this is long overdue, and is not meant to glorify myself in any way (for i am nothing apart from Him), but purely serves as a testimony of God's amazing goodness and faithfulness. i just wanna start this thing by sharing one of the more powerful verses that i've read this past semester from exodus chapter 14. in this chapter, the israelites find themselves trapped between the red sea and pharao's armies who want to destroy them. God has just delivered them out of slavery in Egypt; they have just witnessed God's power in an amazing way during the course of the plagues and even more during the Passover. yet here they were, groaning and complaining to moses and even more, doubting God's ability to deliver them. understandable from a humanly perspective. here is verse 13 to intro and then verse 14: ¹³And Moses said unto the people, Fear
ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will
shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye
shall see them again no more for ever. ¹⁴The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. i read these verses on a night when i, once again, continually entertained thoughts of depression, fear, and doubt in my life. as soon as i read verse 14, it kinda just hit me like someone sticking a 90, hollow, airchair thread combo in my face. you know what it said to me? it said, "ro, God is gonna get you through this, and when He does, He is gonna shut you up so badly." man, i held on to that verse so tightly from that night on.

i gotta make an extremely long (and probably indescribable) story relatively short. my first semester alone in dominica stretched me mentally, socially, physically, and perhaps most importantly, spiritually, in ways that i never thought possible. one of my then third semester friends would constantly tell me that the only reason she was still there was by the grace of God. she'd tell me that so many time she thought she wouldn't make it, then God would show her a miracle, and i knew she meant that because i could see it in her eyes. i'd always respond by saying i wish i could say that one day. well, today is that day: the only reason i made it through this semester, was by the grace of God. ive got a whole entourage of miracles, both small and great, to add to my already lengthy life-long list. one particular one that i can't pass up mentioning came with my final grades. i came out of my final (which was gonna make or break me) and i didnt wanna see anybody. i studied my head off yet i still bombed it. over half of my answers were straight up educated or purely raw guesses. there was no way; it was such a hard exam. i hit the gym to blow some steam and a friend of mine just randomly told me not to worry because he mentioned me in his prayers the night before. i told him my situation and he said it's all good because sometimes, when he prays, he asks God to bless his guesses. here's what i'm thinking at this point: "thanks man, i appreciate that, but there is no way that that can ever happen to me. bless my guesses? with the amount of guessing i had to do on that final, psh, there is just no way." fast forward to a few days ago when the answers got sent out (before official grades are given, we are allowed to check our own exam answers; they provide you your answers and an answer key). as i go down the questions, i'm just waiting for a column of continuous wrong answers. my heart is like pounding and my hands are half shaking over my keyboard. i'd get one wrong here and there, but nothing like i expected. i'd go through a grip of right answers and i'm thinking, this is crazy, not possible (!) and i'm waiting and waiting for a stretch of bad news. im double checking the form (ok, form C is right, let me keep going). and i get to the end and i'm pretty much laughing and crying at the same time (yeah, it's that serious). in one case i had about 10 seconds left at the end of the exam and i didn't even have time to read the questions (and they were physiology questions, one of my danger subjects). that was one of those chunks that i purely guessed on and what do you know, God blessed my guesses. so many guesses. the only reason i made it through this semester, was by the grace of God. going back to that passage in exodus, He shut me up with my mouth wide open.

