Take me back. Back to when I saw You with those new set of eyes, Eyes that have drifted since lusting after a true set of lies. Remind me of these Truths that I keep hidden in disguise, Let me respect the gifts I don't deserve yet despise. I rise and I rise Your blessings reach to the skies, Yet when You stop to look back I'm back to the mud and vomit of mines. Do I not know why I let these chains so bind my mind? Like I was blind without that sight that His Spirit supplies? So desperately wicked and depraved what underlies, Wise veterans of the faith still get taken by surprise. God, I can't even face You no matter how many times I try, I front like I'm confused when I know damn well where my heart's inclined. And You'd think I'd know better than to play games of this kind, Emphasized my total lack of good apart from Your design. How do You love this child and patiently sympathize? Catch my pathetic cries not to be marginalized. Yet somehow I know that You'll be here all the time, You would decline to stop loving me or leave me behind. I lay prostrate 'coz my soul can't contain this wonder divine, Life-line through Jesus Who stays standing in the gap of mankind. Baptize in fire distractions and compromise, R.E.S.E.T. my vision onto the eternal things that don't die.
I love You Lord. And I'm truly humbled before You.
This thing is called a SHARK RAY, a.k.a. the Bowmouth Guitarfish. The Adventure Aquarium is one of only 10 aquariums in the world to hold these guys, and it was a wonder to watch them swimming around inside the 5th largest water tank in the world!! Sharks are always amazing to observe, and sting rays have always been very cool and fun for me to watch, but to see this combo of a shark and a ray (to form what looks like a guitar, LOL) takes the cake. I would totally own one of these if I was a billionaire. This amazing animal, along with the rest of the creatures at the aquarium, continues to remind me of the genius and creative beauty of my God Almighty. That's why I love wildlife and nature, because they always give me a deeper glimpse into my Father, Creator, Savior, and Friend .
I was telling Lana yesterday about how crazy it is to think that one day we will be able to interact with beasts, like shark rays, sting rays, jelly fish, and gigantic hippos, in total peace and without fear. Sin not only destroyed mankind's perfect relationship with God and with one another, but also with all of creation, and one day, we will fully receive that back .
Isaiah 11:6-7 reads:
"The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox."
Romans 8:19-23 says,
"The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have The Firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies."
True Gospel talk.
Our Engagement The Dolphin Story!!
After finally completing my 4th semester at Ross, God saw it fit that I go to Miami, FL for 5th semester instead of staying in Dominica like I had wanted to. As soon as this became final, an idea just raced into my head. First of all, Alana loves animals, and one of the first things she ever told me early on in our relationship was that it was a dream of hers to go swimming with dolphins. I never forgot. I thought to myself, if there is any place in the US that would offer people a chance to go swimming with dolphins, Florida has to be one of them! Over the course of my 5th semester I did my research and asked around. A good friend of mine, from the Messianic Congregation I frequented, had gone swimming with dolphins in the Florida Keys and highly, highly recommended it. He sent me two links, because he couldn’t remember which one he had specifically gone to. I called the first number, and spoke to someone who was pretty rude and indifferent- I was like, forget that!! I then called the second number, and every single person I spoke to from Dolphin Cove was so extremely nice and more than willing to go the extra mile for me. I was sold! I scheduled the swim for Alana, and over the next couple of days worked out the details of my proposal with them. They were so accommodating and were just as excited as I was! I seriously could not wait!
One the last day of my semester, right after the final, I asked Alana’s parents’ for her hand in marriage, and I also asked my parents for their blessing. In the days leading up to Alana’s arrival, she tried so hard to guess what we were going to do during her time here, but there was no way I was giving this secret up! Believe it or not, her first guess was that I was going to take her swimming with dolphins, but I countered by staying cool and calm and asking her, “Do you know how much that would cost?” She knew how bad I was struggling financially all semester, and she admitted that her guess was only half serious and more of just wishful thinking. Alana loved the fact that I had looked into it though, and the fact that I really put a lot of thought and planning into her visit. I had told her that she needed to bring a one-piece bathing suit, and after a series of guesses, it was like a light bulb went on in her head. She gasped, and with excitement in her voice she said to me, “I know what we’re doing!!” And I was like, “What….” She then said, “JET SKIING” (even though in her mind she meant water skiing). What to do, what to do. I quickly decided to act like she was wrong, but act sketchy enough to make her think I might be lying. After we hung up, I remember walking along Washington Ave. to go get dinner when I received a text message from her that said, “Jet skiing!” I texted back: “I hate you.” After buying dinner, I called her when I got into my car and proceeded to tell her that there was no use in pretending that she got it wrong (which she did). I made up some story about looking into and visiting the place with my friend, and Lana was excited as ever! Whew, that was a close one….
Alana arrived in Miami on Saturday, April 25th, with a fresh new haircut, and we were just so happy to finally be together again. We stopped by her cousin’s place in Ft. Lauderdale, and then headed back to Miami Beach where I was staying. We parked on Washington Ave. and ate at a very well known spot called “Cheeseburger Baby.” That night, we attended a Miami Heat game with one of my awesome friends, who graciously hooked us up with some great seats! It was our first playoff game to boot, and the Heat beat the Atlanta Hawks 107-78. Dwyane Wade’s performance did not disappoint and we had so much fun being loud and cheering for the local team.
The next day would be the big day. I was not so much as nervous as I was just hoping that everything would turn out nice and smooth. We woke up really early, but being that the place was about an hour and twenty minutes away, I was still afraid that we might be late. We packed up and I drove as fast as I could, thanking God that the roads were extremely empty that morning. The drive itself was really nice, but I only had one thing in mind. We finally reach Key Largo and I ease up a bit knowing that we’d make it on time (thank you Garmin GPS). We were getting closer, and closer, and finally the GPS tells me to make one final turn into the lot and IMMEDIATELY I stop the car short. In front of us is this HUGE sign that said “Dolphin Cove (picture of dolphin underneath): Swim with the Dolphins,” and before Lana could even say anything I turn to her and say, “I lied, we’re NOT going jet skiing (huge smile on my face).” I wish I could have videotaped her reaction. She could not believe it and we just hugged each other tightly. Later on Lana would tell me that she was both excited but also nervous! Yes, it was a dream come true for her, but she did not have time to “prepare herself” to get into the water with a 500 lb animal. I was just glad I was able to surprise her!
I went inside to check in while Lana waited in the car. I then went to go get her so she could sign the consent form, and we made our way to the waiting area. There weren’t too many parties scheduled for that particular swim, which made things that much better/easier. As Alana was picking out her swimming vest, the girls who worked there called me inside to quickly finalize the plan (they were just as giddy as I was!). Then, before the participants actually got into the water, there was a short talk that gave general information about the bottlenose dolphin, an introduction to the specific dolphins at the cove, and specific rules to adhere to. Lindsay was our trainer, and Leo was our dolphin! I scheduled Lana for two different swims (programs), the first of which was called the “Structured Swim.” Lana was to go first, and in this swim, she would be able to interact with Leo based on the different signals Lindsay would give. For example, Leo would push Lana by the feet, jump through a hula hoop, give her a kiss, play Simon Says with her, and give her a ride through the water as she grabbed onto his fin (and Kimbit’s fin, the other dolphin).
