March 21, 2010

• I understand cutters, burners, people who turn to self-mutilation for escape. Again, I don't think I could do this, but I think I understand them. On Friday, once more I was undergoing such a deep and heavy depression. I decided to eat before Cafe Urbana, since I hadn't eaten anything but cereal all day. I burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth with the sweet and sour chicken I bought. As I drove back to Jersey City, the pain increased, and I even had to remove burned pieces that were peeling off inside my mouth. And as I was doing that, while driving, I realized that I was so focused on this pain, that my chest wasn't heavy anymore. My heart wasn't in as much pain. And I said, "So that's why they do it." I used to think it was crazy, but I don't anymore.

  I've also flirted with taking anti-anxiety or anti-depression drugs. Narcotics. The way my friend described it the other night at the diner- how and how much it helps him- was very tempting. I could use a drug that will take that heaviness in my chest away and make me feel all right and calm again. I could use that, but there are risks of addiction and dependence, and I'm already the type to not want drugs in my body. The type to stay away from them as much as possible. I'm not saying it's wrong- heck, I may even need them, medically speaking (I'm pretty sure I do actually). But I'm trying to resist.

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  R.E.S.E.T. @ Cafe Urbana
  

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  Remember....

  "Don't get stuck focusing on the situation but truly realize that God is bigger than THIS. He will carry you out of it. He will. hold tightly to it... But being stuck in depression or in a state where my focus is in myself, is sooooo soooo destructive. I know how it is brother. I know how it feels, to bang on the wall, screaming for healing, singing songs of deliverance and feeling.....nothing....silence...But God will appear. Cry out. The holy spirt grieves for you at this time brother. Do not quench the spirit in self pity, brother. Believe in the power. Take a step back and breathe. Read Job. At the end of the chapter, God basically says I AM GOD. I created everything. Lean on me." -Dave W.

  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." ~Philippians 4:6... when God removes something from your grasp, it is so that your hands can be free to receive something better. don't lose heart." -unnieeee

  "I pray that you do feel the presence of our Dad in Heaven and that He gives you peace... I know that this might not be comforting. I pray that it is. But Romans 8:28 is true. "All things work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose." You love the Lord. You are called to His purpose. He will glorify this brother. I know when I hurt, I cry out to God because I can't see how he will work it out for good. In fact, I don't even see any good at all in those times. The Lord is faithful, and I have never seen Him fail." -Ethan

  "Though you know God is all-powerful - your situation looks so hopeless, that you start doubting whether or not God can really deliver you out of such a dire, extreme and hopeless situation. You are so overwhelmed by the hopelessness of the situation - that you start forgetting how powerful God really is and that He does have the power to be able to fully heal you - no matter how grave the situation may appear. Just know that, "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (Luke 18:27)" -Lisa

  "'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts' (Isaiah 55:9). Every person has things they're believing for, situations they want to see changed, and dreams God has placed in their hearts. But sometimes, we try to figure out how it's all going to happen. If we're not careful, we'll put God in a box and try to tell Him how to do it, when to do it, and where to do it. Today's scripture tells us that God's ways are not our ways. They are higher and better than our ways. If you don't get your way, if things don't happen on your timetable, instead of getting discouraged, why don't you believe that God has something better in store? Just because it doesn't happen your way doesn't mean it's not going to happen. Remember, God has a plan. He's got it all figured out. Don't limit Him by trying to get it done your way. Instead, simply say, 'God, I'm trusting You. I know You have my best interest at heart. And even if I don't get my way, I'm going to stay open and believe that You're still directing my steps into the abundant life You have for me.' A PRAYER FOR you & me, Ro: Heavenly Father, I choose to trust You. I cast my cares on You. I give You my plans, dreams, and desires for the future. Thank You for working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me Your peace as I wait patiently to see Your plan unfold. In Jesus' Name. Amen." -Wing Yee

  "Ask the Lord to give you His peace and the ability to concentrate on His plans for your life and just trust in Him. We will join with you in prayer and know that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart as you submit to Him. We love you, hang in there with your head held high. You are a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords." -Pastor Ed

  "Bury yourself in Psalm 31 and Psalm 42 right now..." -Pastor Cortner

  Thank you Darrvi for diner time when I need it most, and thank you Sam for the much needed talk- God's angel.

  Thank you everyone, both mentioned and unmentioned, for your words of encouragement and wisdom, and your continual prayers. They aren't in vain. I love you.

  • 9:15 am
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