but wait.. who wants a doctor that guesses on exams? i know i wouldn't. and to think that semester 1 is the easiest of 10 semesters. i definitely still have a crazy long way to go. and i told God that i don't want to be a doctor if i cant be good at it (because it's not about me and the millions of reasons i can think of as to why being a doctor would be good for my personal life; it's about being a Christian doctor who can minister to the body and spirit of people effectively). that's why i am praying that everything will click somewhere within the next semester or so. but at this point i want so badly for you to know that God is good, that God does not forsake His own. He knows how to honor a heart that utterly tries to please and obey Him, a life that is lived in complete surrender. i told lana (my girlfriend), "me and God's been through so much this past semester." ...somebody once told me that no one back home is gonna be able to fully understand what we go through, being medical students in a third-world country. and i think it's true. but on the same token, while we get stretched and twisted in unrighteous ways, i can at least speak for myself when i say that God finds ways to bless me in ways He otherwise couldn't (if i did not come to dominica). to mention only a few: ♦ i was able to get involved with rcf's (ross Christian fellowship's) praise & worship team (keyboard baby). ♦ i realized even more how much larger this world we live in really is. it's a world of worlds. the same way going to the philippines changed me or how going to israel & the middle east might change an american, it makes you see things differently, and definitely helps you appreciate our lifestyle in the US so much more. ♦ i was able to effectively change my horrible diet and inconsistent workouts into something much healthier (i wanna personally thank Jesus for that because i've been trying for years). ♦ i was forced to learn even more what it means to trust God and God alone in living my life, since i pretty much left every support group i knew upon coming to the island. my list of God's goodness is neverending. yet it's extremely humbling, because i know that i still constantly fail Him. in my pride, selfishness, slothfulness, lust, and stupidity, or whatever it is. in my utter unworthiness, He remains faithful. that's why i'm always posting up that line from "amazing grace" that says it was grace that brought me safe thus far, and only grace will lead me home.

thank yous..: to my mom and dad no doubt. i mean, things is always complicated, but at the end of the day i know that you both truly love me and would do just about anything for me if i needed it. to my blood brothers for holdin' it down while im gone and always prayin' for me and believing in me. to my family everywhere. lana, i wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. there will not be enough words to express to you in this entry alone, but you continually put up with all of the sacrifices that come along with being rowan's girlfriend. any other girl would have split, become selfish, or proven to be unfaithful. but baby you are golden and i'd trade nothing and no one in the world for you. you've been by my side since the very beginning and you are still here through all of the uncertainty. i honestly cannot make it through any of this without you and i promise you that what we are waiting for will be more than worth the wait. thank you for who you are and thank you for your strength. some people find it hard to believe that we are making it through this time of separation, but you and i are not suprised or afraid at all. its so deep on so many levels, and a lotta things will only be understood between you and me. you make me happy, you give me peace of mind, and it is a joy to call you mine. mahal na mahal kita and i'm gonna make every moment count while i am back. and now a HUGE thank you to everyone who continues to keep me in their prayers (in this day and age i know we all need it, so know that i make time to pray for you all as well*): everyone in r.e.s.e.t., everyone at sha'ar Adonai, luke & jewel, ozy & lawrence, jaimeo & frumisha, old friends i grew up with (or watched me grow up), my RU & central jersey peoples, people who read & comment on my xanga, and everyone else i may have forgotten (sorry) or don't even know about. believe me, the prayers help. i mean sometimes it just takes me remembering that you are all praying for me to get me through a difficult moment. i dont take your prayers for granted at all, and i ask God to give me the grace to stay fervent in my prayers for all of you. thank you to margaret d. & katrina austria (!) for all your invaluable time, advice, and help. last but oh definitely not the least, i gotta, gotta, got to (!) thank my friends down in dominica. God has blessed me with some truly amazing and great friends down at ross. so thank you in no particular order to: michelle (my first friend), viktor, tif, michelle t., bobby, christian, isoke, enrique, michael, vidya, cynthia, irvin, steve, sarah, jasmeet, claris, raul, jay, berryl, jung, elizabeth (both of you), shiva, john, ryan, nica, eric, charles, jordan, tony, sana, david, honore (security guard) and definitely countless others (including trev, jani, my man pancho, dennis, pastor ed and his wife sister cindy). i know this ain't no composite list of names of all my beautiful friends down there, but those that i've tried to mention by name have taken precious time out to encourage me during a time when i really needed it, to tutor me when they could have been doing their own studying, to share resources with me, to hook me up, or to simply just get to know me on a deeper level. i made it through 1st semester because of you guys. i probably forgot to mention a few more but that's my bad and it doesn't diminish what ya'll mean to me. hope ive been just as good to you all.