For the last “trick,” Lindsay asked me if I wanted to come down to the platform and take a picture with Lana and the dolphin. I said “okay” and made my way down. As I squatted on the platform, Lindsay tells Lana that Leo was going to deliver a present for us (which Lana thought had something to do with the final “trick”). Leo then proceeds to push a green box towards Lana and happily swims away. Alana’s just smiling waiting for the next thing, and I tell her, “You gotta open up the present!” “Oh!” She opens it up, spots the golden box inside, and immediately knows what is going on. She looks up at me and later on tells me that she was just mixed with so many feelings all at once, wanting to both laugh and cry at the same time. I tell her that we have been through everything together and that there is no better friend that God could have given me to spend the rest of my life with (she is obviously not even listening to a single word I was saying (j/k!)). I tell her that I know she had been waiting a long time for this (more than seven years), “so with the help of my friend Leo over there, I just wanna ask… will you marry me?!” Needless to say she immediately said “yes!,” and the awesome, awesome people at Dolphin Cove screamed and cheered for us while Leo did flips in the water!! Then Lindsay says, “Before you go, Leo’s gonna get you an engagement present.” Leo swims out and disappears underneath the water. In no time he resurfaces and swims towards Lana with a green leaf in his mouth- Alana’s first engagement present! She got out of the water, “still in shock,” and we hugged right there on the platform. Later on, Lindsay would tell us that she was also very nervous, as this was her first time orchestrating a proposal, but she did such an amazing job, as did Leo the dolphin! Both were super friendly and full of energy and excitement the entire time. While the next girl was doing her structured swim, Lana and I sat on one of the picnic tables. She had a really good cry there, and we talked and cuddled as we soaked in everything that had just happened.
I should mention that the ring I proposed with was NOT the real ring, but rather a “Cracker Jack box” ring (since the people at Dolphin Cove and I did not want to risk her losing the real ring in the lagoon as she swam). It’s funny because over the years Alana would always joke around with me and say, “You better not propose to me with no Cracker Jack box ring!,” and what do you know? Well, the real ring was going to come later on in the day. Also, we had toyed with the idea of having Leo bring the ring to Lana in his mouth, but felt that it would be too risky! In any case, everything could not have gone more perfect. The second swim I signed Lana up for was the “Natural Swim,” in which she got to really swim with the dolphins in the lagoon, in their natural habitat. It was kind of like snorkeling, and, along with the two other people who did the swim with her, she was coached by the trainers on specific things to do to get the dolphins to swim alongside her. I had fun taking pictures and just watching everything that was going on. The swim lasted for 30 minutes, and by the end Alana was exhausted. We gave everybody our sincerest thanks and bought a couple of souvenirs at the gift shop. They even gave us a free specially framed picture as a gift from the Dolphin Cove. We took a couple more pictures, and we were finally off to head back towards Miami. This time around, I was able to really enjoy the drive back, as Alana called her family and pretty much texted everybody she knew to tell them about the good news!
At the end of the long drive, we stopped by my apartment to change clothes, and the next stop was Bicentennial Park in Miami. I had scoped this place out as the spot to give Alana the real ring, and felt that it would be perfect. It was right next to the American Airlines arena, with an amazing view of the Miami Beach skyline, with the MacArthur Causeway (bridge) to the left, and the Port Boulevard bridge to the right. Like I said, it was the perfect spot. After parking I walk Lana out and ask her to wait for me as she takes in the view. I come back and finally reveal to her “the blue box.” Praise God she absolutely LOVED it. Months earlier, another funny thing was that a certain Tiffany’s ring had caught my eye. I later asked Jill for a little bit of help too, and she told me that she and Lana were looking at rings also. She sent me a picture of a ring that Alana thought was perfect, and it just so happened to be the same ring I was looking at! Talk about confirmation. The only thing left to do was finalize the details of the diamond. Anyway, after finally putting on the real ring, we asked another older couple (who happened to just arrive) to take pictures of us together, and I also took a few pictures of Lana by herself right there at the park. We then went back into the car, read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 together (“…a threefold cord is not quickly broken”), and prayed, remembering that our relationship did not just consist of the two of us, but is rather also anchored by Jesus Christ Himself. We just wanted to thank God for everything- for making this dream into a reality.
Our next stop was one of the most famous Cuban restaurants in Miami Beach, David’s Café (Meridian Ave. location). We were both starving and thoroughly enjoyed our meals. But the day was not yet over! It soon came time to get ready for a night of SALSA! I was able to integrate a part of my original plan after all (without telling Lana, I had learned how to dance salsa on the island (it is another one of her greatest passions, one that I had never previously shown any interest in), and I originally planned to propose in Dominica during 5th semester by incorporating that somehow- maybe under a waterfall? Hehhehe)! I had signed us up for Salsa Mia classes at Yuca Lounge on Lincoln Rd. We started out with a 30 minute bachata lesson, then had a 2 hour salsa/rueda lesson, and finally spent the last 30 minutes just dancing with each other and practicing moves. And what better way to end such a perfect day than to stop by the friendly neighborhood Starbucks! Lana had a chai tea latte and a chocolate chip cookie, and I ordered a white chocolate frappuccino with a toffee almond bar on the side. We had made it to the next level, and had every right to enjoy that moment, especially in light of our past heartaches, the consequences of being an intercultural couple, and the fact that we had just been apart for over 2 years!! Right there in the middle of Miami Beach, for once the whole world around us, along with its problems, faded away. “My fiancé,” she would say, over and over again, looking at me with happiness written all over her face. And we just simply loved on one another, wrapped in each others’ arms, reflecting on that long-awaited day in which we finally got engaged.
Our Engagement Video "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He Who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
Our Salvation God of Second Chance
A little over two years after becoming "an item," on July 27, 2004, Lana and I would experience the biggest test of not just our relationship, but our lives. God literally shook our worlds and ended our relationship. Once that happened, I hit rock bottom- the lowest point and deepest pit of depression ever in my life. But for both Lana and me, it was in every way a blessing in disguise. It was what God used to get our attention. We had both lost sight of Him over the past two years, and that summer God fully turned our lives around, as we each chose to surrender our lives (and each other) to Him completely, independently of one another. The desire we had to know Him, the hunger we had for the Word, became more real than it ever was. We became alive spiritually and saw life with a new set of eyes. We were never the same again.
But through it all, the pain in our hearts was only too real. The fact that we were no longer together seemed written in stone, and even though we still loved each other, in our minds we just could not see how we could ever become a couple again- that’s how messed up things had become. But our God is the very definition of GOOD, FAITHFUL, FORGIVING, and MERCIFUL. Somehow, He found a way to restore our friendship. Even more, shortly after that, He was able to use us TOGETHER in forming and serving in an exciting new ministry called R.E.S.E.T.! The healing process for both of us took months, even years, but His promises are always true. Looking back, it’s incredibly humbling and amazing to see how God honored our hearts and gave us the one thing we desired the most, even though neither of us deserved it- a second chance.
