It amazes me how much I try to impress people every day with my personality, looks, or skills.. how much I don't take the time to appreciate the ones in my life who love me for none of those things.. the ones who simply love me for who I am, including my flaws and shortcomings.. the ones who recognize my worth and where I shine. Been thinking about my many insecurities lately, realizing yet again that I still have so much to learn about my worth in God's eyes.. how He's the one trying to win my heart every day when it should be the other way around.. if I could only see in me what He sees, how that would change my life.

On the drive home from work, I kept saying to myself:

GROW UP,
MAN UP,
STEP UP.

Philippians 3:8

Spent the entire day with Jeremiah while Alana was out and about in North Jersey. Today was the first day I was convinced and confident that he was actually responding to my smiles with his own- it sure is an amaaazing feeling! He gets me .

Decided to officially change my Xanga username from "xRedeemedx" to "rowancv." I don't deal with change well, but I have my reasons . I wanted to switch from "Xanga" to "Revelife" too, but they are saying that I need to have a "theme" in order to do that, and I really don't want to change my layout. I'll think about it though..

Who Am I? ©
rowancv 04/22/12- 11:17 PM

I don't need anyone to be attracted to me.
I don't need anyone's interest.
I don't put myself in a position to be used by others.
I don't need anyone's approval.
I don't need anyone's acceptance.
I don't need to impress anyone.
I don't need to feed my insecurities and my ego.

I am confident in my purpose.
I am confident in what I've been through.
I am confident in my passions.
I am confident in my heart and intentions.
I am confident in those that love me.
I am confident in the steadfast, humbling love of God.
I am confident in the hope I fight for.

I am not a zombie that continually feeds on flesh.
I exist in Christ and I have my rest.

Ro, don't forget who you are....

"Give Me ALL of you- all that you are and all that you have- and TEST ME in this! See if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it!" -God, Whose steadfast, humbling love for me quiets my raging soul. (Malachi 3:10)

R.E.S.E.T.
A new Day 1 today, yet again.
Mind, body, and soul transcend.
Possibilities without end.

Last night I went to bed after Lana had already been well asleep. I layed there, listening to the sound of her breathing, reflecting on all the MANY blessings God has given to me, reflecting on how happy I truly am, and an overwhelming spirit of THANKSGIVING to the Lord just came over me. It was so beautiful- just felt compelled to express this now for times I will need to look back and be reminded again. I want to fall asleep like this EVERY night....



PS. I appreciate so much the time my wife takes to tell me how happy she is and how much she loves her/our life- it goes a long way in feeding and underscoring the gratitude, joy, and peace that I have found in Christ.

While cleaning our bedroom yesterday I found something in a drawer that I had written on a post-it, no date:

"Their broken hearts I can't pretend
To not exist or comprehend.
It holds me ransom I admit-
My joy, my peace, my love, my wit.
I start to see them in myself,
The loneliest I've ever felt."

Being on a post-it, this had to be during work, sometime shortly after our wedding..

Spent New Year's Eve working my 3rd night shift in a row at the hotel (my PT job). Lana and I had a wonderful dinner beforehand though, celebrating God's goodness and faithfulness over this past amazing year- 2011 was definitely one for the books. Will update this post a bit further once I get the time....

Thursday through Sunday, 3 days- 9 hours of sleep. Gotta be a personal record for me in the "least amount of sleep" category. Amazingly enough, I was not too sleepy at any time, nor did I experience a headache (as I usually do with lack of sleep). Thank You Lord.

UPDATE- Our New Year's Eve dinner!! (From Longhorn Steakhouse lol.) In THANKSGIVING to our God for a completed year well worth celebrating, and a new year with many things to look forward to!: