my new favorite Scripture (but picking a favorite is near impossible). As I sat there in awe at The Word, "O Little Town of Bethlehem" began playing on my iPod/car stereo (instrumental), and for some reason I just look up and outside.. and it's snowing!!

I don't know why it made such an impact on me. It wasn't major at all and the snow didn't stick.... but for some reason I thought right then and there: "That was quite a moment."

I started morning practices on Nov. 8 at the NBK Studio with Kat. Sai joined us the next day, and since then the 3 of us have consistently practiced for at least 2 hrs, 3x weekly. It works perfectly for me because afterward I still have the rest of the day to study, and also, I am with people that I know and am comfortable with- otherwise, as it has been in the past, I would feel out of place, intimidated, and less motivated to do anything when I am at a large practice with really skilled bboys that I do not know personally. These sessions have been my first in about 5 or 6 years, and the first time I probably ever really practiced the right way. I am starting from the bottom up, and am working on solid foundation. Kat and Sai have been extremely helpful and patient with me, from working on freezes to toprocks to footwork. I wish I had this kind of guidance early on in my dancing career, but it's better late than never. I've come to realize that there is no workout quite like breakdancing. Endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, technique. In only 2 weeks I've distinctly felt my core strengthen, and it's a feeling that running and working out at the gym had never given me. And I know I am only going to get stronger if I can keep this up. In the past, nobody ever taught me proper foundation and technique, and my dancing has pretty much been me just trying to emulate moves I saw other people do. I'd put them in sets without ever really understanding how or why they worked. To be honest, I never even worked for a move- I only did moves and movements that I could pick up immediately, and if I couldn't, I quit- so in a sense, this is the first time I've actually really practiced. Hearing stories of how Kat, Sai, and Rival got to where they are- blood, sweat, tears, bruises and injuries- encourage me to keep going, because I have aches and bruises all over my body in only these short weeks. I've had to buy a wrist wrap, I've got callouses on my palms (I never need lotion but I definitely had to go out and buy some), bruises on both knees, bruises around my hip area (from stabbing), multiple muscle and joint aches, and shoulder pains. These are good pains though, and I trust that it's only part of a process that leads to success. When I'm at practice, I push myself further than I normally would, and though the body pains might tempt me to think that it's pointless to try, my friends and their positive spirit encourage me. Constant repetition, grit and patience, pushing for another run-through despite being out of breath. I'm nowhere near where I want to be with my dancing, and who knows if I will ever get there, but at least I know I will have tried. If anything, it's been such a blessing fellowshipping and getting to know Kat and Sai and other friends that I come across along the way. Since I often look back on my old xanga entries to remember seasons and experiences in my life, I thought it'd be good to write about this. The battle continues on every front.

It's Friday, and the library at Seton Hall is empty (I love it when the library is empty)- I've got the whole Italian Studies room to myself. It's cold, but I like it that way. I'm a bit lonely, with a lot of thoughts passing through my mind, but I'm listening to Christmas music to help keep my spirits up. Though I'm feeling kinda sad for some reason, this picture from two nights ago makes me smile:

Lord, please give me divine energy, drive, focus, discipline, and motivation. Please help me to wisely balance my life's passions and priorities. Please guide and direct me, please give me clarity, please let me see improvements from my efforts, and please cut me a few major breaks. I hope that doesn't sound ungrateful or selfish, but I know You know what I mean. Please remove all fear from my heart and let me walk in Your confidence and peace. Thank You for being here with me in the library. Love, Ro.