What we share today is more beautiful than either one of us could had ever imagined, and it stands alone as a testimony of God’s amazing grace. Over the years, we have been through so much- endured so much. Our story is sprinkled with themes of rejection, misunderstanding, distance, growth, heartache, and forgiveness, and the story continues to this day. But no matter what life throws our way, we know that the love we share is protected, because its foundation is Jesus Christ. And by His grace, our love as a couple will infinitely carry over into the lives of other people as a result- helping, healing, guiding, nurturing, and blessing others as much as possible- that they too might know our awesome God. This is ultimately our heart’s desire.
Our Beginning How We Became "An Item"
I remember when I first laid eyes on Alana. We were in the same chemistry class, freshman year at Rutgers University. It had to be the first or second class when I first noticed her, thinking to myself that she was one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life (seriously!). It wasn’t technically a crush, because I realized from the very beginning that someone like her would definitely be out of my league. I simply admired her from a distance. One day, I arrived a little bit early for class. Someone started messing around with the piano on stage, and being the friendly person that she is, Alana got up there too and shared a couple laughs with the other girl. I thought, “Hey, what the heck!,” and I got up and started messing with the piano along with them. Class was about to begin, so we all made our way back to our seats, but not before Alana said to me: “You should teach me sometime!” To which I said: “Of course!” After that same class, I spotted Alana heading towards the bus stop, and I picked up my pace to properly introduce myself. I offered her a handshake: “Hey, I’m Rowan, what’s your name?” It took her a while to get my name right, but that was okay! Weeks passed, and the only talk we had with each other was the occasional “hello” and “goodbye” of acquaintances. I lived in Mattia, she lived in Barr, and so we hardly ever really saw each other outside of class.
Then one fateful afternoon, I received an unexpected phone call. A whole semester was about to be completed, and finals were coming up. Alana asked me if I wanted to come with her to a Pre-Calc review that night. I probably wouldn’t have gone at that point (simply because I never went to reviews and things like that), but I knew all too well that I didn’t know a darn thing in that class, so I thought, “Hey, a review couldn’t hurt- it might even help.” So I said “sure,” not thinking much of it, and we were on our way to College Ave. Alana’s phone call was unexpected, but not random, because during that particular semester we had some mutual friends and so it wasn’t weird or awkward at all. Well we got off the bus and walked as she got me caught up with a few things that had gone on in her personal life during the semester. We arrived late to the review, took seats in the packed room, and I actually found myself having a really good time with Alana. Yes, we were both trying to pay attention and learn some things, but at the same time, we were talking to each other, cracking jokes, exchanging smiles, and just chilling like two normal friends would chill. From that point on, we continued to study together. During these study sessions, we’d sometimes take breaks and teach each other dance moves, or we’d simply just get to know one another more deeply through conversation.
My friends started to notice the amount of time we spent with one another, and would even tease me about it, but I told them it was nothing and that it was strictly just study sessions. At that time, I needed her help anyway, since I knew absolutely nothing in that Pre-Calc class. I had stopped going to class for some reason, and I knew that Alana was my only hope of getting anything remotely close to a decent grade. She amazed me with how much she knew, but amazed me even more with how willing she was to help me. Alana taught me concepts without hesitation, and if I didn’t get it, she patiently went over and explained things to me again until I did get it. Those were things I admired in her: her genuine care and selflessness. In all that she did, she always meant well and always had good intentions. Furthermore, not only was she more physically pure than I had initially judged her to be (it was wrong of me to judge, I know), but I also learned that she had a desire to learn more about God and grow in her Christian faith. This made me so incredibly happy. So finals came around, and Alana had helped me so much that I even received a better grade than her in Pre-Calc!! We still laugh about that to this day. On the last day of school, Alana asked if I wanted to meet up so we could just say goodbye. I remember seeing her all dressed up on the last day of school: she looked so beautiful, and I couldn’t believe how much closer we had gotten in less than a month. She came up to me and we gave each other a big, big hug goodbye- our very first hug, and it felt really good.
It was officially a crush- my friend was with me and he did a back flip off the wall as soon as we parted with Alana, while I, on the other hand, was doing backflips in my head!! All throughout winter break I found myself looking forward to seeing her online. We talked a lot during the break- sharing more about our lives and discussing some spiritual matters. We also dropped subtle hints of our interest in one another, but neither one of us could be sure! Personally, I kept telling myself that she is just that friendly. When we got back to school, we greeted one another with another big bear hug, and it just felt so good to see her again. Over the break, we fixed it so that we would be in the same Pre-Calc (part II) class for the second semester, since we’ve become such great buddies. During class, we would always sit together, but always a seat apart, which was fine because I knew that she was always going to be looking for a seat by me, and that was enough to satisfy me. Before recitation, Alana would usually meet up with me to help me with my homework- my friends would always see us together, and even though I never said anything, they knew I had it in for her.
Valentines Day was coming up, and I didn’t know if it would be awkward if I tried giving her something. Did she like me the way I hoped? The day comes, and Alana asks me if I had read her away message on AIM. I say “no” and I was taken aback, out of both surprise and excitement, to find that her message read: “R.V. will you be my valentine?” She later on told me that she took my response as a hesitation to say “yes,” but that wasn’t the case at all. I was just full of umm, happiness inside! But I tried to hide it, and finally I said “yes.” I had asked one of my good friends the day before to make me a batch of the hand-made roses he was selling, and he wrapped it all nice like a real bouquet of flowers. This was my gift to her, while Alana had a “messenger” send me a single rose wrapped with a card. I got such a rush at the sight of it! What a sweet girl Alana was! It couldn’t have been clearer to me that she liked me, but having had little experience with girls, I kept making excuses and telling myself that it was too good to be true. We would still talk online every day, and we’d continue to drop subtle (and not-so-subtle) hints to one other.
Then one Friday her preceptor hosted a movie night on their floor, and Alana invited me to join them. They were going to watch “A League of Their Own,” a movie I’d already seen and was not particularly excited about, but I had other things in mind. Apparently, the others on her floor were also noticing how Alana and I had been hanging out a lot, and somehow Alana and I ended up with a whole couch to ourselves. The movie started and went on, with me not paying much attention to it. Then something amazing happened: neither of us knows exactly how it happened, but somehow, we ended up holding hands! It’s not like either one of us tried to make a move, but rather our hands just found each other. Then I just knew it- I knew at that point that it was okay for me to show her how I felt about her. I knew that it was okay for me to express to Alana just how much I liked her, and so I put my arm around her. It wasn’t one of those cheap yawn-and-put-your-arm-around-the-girl moves- we just enjoyed each other during the course of the movie, which we hoped would never end. That was the special night we finally shared, and all of our friends were truly happy for us.