i dunno how the story will end. but like ive said before, no matter what happens in the future, whether i do end up failing out anyway or whether i can actually make it to graduation day, i'm glad God put me in this place for a season. im gonna end this with the best advice i received from pastor ed this past semester. he said during one particular sermon early on in the semester, that sometimes we just need to be still, and know that He is God (psalms 46:10). i'm tellin' you, when i actually remember to do this, and i stop myself in the midst of.. everything.. His power, presence, and peace.. it takes out every distraction, everything that i think is important, and reminds me that there is a bigger, eternal picture. a bigger, eternal, Savior. Lord God of goodness and grace, let Your glory fall, and continue to lead us all home....*

im back in jersey (dec.16-23;dec.28/29ish-jan.4)

my bro. never cut my cell phone so my # is still the same until i leave on the 4th

i wanna see as many ppl as i can before i have to leave again and i will try my super best to make time for all of you

i have so much to say (!!) so this will be tbc....

it wasnt war per se, but sometimes it feels like im coming home from one

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Reality check: 95 percent of Americans had premarital sex
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/12/19/premarital.sex.ap/index.html

this entry is kind of late, but this link from my brother's xanga is worth reading..

http://www.xanga.com/rvalenzuela/552032289/item.html

last night as i was waiting for transport i heard the rcf special choir singing "carol of the bells" ...that gave me a pretty deep feeling of calm.. or maybe it was nostalgia, but in either case, there's just something about Christmas music.. kinda makes me happy. no forreal, it does.. it was cool.

when i got home i continued reading the book of exodus (yeah, i'm still on it). my goodness, the way in which God revealed His power & glory in those days. chapter 14. a strong east wind blowing all night to part the red sea. a pillar of cloud keeping the egyptians & israelites apart. gotta stay on it.

last night, i sang the Song of Moses.

7 students were baptized today in the caribbean sea on a beach shore right on campus.. it was crazy beautiful. made me wish i was getting baptized again too.. peoples' testimonies were encouraging; inspiring even.. pastor ed looked like john the baptist out there. sun was out and the weather was awesome.

i have good friends here at ross. i'm thankful for all of you guys, and i notice and appreciate it very much when you're trying to help me keep my head up.. i know we're all goin' through this together and i'm not the only one dealin' with stress.. i want us all to make it. i really do.

כִּי אָנֹכִי יָדַעְתִּי אֶתהַמַּחֲשָׁבֹת, אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי חֹשֵׁב
עֲלֵיכֶםנְאֻםיְהוָה מַחְשְׁבוֹת שָׁלוֹם וְלֹא לְרָעָה, לָתֵת לָכֶם
אַחֲרִית וְתִקְוָה

we played this song at church today and it's been in my head ever since.. "consuming fire" by tim hughes.. i never heard it before we started practicing it, but it's one of those songs that can get you lost in praise, easily. i love it. and i love playing for p&w. one of my few joys down here.

you know, no matter what happens, i'm glad God brought me here. ive been changed in many ways. and every day i hope and pray that i am fulfilling His purpose in bringing me here. i could definitely do a lot of things better, and everyday i live with fears that i probably shouldn't have, but i gave up control of my life a long time ago.

so what am i afraid of?

Rely On Self Study

Are you caught up? I'm never caught up.

Too much information, too little time.

I've never felt so guilty for sleeping.

I've never been so anal about time wasted.

Only Filipinos would think of this: Filipino Union at Ross University (FU Ross)

Positivity keeps the mind sane.

Being in God's perfect will keeps the heart comforted.

I miss "home."

I miss White Castle.

I count my blessings.

Oh, and P&W practice for Ross Christian Fellowship makes me feel like I'm at R.E.S.E.T.

I miss 22 East at 2 o'clock in the morning.... and it's hard getting used to zero sleep and information overload.

I thought this was cool....

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If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.