It was very wet this morning, and my car spun out of control 180 degrees on a curvy bend. First of all, I admit that in the past I've been a very aggressive driver, but after many lessons I've changed many of my bad habits and calmed down a whole lot. Well, on my way to the gym (and I was so close to not going today because I felt so lazy but I just forced myself to go), a black car switched onto my lane behind me and started tailing me. Okay, I can understand that this person wants to go fast and I happen to be on the left, "fast," lane- fine. So initially I don't speed up, since I'm already going 15 above the speed limit. I keep driving just waiting for an open spot for me to switch to the right lane. I see one up ahead, between two trucks, as we are making this sharp rounded turn on the highway. So just as we are making this turn, with this person right up on my back bumper, I step on the accelerator to speed up away from the black car, with every intention of switching lanes as soon as I get the opportunity to. But the moment I step on my accelerator, I lose control of my car. I swerve and jerk the wheel on instinct, thinking I might end up skidding off the road and onto the grass on my left side, but instead I begin to spin (!!!). Now, as I was spinning, I was just waiting for the worst to happen- for a car or truck to hit me, and I braced myself for both an impact collision and for my car to tumble a few times. It all happened so fast. I didn't slam on my brakes, but rather I applied them gradually as I spun, and then I realized that the worry about getting hit by another vehicle was over, but now my worry was hitting the metal railing bracing the shoulder. As I continued to skid, I remember thinking, "Damn, my front is gonna get totaled by this railing. Where will I get the money...," and then I finally hit it, heard the impact and cringed, and braked to a complete stop. It happened so fast that I was still able to see, with my peripheral vision, the black car speed away as fast as it could. I ended up facing completely the other way (180 degrees, as I mentioned) on the other lane's shoulder (it was a very narrow shoulder by the way, so that part of my car was still on the main highway). I saw a truck coming towards me, and for some reason my first instinct was to hit my hazard lights. Needless to say, the truck swerved around me and did not hit me. "What the HECK just happened?!" I thought, with the smell of burning rubber fresh inside my car. "Should I check out the damage? No, this lane's too narrow, you need to get out of here." So with the coast clear, I turned my car around back onto the highway and pulled over a few moments later on a wider stretch of shoulder area. I was dreading to see the damage to my car, but I kept telling myself, "Sonn, the fact that you were even able to drive away from that incident is a miracle in itself! You just so happened to spin out of control between two trucks, and not beside one of them. You also happened to spin and stop right on a shoulder area without tumbling over. Whatever the damage may be, you have LOTS to be thankful for!" Got out the car, and inspected the front side area, and found nothing but a long black scratch on it (plus other lighter scratches and two small partings that I didn't notice at first)- but no dents, broken lights, or pieces falling off!! I immediately inspected the other areas of my car just to be sure, and I said to myself, "Wow, I'll take that!" I'm very OCD when it comes to a lot of things, especially my car. The smallest scratch will piss me off (because hey, I am still paying a lot of good, hard earned money for this car). But I kept replaying the entire moment right then and there, and my overwhelming thought was, "This could have been much worse. Be thankful. All things considering, this is definitely one scar/scratch on my car that I think I can live with. If anything, it will always remind me now of God's protection and faithfulness." I got back in my car, closed my eyes: "Thank You Lord."

I drove off and proceeded to the gym, but when I go there I parked at the far end of the mall parking lot, and contemplated for about 30 minutes. "I'm happy just to be alive, forget the gym I should go eat! Naw man, you made it to the gym safely, so work out hard and make this one count." If you read a former post, you'd already know that my thinking is often times bipolar. But then I just sat there, reflecting, wondering why God either did this or allowed this to happen. I kept telling myself that nothing happens without God's permission, and that everything happens for a reason. Why.... I've been struggling with a lot of things lately. And this experience made me think: "This spiritual battle has never felt more real." It was a little scary, at first thought. I am convinced, as silly as it might sound, that the devil was driving that black car (or a demon/demon-possessed person or whatever). BUT GOD. I was listening to Psalty songs on the way to the gym, and as the songs continued to play as I sat there in the parking lot, I heard these lyrics: "All through the day and night, we're in His hands." God's hands were on me, and on my car, keeping me safe. This dismissed my fears, and gave me an exhilarating sense of strength and confidence. If anything at all was just slightly off (placing, timing, etc.), things could have been much worse. It's a wonder how He kept me (and my car) in one piece. I am so, so thankful. On my drive back home, on the opposite side of the highway, as I drove through that bend, I looked back onto the side where my car had spun. The reason why that metal railing was there on the shoulder was because immediately beyond the railing, the ground slopes very steeply down!! (yikes!) I didn't notice it before (or ever) because of all the trees. But if my car had hit the railing hard enough to break it and skid beyond it, or even if the railing had not been there in the first place to help my car stop.... wow, scary thought.... anyway, as I sat there in the parking lot, I also realized that God is trying to further get my attention with regard to a lot of things going on in my life. I'm still trying my best to distinguish, and listen to, His voice. Whoever might be reading this, I still need your continued prayers. This particular season has been one of the most difficult. I have lacked and have fallen short in many areas. The confusion and questions, the heavy consequences, both present and future, have all taken its toll on me. And yet, with all that I have left I willingly take up my cross, once again, and I follow Him, Jesus Christ my Master. Thank You Lord for watching over one such as me. In all humility I praise and thank You.... I love You.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with Truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

And your feet shod with the preparation of the Gospel of peace;

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God:

Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.