Spring break came up very soon after that, and we decided to use that time apart to think and pray about “us.” Alana was going to be in Florida during this time, and so while she was away, we kept in touch through emails and through AIM. We shared our thoughts and feelings with each other, and we also expressed our concerns and fears. By the time spring break was over, Alana told me that her flight had been delayed and that she would be back in school a day or two late, but in actuality, she was really intending to surprise me! She did, and I had the biggest smile on my face upon seeing her! We hung out that entire day, and later on that night, I got a call from my friend telling me that we were going to have a breakdancing session at Metzger. I told Alana that I was going to head over. We were outside and about to part ways, but before I left she grabbed both of my hands and looked deep into my eyes: “So we’ve had all of spring break to think about ‘us.’ You know what I want. Rowan, are we an item?” I looked back into those mesmerizing brown eyes and told her, “Yes, we’re an item!!” She jumped up in childlike exhilaration, and we were both just full of joy and excitement. “Okay, you can go now!,” she said. That made me laugh and I couldn’t help but smile at her as I left to make my way towards Metzger. That was the night of March 25th, 2002, a Monday night, the night we officially became “an item.”
"From the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been FORCEFULLY ADVANCING, and forceful men and women lay hold of it!!" -Jesus (Matthew 11:12)
R.E.S.E.T. = Kingdom Living
7 Week Live Lecture USMLE STEP 1 Review Course
So we just finished our first major topic at Kaplan: Neuroanatomy. Honestly, I am truly enjoying re-learning and re-understanding everything about the nervous system and I am in awe at how fast Dr. White was able to teach such a vast amount of information. It was amazing. But the downside is this: I ideally wanted to consolidate each day's information into my own high yield notes, but there's just so much stuff to get through that I simply don't have enough time! And because of this, even though we're only just starting, I am starting to once again feel burnt out and overwhelmed. I wake up at 5:30 every morning in order to get street parking near Newark Penn Station (the Kaplan Center is adjacent to it). Lecture is usually until 4 or 5 pm, with a one hour lunch break at noon. When I get home, I eat, and then review that day's lecture until 10 pm. Again, the problem is that this is just not enough time to consolidate one day's worth of teaching (because it's so much!), and I'm afraid (because I can see it now) of how much "stuff" is gonna literally PILE UP in my mental "to do" list. I desire to really know this stuff- if you can, please pray for me, that I might somehow, by the grace of God, have enough time to understand and consolidate every major foundational point and high yield topic.
I think a part of the reason I am enjoying my learning experience right now at Kaplan is because I'm starting to approach my studies in a different way (about time, right?). On the very first day of Kaplan, I told myself: "Ro, you're in Bible School now okay? Everything you are learning is about the human body, a creation of the Lord, and thus by learning IT, you are learning more about HIM." I have no other passion that compares with my passion for my God, and when I apply that passion to medicine, I am hoping that it will take me to a place I have never been to before. If this is His will and plan for my life, I utterly want these two passions to intertwine and mix as much as possible, to give Him all the more glory. My heart's greatest desire is to continually walk in the light of God's Kingdom, and that's why I am so loving Matthew 11:12. Life in the Spirit is a beautiful challenge with never a dull moment. I hope these attitudes in my heart win out and are sustained, and that the seeds of futility, surrender, fear, and frustration do not. So once more, if you can remember me in your prayers, I'd be so thankful and humbled, and as always, please let me know if you have any prayer requests as well.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He Who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
I can't wait!!!
And as I worship prostrate, I build a throne....
My Altar To El Shaddai, Jehovah Rapha The Lord Who Moves Mountains 05.14.10 JC, NJ
1. Last Sunday I was able to watch CS Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters" at the Westside Theatre (Max McLean is the BEST!).
2. Then on Tuesday I read CS Lewis' "The Great Divorce" in less than one day. The book is just utterly amazing and ingenious, and something I consider to be a must-read for every Christian. I've read the entire Narnia series, pieces of "Mere Christianity" (I fully intend on finishing it!), and pieces of his other works, and I say without reservation that we as Christians are extremely blessed to have CS Lewis' inspired works today.
3. For almost a month now, I've been conversing with Michael, a friend I only know through YouTube. Our correspondences have been extremely thought-provoking (each of us possessing a different belief), and though our conversations have encompassed many aspects of God and spirituality, the overwhelming challenge for us has been the topic of hell.
4. I appreciate the opportunities I have to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, my friends, especially when we delve deep into the hard topics and ask questions. People like Jaimeo, Darrvi, and Luke. I'm a big proponent of asking questions, knowing full well that the search for answers, and the answers themselves, will either correct or strengthen belief and faith. I'm a huge advocate for thoughtful Christianity/belief/faith.
5. God has been teaching me, these past couple of years, so many powerful things through preachers all over the country, most especially through Pastor Peter Hong. I have such a long way to go (it can actually depress me), but I am thankful for where I am today.
The list is just a backdrop to help you kind of understand what I'm about to share with you, and how I got to where I was. Yesterday I had time to kill and decided to find a nice shady area to park my car so that I could relax and read CS Lewis' "The Problem of Pain." But as I sat there, feeling the cool breeze and enjoying the greenery of grass and trees before my eyes, I started to think: there's no question that God exists. Dot dot dot... but WHY JESUS?
Seriously Ro, why do you believe what you believe? Have you really sincerely searched? Questioned? Thought about? You probably wouldn't have a hard time convincing somebody of a Supreme Being called God, but with all the beliefs and religions that exist in the world, how are you so sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that JESUS is the right way?
Then doubt crept in.
Think Ro, think... I can't, I'm too flustered by the question itself. So stop, and ask God.
So I asked God: "God, please show me, tell me, reveal to me, why Jesus is the right way to turn. Show me evidence. Show me how it all makes sense! Please!!" I thought I'd have to wait a while for God to answer that one. I thought maybe in the next few days, maybe months, I'll experience something or hear something that'll be like a sign from God. But right then and there, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. And I started speaking out loud, trying to break down my belief from the bottom up. I took all those difficult questions and started answering them one by one: well if so this, then why? And if that is so that, then why? I started with why I believe that there is a God, and I slowly moved towards why I believe that Jesus is Divine and Truth. A dear brother in Christ told me recently that I seem to have a lot of head knowledge (which I feel I don't have enough of frankly) and that I needed to learn more about how to walk in the Holy Spirit (a Word that I received and couldn't agree with more, and I am currently trying to grow in that). So with all the scattered pieces of what I knew to be Truth floating in my head, the Spirit showed me on what foundation they stand on. I hit many roadblocks- places that made my mind hurt as I tried to figure it out, but I knew that the Holy Spirit was guiding my thought process. As I said, I spoke out loud, pretending I was trying to explain to a group of people why Jesus is the only way. In the middle of explaining to this imaginary crowd "WHY JESUS?," I told myself I needed to get this down- not that I'd forget it once I knew it, but because I wanted to keep record of my revelations, so that I might add or clarify or even fix (things that I might have heard wrong) things in the future, as further revelation comes. So I hopped out of my car. I ideally wanted to record it so I could just let the words flow out of my mouth, but without a recorder, I settled for typing on my laptop. I mounted my laptop, sat at the back trunk area of my car, and started again from the beginning. I didn't stop until I got it all out- I couldn't stop.
I finished typing out that spurt of revelation in about an hour (right there in the parking lot I was at). I shared what I wrote to Alana (verbally, not by reading it) to see if she could follow, and she did! And as I spoke to her, new revelations came. This was all yesterday, and today, I finished the exposition (the latter parts about the Holy Spirit and The Kingdom)- finished, at least for now.
Another purpose for struggling through these answers and writing it all out, is to prove (to myself and to others) that it is very much possible to come to the conclusion that JesusIS the right way WITHOUT ever having even read the Bible itself. My heart dwelt with the unreached "uncivilized" peoples from all over the world, from all different time periods, on the "heathen" who were outside of the Biblical stage as the Messianic plan was unfolding in the Old Testament, on truly sincere folks who believe wholeheartedly in another system, faith, or religion. And I was careful not to reference the Bible at all.. I actually refused to do so, in this particular instance. One might argue the possible use of "divine revelation" to reach these peoples, but I won't delve into that.
Also, I hadn't planned on even talking about the Holy Spirit, but the logical progression necessitated the discussion, and God showed me the fullness of why the Trinity is a necessary truth.
This may be the most important thing I ever write, for myself, and maybe for others. It's like "Mere Christianity" Ro style. And I'm reminded that it's not about finding answers in and of themselves, and it's not even about having the personal satisfaction and peace of being in the right (again, in and of themselves)- at the end of the day, it's still about self-abandonment, still about regarding God Himself as most precious above ALL things, and still about what gives God the most glory (as defined later on). All comments, questions, and criticisms are welcome and appreciated. I will be on this journey until I die, and I humbly acknowledge that I can never know everything- I can only continually learn. To God be the glory:
SUPREME BEING, GOOD/EVIL, & THE LAW
I always knew that there was a God. I knew because I felt that creation itself (nature, animals, the human body, etc.), as well as the existence of spiritual things, would make ALL mankind aware of such an existence (of a Supreme Being). Having acknowledged the existence of a God and an Ultimate Designer, the next step was to figure out what the purpose of life is- why do we exist? One must take into consideration at this point, two of the most powerful forces in existence: good and evil. Right and wrong. Morality. These are laws that were created along with all other creations, and laws that I believe are inherently placed in the hearts (souls) of all mankind. To clarify: not that mankind KNOWS right and wrong, but rather, they know OF right and wrong, good and evil- albeit in their own standards. Then, when we can go beyond looking at the evil around us, and come to an understanding of the evil within us (our own sinfulness), we realize that there is no way we can have fellowship with a holy, perfect, and righteous God. Why would we need or want fellowship with God (two different questions)? We need fellowship with God because of sin and evil. When a person has come to terms with their own sinfulness, they will realize that sin came into this world through mankind’s disobedience- mankind’s choosing of selfish desires over God (“free will” will be discussed momentarily). The laws that exist via creation demand a penalty/payment/consequence for sin and evil, and that penalty is suffering and death (physical AND spiritual, wherein spiritual death means separation from God, for mankind's spirit can ONLY be alive if it is in fellowship with God). How do I know that (that the penalty for sin/evil is suffering and death)? Because all things eventually die, and there is nothing good in death except to end suffering. Suffering (as a result of sin) basically consists of 3 parts: (1) destroyed relationship between mankind and God, (2) destroyed relationship between mankind and mankind (with each other), and (3) destroyed relationship between mankind and creation (nature (including life, which in turn includes our own human bodies/souls) and things of the spirit).
JESUS & ATONEMENT
The only way we can have fellowship with God (and proper fellowship with each other and creation again) is if something or someone stood in the gap. Death (blood) and suffering must stand in the gap. Why death and suffering? Because if you remember, I said that death and suffering were the results of sin/evil. There must be death and suffering for reconciliation between God and sinful man. The death and suffering of man him/herself would defeat the purpose, for how could a man, being imperfect and with sin, be reconciled via suffering and a death consequence if he himself were to die before that reconciliation was made. Instead, the suffering and death of another living thing (an animal) would be required, but not just any animal- the best animal you could find. This is because God in His nature demands perfection for lasting reconciliation and newfound righteousness. But because an animal can never be perfect, animal sacrifices had to be done continuously. The only way mankind could be reconciled to God in a lasting fashion was if a perfect sacrifice was made. This is only possible, if perfection Himself (as God by definition is the only perfect thing/being) were to be sacrificed on behalf of man. But God cannot suffer, nor can He die, and so it was absolutely necessary for God to send a part of Himself to take on the form of one that could suffer and die- in other words, He sent a part of Himself to take the form of a man.
Jesus Christ was the only person to walk this earth Who not only claimed to be God, but proved it. He is the only One who satisfied the need that this systematic breakdown calls for. He is the only person Who was able to make such a sacrifice of perfection that satisfied God/the law. Moreover, because He was still infinite/eternal/fully God (and still fully human at the same time), His perfect sacrifice is able to pay for ALL of mankind's sins, ie. able to pay the debt of more than one person. This would be the one and only possible way for mankind to be saved from paying their own sin debt with their own death- rather, the debt would be paid for with the death of a perfect sacrifice. This perfect sacrifice would be the one and only perfect death possible. Being the death of One Who is eternal (yet was still of our flesh), His sacrifice suffices as able to pay the penalty of sin for every single male and female, past, present, and future (on a side note, instead of thinking it to be unfair that there is only ONE way for man to be reconciled with God (through Jesus), we should be grateful (A) that there is even a way at all and (B) that God loved us enough to do what it took to make that way available to us). Yet because He was perfection personified, having died, death could not hold Him, and He resurrected. The law that was created in the very beginning (along with all other creations) could not keep Jesus dead (physically), for He broke no law and was without sin or evil. The FACT that He resurrected (necessitating the need for a resurrected, yet new and glorified physical body) is the PROOF that Jesus was INDEED God incarnate, that He INDEED kept (perfectly) AND fulfilled the law (for the entire law points to the coming and work of Jesus), and was likewise INDEED perfect and without sin (ie. He lived the life no other person could ever have lived- the only life that could ever ATONE for our sin/evil as a sacrifice)- having been sacrificed, He indeed completely satisfied the law consequence of sin/evil, on behalf of mankind, and this satisfaction of the law is indeed everlasting. Jesus’ suffering and death (blood) is what brings lasting reconciliation between God and mankind because Jesus takes upon Himself and experiences the consequences that were rightfully ours (the suffering and death themselves, as a result of our sin/evil), and again, satisfies the created law (of God). He takes upon Himself the penalty of, or atones for, our sin and evil, for Jesus was indeed separated from God (ie. not in fellowship with God) at the cross- in the time of sacrifice, God forsook Him, and this, I would argue, means that the Holy Spirit Himself left Jesus, rendering His spirit dead (for the spirit of mankind in that physical body can only be dead apart from God).
Upon His physical death, His existence/soul, because it was not tainted with sin/evil, was found in and of Himself to be righteous by the law, and He once more took on the fullness of who He is in God, the Supreme Being (for by definition, the ONLY one who could ever be found righteous is God Himself). Through His own power, He resurrected His physical body- again, making it brand new and glorified. As far as Jesus' spirit at that point, it could have either been alive by His own power with that new body, alive via the Holy Spirit, or not even necessary- the answer? I don't know, nor do I believe it is important at all at this point (I'm just trying to be thorough). Had Jesus died any other way, it would not have been a sacrificial death. But because it was sacrificial (and He willingly went because He loves us), the law understood He was a perfect sacrifice being made on behalf of mankind. The consequences of sin/evil do not (did not and will not) just disappear for anybody- but rather Jesus took it ALL upon Himself. This is the essence of forgiveness, mercy, and grace- sacrificial love that spares us, yet allows justice to come to pass (ie. allows the laws/penalties to be satisfied). Instead of putting the consequences upon us, it was put on Jesus.
In essence, He becomes our righteousness, holiness, and perfection, bridging the gap, so that we can actually have fellowship with a righteous, holy, and perfect God (solving the problem we stated in the beginning caused by evil/sin). This is why we need fellowship with God: so that we would not die alone in our sin (instead, we have the Holy Spirit, who serves as our advocate in light of a verdict (read on)), because once death occurs, there is a necessary judgment (because of the law, and subsequently a necessary verdict and a possible penalty- for those who choose fellowship with God, the law allows them to spend eternity with God (for these purposes we will define eternity as what exists after the physical death, including all changes in time, space, perception, and dimension (things we cannot know for certain with our physical minds at this point, with depths we may never know of)); for those who do not choose fellowship with God, they cannot spend eternity with Him, again, by law, and must therefore spend eternity apart from Him). A more detailed discussion on the judgment can be found later on under "Further Revelation."
But mankind cannot just know of the need, there must be a want of this fellowship, for the lack of free will makes all points discussed thus far mute. It is because of free will that good and evil actually do exist. Free will by definition potentiates the possibility of the entrance of evil into goodness. The same way mankind had to CHOOSE disobedience to be separated from God, mankind must CHOOSE obedience to be reconciled BACK to God. One can know of the need, but the free will to desire it, to want it, puts into motion the redemptive process. Now for the question, “Why would we want fellowship with God?” The answer? Because He loves us!!! How do we know that? Because all things good naturally, inherently, and instinctively reflect the love of God (the very DEFINITION of "good" in its truest and purest form) for His creation. Furthermore, why else would He go through the trouble to make a BEAUTIFUL plan for our redemption? Why else would He endure the unimaginable weight of every consequence of every soul's (past, present, and future) sin/evil? We cannot fathom how heavy it must have been!! What is man that God is even mindful of him??? We are His precious creations. And it is His love that draws us to Him. It is His love that created us, His love that provided a way for reconciliation, and His love that draws us nearer to Him. This is “WHY JESUS.” Our (mankind's) free will assures a genuine (unforced), loving relationship/fellowship between God and those who choose to have this relationship/fellowship with Him. A true understanding of the “need,” I would argue, will pave the way to a true understanding of the “want," and thus, ideally, lead to redemption.
SOUL, BODY, & SPIRIT
It makes sense that creation (nature/life) AND spirituality is what gives rise to our knowledge of a Supreme Being BECAUSE our existence (our souls), in essence, coexists with a physical AND a spiritual entity. I think I would equate a person's soul to their "heart," the core of who they are- feelings, emotions, intentions, etc., and also the part that inherently knows the laws of right and wrong. The soul is what controls the mind, which I take to be a part of the physical. On a similar note, the condition of the soul can affect the spirit. Now, we have to take note that the soul is our (mankind's, and I am referring to mankind only) very existence: through life, and through death, whether alive or whether dead- the soul simply "is" (on the other hand, nature and other life forms (animals) do not have souls which simply "are" to define their existences, but they DO have spirits (which are alive- for together their physical entities and their spirits are the only 2 things that allow them to exist), and their spirits allow them to praise, honor, and glorify God in their own right; but when they die, they have nothing that simply "is" (ie. a soul) to remain (thus right and wrong/the law cannot be inherently written in them- their entity combination makes them very unique and different from mankind), and their spirits, I would guess, are somehow dealt with in the spiritual realm).
Take a step back and consider the physical and the spiritual of mankind. The moment life is created (in the womb), the soul inhabits a body of flesh (the physical/mind/instincts) and possesses a spirit- once more, the very two things that give rise to our knowledge of a Supreme Being. The physical is alive and well, inhabited by the soul, but the spirit itself is dead- simply BECAUSE this soul is NOT in fellowship with God (due to sin/evil). To have fellowship with God, SOMETHING needs to connect with Him- it certainly isn't the physical (because it is already alive but in sin, and thus NOT connected with Him), so it must be the spiritual. But because we are NOT connected to Him in fellowship, that part exists, but is not alive, for if it were, we would have fellowship with God. On a side note, I believe OTHER spirits (demonic) are capable of possessing a soul (even every day spirits of anger, discontent, etc.), and, as previously stated, I believe the condition of the soul affects the spirit- capable of making it more susceptible to other spirits. THEN, the spirit the soul possesses is able to affect the soul itself, and in turn, the physical (mind). The soul may even possess multiple spirits, though it (the soul), in and of itself, only truly owns one spirit that is permanently a part of it, and that one spirit it owns is either dead, or alive via the Holy Spirit.
Again, a soul's spirit exists, in other words, is possessed by the soul, but it is dead. The Spirit of God outside that soul must speak to the soul and the mind in order to arouse the spirit. How does that happen? Because the soul knows of both good and evil, it is capable of also doing good (though it is inherently bent on evil). All things good that they may see in and of themselves or around them, exists simply because the Holy Spirit pursues all mankind, and also because God exists everywhere, for God is good in its truest and most pure form. He shows glimpses of Himself in all things good. These glimpses are meant to get our attention. When the mind can in the very least comprehend the need for fellowship with God/obedience (the need as it has been discussed, which includes the need for a perfect sacrifice), and create a marriage of that with the want (this marriage does not always happen), the “want” will in and of itself (as free will) bridge the gap between mankind and God via what is already dead and thus not only necessitating life, but having the ability to be given life (again, being already dead)- and that is the spirit (the human body in physical is still alive, and thus must die before being given a new physical body that is holy, perfect, and righteous). Because the atonement (satisfaction of the law with regard to sin) is already completed, the moment a person "wants" this fellowship with God (this would include wanting forgiveness), as a result of a true understanding of the "need" (by definition, again, wanting FORGIVENESS in light of understanding their own true sinfulness/evil) that person has already been forgiven (at that moment), and the law has already been satisfied.
THE HOLY SPIRIT
This life of the spirit, via Jesus and the Holy Spirit, is what makes one holy, righteous, and perfect before God. Yet the physical death has not yet happened, and thus, while we can spiritually face God and “boldly approach His throne of grace,” we cannot do so in the physical. The spirit I posses is God’s (the Holy Spirit), which means I possess every measure of power that God Himself possesses. BUT, my physical body cannot come to terms with that; I can’t even comprehend what I am able to do in the spirit. My physical mind can only know so much and progressively learn at a certain pace (in other words, the soul itself is limited by the physical body). Thus, the spirit of God (the Holy Spirit) is what teaches my soul, and helps me to apply Truth in the physical. The spirit of God is what teaches me to live holy, righteously, and perfectly. It is a process called sanctification. The Holy Spirit plays such a HUGE role in our own daily lives (if not the biggest!). It was the Holy Spirit that allowed Jesus to perform wonders and miracles, and to possess such knowledge and wisdom. It was the Holy Spirit that gave Moses the power and authority to part the Red Sea.
But continuing from the discussion of sanctification: while my existence (soul) grows towards perfection, it cannot reach perfection completely until I die physically. Only then can the acceptance of reconciliation with God through Jesus bring me brand new life physically. With the death of my physical, the part of my existence corrupted by sin and evil will be dead. My soul itself will still exist, and my spirit will continue living, but on top of that, I can reason that God Himself will give me a new/perfect physical body for my soul to inhabit, for in Jesus' own resurrection, His physical body was likewise renewed and glorified (again, because He Himself was without sin (ie. He is GOD), and thus by law, death could not hold Him- but because He DID suffer and die, His suffering and death satisfied the consequence needed for disobedience/sin/evil, by law, on mankind's behalf). We can have a physical resurrection because Jesus did, the One Who atoned for our sins/evil- His fulfillment of the sin consequence is ours, and thus His victory over death is also ours (ie. because our penalty with regard to the law has already been paid, we too are without sin, and death too, cannot hold us- thus our physical bodies will be resurrected, renewed, and gloried, for it will finally be free from sin/evil (will we have spirits that are alive, or will we still have the Holy Spirit in our new bodies? Again, I don't know, but again, I don't believe that that detail is important at all at this point))!
So, this is why the Holy Spirit HIMSELF is necessary. This is why Jesus gave Him to us- a gift, as He called it, to our souls and our physical lives here on earth. While redemption itself has already been completed for one who desires fellowship with God (again, having understood the need in the context explained previously), it is completed in the sense that it is final. No matter what happens from that point on, the person is redeemed (back in fellowship with God- a fellowship that can never be broken or lost (this is my opinion, though I would consider that a person might be able to lose fellowship with God if they have wholeheartedly denounced Him after having understood the need and after having had the desire)). But while completed, redemption is at the same time also a process that WILL come into completion, despite that completion being already certain. Again, this is the work of a redeemed person’s spirit, via the Holy Spirit, on the soul: the spirit carrying and leading the soul/mind (physical), in a process called sanctification.
THE PURPOSE OF LIFE
Death has already been dealt with at this point in the discussion. All of mankind will die, by law. We saw how Jesus took on death to give us victory over death. But Jesus also took on suffering, to give us victory over suffering. Remember how I said that suffering basically consisted of 3 parts: (1) destroyed relationship between mankind and God, (2) destroyed relationship between mankind and mankind (with each other), and (3) destroyed relationship between mankind and creation (nature (including life, which in turn includes our own human bodies/souls) and things of the spirit). Sanctification addresses all 3 of these parts. As we go on in our lives, our spiritual growth (or in other words, the more we are able to learn things of the spirit) teaches us to know and love God more, teaches us to live with and love other people, and teaches us how to relate to God’s creation (nature, life, etc.). Again, 3 things that came as a result of sin, and 3 things that God fixes, via a process, through His redemptive plan. THIS is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. THIS is the purpose of life. THIS is what is meant by the Kingdom. The Kingdom is the power of God, which has already broken into human history (through Jesus and the Holy Spirit), that FIXES all suffering (foundationally described in 3 parts) as a result of sin. Jesus ushered in the Kingdom (the power), both IN us and AROUND us, but because sanctification is a process and not just a finality, thus the Kingdom too must be a process and not just a finality (for it is both around us and IN us, and because it is inside a soul in a process, it too must be in a process): it is already here, but not yet here in its fullness. For example: IN US- “here” because we have the power to overcome sin, but “not yet here in its fullness” because we still fall into sin; AROUND US (in society)- “here” because we have the power to eradicate slavery in a particular society, but “not yet here in its fullness” because some societies may still have slavery, and those that don’t, still have ethnic discrimination. When the process of sanctification is complete, when the Kingdom finally arrives in its fullness, the entirety of creation (the redeemed and the entire world as we know it) will know perfect peace, wholeness, shalom- all things will be restored back to their original state, as the Creator first created them, all relations will be restored back to their original nature, as He had initially and always intended for them to be. This is what we have to look forward to, in His time, and what life today works towards, by His sovereign power and leading.
The process of sanctification is meant both to heal us and bring about healing to others. Why? Because God is the very definition of true and pure love. Remember, we asked “why would we want fellowship with God?”? And the answer was because He LOVES us. I have to realize that He doesn’t just love me, but that He loves every human soul (as I myself am a human soul- His creation), and it is His desire that no one perish but that all should come to choose obedience to Him (evident in His extensive plan and work towards mankind’s redemption). When we understand this, we realize that our own redemption cannot just cause all things to simply stop, but that we must, by the power of the Holy Spirit, use our lives to point others to fellowship with God (because His love is now IN us, and we learn to love the things He loves (namely “righteousness” and “other souls”- or in other words, love God, and love people: the two greatest commandments)). Remember we said that God uses good to point mankind to Himself? Well this most certainly applies to the true/pure good a person now has through the power of the Holy Spirit, being in fellowship with God. THIS good (in the form of things like virtue, the fruits of the Spirit, etc.) most certainly exists to point OTHERS to the understanding of the need and want/desire to have fellowship with God.
As the Holy Spirit works to fix things (namely the 3 aspects of suffering) in and around us, there will be both joys and pains. In God’s infinite wisdom (A Supreme Being necessitates omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence), He takes the good and the bad and works everything out to ultimately bring glory unto Himself (the sovereignty of God), THAT MANKIND MIGHT SEE. This glory is not an egotistical glory (the immediate sense our mind/flesh would have us receive upon hearing these words), but rather it is a loving (in its truest form), just, and sacrificial glory, a SAVING glory, as He has already proven it to be so. The glory of God is weighty (heavy), in the sense that it summarizes the seriousness, the perfection, and the infinite significance of God, all His attributes, and all that they entail. It is consuming. We can never truly understand His glory in its entirety, but throughout creation we are able to catch glimpses of it, enjoy it, and through the Holy Spirit we are able to continually learn of it and, subsequently, REFLECT it as best as we can in our own existence.
Why do we need to "give" God glory? Remember, I just said that we catch glimpses of God through His creation. We ourselves are created by God, and thus, our very being reflects God's glory. However, while all created things scream out the glory of God with their entire existence, this cannot be said of mankind, because free will has corrupted their existence with sin/evil. This sin/evil causes man to give glory to OTHER created things INSTEAD of God, the Creator (namely, they ultimately give glory to themselves). Thus, mankind must continually choose/desire (again, because they have free will) to conscientiously give God glory with their existence, over any and all created things. Doing so, by NATURE of His glory (for anything we can give to God, including glory, is already His in the first place), allows righteousness, goodness, love, and perfection to flow as we relate to God Himself, other people, and all of creation. This flow works to give Him even more of the glory that He is due. It's like a cycle: we give God His glory, He blesses us back with it (due to all that it entails), which in turn, provides the means for more glory to be given to Him, and so on, and so forth. The desire for His own glory first and foremost is the foundation of God's love for us, and this is so because of (again) the very NATURE of His glory. We too must desire God and His glory first and foremost in our lives, for none is, or can be, more worthy than He. The purpose of our existence, is to be sanctified (again, addressing all 3 parts of suffering) for His GLORY. The purpose for our existence is what I like to call “Kingdom living.”
FURTHER REVELATION
Though Jesus did give the suffering and death that was required in order to atone for our sin/evil, we must still suffer through life and die a physical death. Going through it does NOT mean that the sin and evil of the redeemed have not been atoned for, but because of (1) the dynamics of soul, spirit, and body (ie. the physical body must naturally go on living until its death), and (2) the sacrificial/God-glorifying nature of sanctification (ie. why all things can't just "simply stop"), mankind, even if having been redeemed, must carry out the full consequence of sin in his/her life, bearing both suffering and death. Living out the consequence is NOT the same as paying the penalty. When mankind dies, the laws will demand satisfying (the laws cannot demand satisfying during the first physical life, because it is in this lifetime that the soul has the "free will" to choose fellowship with God or not). Every soul after the physical death is still tainted with sin/evil. But when the redeemed die and face judgment, the Holy Spirit will stand in the gap as that person's advocate (via the work of Jesus), testifying that this soul has accepted the suffering and death of Jesus on his/her behalf, and that this very fact ought to satisfy the law and atone for that soul's sin/evil. This is possible because the soul of the redeemed still POSSESSES the Holy Spirit, and is in fact, alive and connected to God. Having been forgiven (having accepted God's free atoning payment on our behalf), Jesus' righteousness is counted as the redeemed soul's righteousness. Thus, the redeemed soul is able to continue on and spend the rest of eternity in fellowship with, and in the presence of, God. For those who did not choose fellowship with God while still physically alive, their spirit remains dead, and they will NOT have an advocate before God; the laws must be satisfied, and judgment takes place.
Why is it that free will only applies to someone who is physically alive? Why can't a person choose fellowship with God even after death, since they still have a spirit? The reason is because after death, the judgment of the soul comes, and that soul will come as it is: without the body, and with a spirit that is either dead or alive. How do I know judgment comes right after the physical death? Because the immediate consequences of sin (not the penalty) have been carried out, and the laws will demand satisfying (the penalty, if a soul does not have an advocate, for mankind without question will be found guilty of sin/evil before a Holy/perfect/righteous God). Why can't a soul have the free will to choose fellowship with God right then and there at the judgment itself? Well, remember I said that the soul was a person's very existence, including intentions? I believe that the Judge (God) knows the true intentions of a soul's heart, and I believe that every soul is given the opportunity to make THE decision (to have fellowship with God) during their lifetime (fetuses, babies, and children (only God knows the cut-off point for when a soul can be held accountable) do not, so I believe that their physical deaths result in their souls spending eternity with God because they did not have the opportunity to exercise free will). A change in heart (for an accountable soul) during judgment is, in reality, a soul choosing/desiring not to be accountable for their sin/evil, NOT that he or she is actually choosing/desiring fellowship with God at that point.
Worthy of noting: Why would God create mankind KNOWING that it would inevitably result in countless souls spending eternity apart from Him, suffering in a place called hell? Hell itself is a long and complicated subject that I don't think I ought to get into right now. All I will say right now is that (1) we can't claim to be more merciful or more just than the author of mercy and justice Himself, (2) on this side of death, we can't ever know what hell is really going to be like, and (3) my bottom line is to acknowledge my limitations, and trust and hope in all that God is (loving, merciful, and just- attributes that I am sure extend far beyond what I could see, explain, or fathom). Suffice it to say, for now, that CS Lewis' writings are very much worth taking a look at, and also, the following link is quite insightful: http://www.gotquestions.org/why-did-God-create-us.html.
THE TRINITY
This completes the necessity of God (the “Father” or Supreme Being), God the Son (necessary to come in a form that was able to experience suffering and death yet overcome it because He himself was perfect and not deserving of those things), and God the Holy Spirit (Who comes into us as our Helper in this life). This is the essence of the Trinity- all playing a distinct role, yet all being God Himself. Can mankind comprehend how 3 separate entities can be 1? Here’s what I propose: if we can accept that we, as at least 2 separate entities, can be 1, can we not accept the possibility that 3 separate entities can be 1 as well (admittedly not in the exact same way)? I say that mankind is at least 2 separate entities, because it all depends on how you view (or what "is," as I don't claim to know these things 100%) the dynamics of a person's soul, mind (physical entity), and spirit. When we can come to some kind of an understanding about these things, we may be able to accept more easily that God, the Supreme Being, does exist as 3 separate entities, yet all 3 are 1 and the same. After all, if it hasn't become evident by now, we can see that mankind was actually made in the "image" of God Himself.
CONCLUSION
So, ALL THIS is why I believe that Jesus is God, and why I subsequently believe His words in the Bible. One could easily not go through this entire exposition and just say that he or she believes that Jesus is the right way simply by faith, because the Bible says so, but many inquiring minds are not willing to accept that (for better or for worse). A topic of the divine and living nature of the Bible, being God’s actual Word, is an entirely different discussion, but suffice it for me to say in the very least at this moment that the Bible proves ITSELF. And if Jesus is indeed God, then the words of Jesus Christ bear much weight for us. If Jesus is indeed God, then all things exist and occur for God’s glory, with a hope that all mankind might freely choose fellowship with Him. If Jesus is indeed God, then the weight of His glory is upon us. But creation itself (for one last time: consisting of nature/life and things of the spirit) proves that Jesus is indeed God, as we have systematically seen in this exposition. Therefore, there are no more “ifs”- there is only Truth (which remains true whether one chooses to believe it or not; which remains true even if one might sincerely believe in something else), and man is without excuse.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You... You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me... In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?... You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, That I may walk before God In the light of the living?
Psalm 56: 3, 8-9, 11, 13
I had an AMAZING dream last night. It's too long to get into here (I woke up and typed out 2 pages of this dream), but the most powerful part was appearing in what I think was "judgment," and after struggling with trying to find the "right" words that would please Him, I got to a point of honesty and just poured my heart out to my Jesus, Who I, after all, have a RELATIONSHIP with. He's been my best friend my whole life (even though I am always the one falling short of the definition of a true "friend"). He listened, asked questions, and the LOVE I felt from Him- I can't even begin to describe. It was breathtaking, fresh, consuming, heartfelt, and AMAZING, and even those words fall short of its beauty. I mean, being loved by God Himself, The Creator, The Judge, The Author of agape love. That He would even make time for me and care about me! I just wanted to share these 3 verses from The Word, as His words will always be better than anything I can say or come up with :
“Cast all your care upon Him; for He cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” -Hebrews 4:15-16
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:29-30
The dream also reminded me of this very touching video:
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